Prophetic stuff

My Mrs comes up with some good ones:

On our computer obsession: 'We're all going to go blind from staring at that screen'.

On some guy on American Idol: 'When did men become so feminine?'


I'm going to take a short break (2 days to 2 years) from this thing. I've posted every day since Andy hooked up the computer in late September. That's a lot of posting and it's starting to be a rehash (ha ha Rosenberg) of the same shit. You and your short attention span are tough customers.

So Andrew, try not to piss off too many people on the internet while I'm gone.

I think I'll return with the Spring Tour Of Alleys.

Wound a little tight for Mpls...probably wound a little tight for Wausau

I'm going back out counting elm trees. Drink some coffee, count some trees and listen to Barry Manilow on Love 105. The forester is not a terrorist. The forester uses certain coercive techniques to achieve his goals. The forester is not on a power trip.

Hurl, he called me this morning and tried to be tough. I forget which movie Dennis Leary smacks that guy repeatedly with a toaster.

Cool bike tricks

I know you've got like a miniscule attention span but these are some quality tricks.

Hurl, it must be his winning personality

Ok lady, we won't cut the tree down

Mrs and I both rode a bicycle to work today. It was quite foggy and I'm still kinda sick but what the hell.

I marked some piece of shit mulberry clump that was planted illegally on the boulevard. I think I marked it last fall. The homeowner called while I was gone and told them she was suicidal because her dead husband planted it. Suicidal huh? I just saw The Deer Hunter if that gives you my mindset on this one. Simmer down buttercup, her neighbors put her up to this.

The guy (Javier Bardem) who won the Oscar for best supporting actor also had a short compelling role in one of my favorite movies (Collateral). Big Matt knows the movie well. Any guesses, Matt?

Dear diary...my husband has a headache again

I just can't get over this one. Good thing we're over 40, huh Skibtastic?

I get Versus on my satellite package. I wanted to watch the Tour of California bicycle race coverage yesterday. Versus had some show about some guy hunting a goat or something before the bike race coverage. It came in perfectly. The bike race didn't come in at all. Major shat. I bet I could turn the GD thing on now and there'd be a show about some moose whisperer that would come in perfectly.

I still feel run down and reading your blogs about skiing 5 hours or riding a bike 50 miles just makes me want to go back to bed.

Maybe the bike racing will come in today or I'll have to watch hillbillies riding in circles.

Klink, you imbecile!

Daddy needs a new pair of HED 3's

B-Rose is right once in a while. I said once in a while. He said the young ladies at Isles Bun or Bun Isle are cute. He was right...at least this time. Cute in a girl next door kind of way. And very friendly and helpful. I would've picked up your order Tommy Gun but Rosenberg is more of a delivery boy than me.

Yes, I stayed home again. My mommy says I coughed almost all night long. I feel a little better. Why ruin the weekend by going to work on a Friday.

Today's plans for Snowy and I will include some panhandling at the 46th Street light rail station. Give till it hurts.

For Snides

I'll have the cough syrup latte

Called in sick again today...really raw throat, congestion, out-of-body experiences and hallucinations of Chubby cooking. Drove Mrs to work and hit Hard Times for a Helter Skelter and coffee.

Will soon be on the couch browsing Mrs magazines...Taste of Home, Country Living and Nun's Life while waiting for Ellen and The View to come on.

Better e-mail Duane for the latest political stuff.

Almost forgot. I won an E-bay auction for what else, a Cincinnati Bengals skull cap and one of the guys I outbid sent me a private E-bay message that just said 'dckwad'. I checked this guy's comments and he's stiffed a couple of sellers leading to some witty reparte'. I sent the seller a message about the guy and the seller said this dork has been harassing many bidders. Can't beat fun on old E-bay

Military Hopes To Shoot Down Errant Satellite And Screw Up Lunar Eclipse With One Shot

Get outta here or I'll breathe on you

I called in sick today and I'm actually sick...really sore throat, congestion, hot, cold, hallucinations over Martha Stewart. I still got dressed and drove Mrs to work, so there. Yeah, it probably doesn't help to ride a bike when it's 10 below but you're the last person I want to hear that shit from.

Hey Hiawatha guys, that Nature Valley Grand Prix is going to include Ohio Street as part of its time trial. What's the best part about going anywhere near Ohio Street? That would be that kick ass pastry shop right off it.

Well, Snowy and I are going to line up the chick flicks and keep a box of Kleenex handy. I bought some cough syrup but it's not like the old days when Ma gave you that stuff with our old buddy Mr Codiene in it.

Wisconsin boys are so dreamy

Castro Superglues Hand To Forehead Forcing Him To Quit As President

She's hard to find behind the racks

I picked Mrs up at 1:30 yesterday and we went to Saint Paul, no shit Saint Paul, because she wanted to go to one of her favorite thrift stores in the Sun Ray strip mall. I gave her plenty of time to look too. She returned the favor by letting me pick the lunch spot. I chose Dixie's on Grand Avenue.

Rosenberg suspended by Bloodclot Racing for using instant gravy

No, I didn't waste the energy it would've taken to walk to the top. Come to think of it, I didn't waste much energy in October. CVO, this is some of my better photoshopping. It's really like 70 degrees here.

Let's do it pantsless

Banks are closed and so is the City Of Richfield except for those liquor stores who keep the City financially stable according to some of their employees. Hopefully, the Finkelstein kid doesn't subscribe to this belief.

Breakfast at Hard Times. It's like a cheery coffee shop without the cheery part. If I go there just three more times Spencer will give me my street cred button.

Mrs on the chemical dependency counsellors where she works: 'They're so white I don't know how they expect them to relate to intercity kids'. Perspective baby, just one of the reasons I love you.

Hurl, I'll move out to Maple Grove before he can ride 100 miles in one day. Never in the history of the world has one mf talked so much about riding his bike without actually riding it. By the way, the mf stands for melon farmer. Carla, I'm gonna tease about that forever.

Posts without pictures blow. I guess I could take a picture of my gut.

A sitdown with Boxhead

Mrs in her 'granny bag' giving me the proper send-off.

More feared than The Jackal is the immortal Boxhead.

The boys shortly after Hurl's nerves were frayed.

50th Street bridge is out. The only reason to go up a hill is so you can go really fast down the other side. Major bullshit. Riding a bike has finally been fun again the last 3 days.

You got the hooch

Ride your bike outside today. Don't watch the news because loads of people in the world have died this week from a variety of reasons. Are you rednecks stoked for the Daytona 500? What's sadder than young conservatives? One of my time trialling advisors told me that professional cyclists in the US don't make shit for money. Dying elm trees paid for breakfast this morning...with a check for all you literal types. If you think this is hard to read then go try to make sense of the Kenwood Racing blog or any of Rosenberg's drivell for that matter. Get a balaclava by sundown or we're shipping you off to military school...

Wow, that was good for me. Let's share a smokey and go our separate ways.

You Don't Have To Watch Dynasty To Have An Attitude

Good Morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's the West Bank, baby!

The West Bank is probably my favorite part of Minneapolis.

Not one of mine

Spencer's right, regular brewed coffee is awesome. I guess I didn't pay attention before today. And only a dollar a cup.
Paul, we should be walking down Michigan Avenue today throwing Susan B's and Sachagawea's into panhandler's cups.

Yes Hurl, Rosenberg looks good in a wig

Happy Valentines Day to the Mayor. He makes me laugh.

Lips Like Sugar Kisses

Happy Valentines Day girls. I think all of you are beautiful regardless of size or color. I asked the fabulous Mrs to marry me 28 years ago today. What a romantic bastard, huh.

How about a 4 day weekend? Okay.

Duane tells me that the Republican Convention will be in Saint Paul later this year. He's such a good source of information.

I did a 21:50 at Black Dog before work this morning.

Wait a second! Timmer went to Snowballs Chance In Hell and Homie last fall. Can you say street cred?

Julia, some other scumbag marked 'Milton'.

Thanks for the chocolate bear in my lunch, punk.

Product review

This blinkie sucks. It worked for a while like most blinkies and then quit...oh yeah, it takes an N size battery which most places don't stock. The only reasonably priced commuter lights that are worth a shit are Relights and the only place you can get them is Hiawatha Cyclery. This particular piece of plastic crap was purchased at Varsity Bike Shop.

7ish update: A confidential memo from my homie Ben Doom sheds a bit more information on the availability of Relights. The great Revolution Cycle And Ski in Saint Cloud also sell them. If you don't buy Relights at Revolution then buy something else because consuming is what drives this economy. Fiscal conservatives? What bullshit! We can spend our way out of any recession that comes along.

84 days to Black Dog, I think

Snakecrotch's pictures from the handbuilt bicycle show are the best thing I've seen on the internet in a while...besides the pictures you post of your dog, mind you. Gonna be cold Saturday morning, boy. I guess I can drag my ass out of bed.

Mrs and I would like to retire to a place that doesn't have a snowpack from December thru April. No, not Dead Moines or Kansas City. Those pictures of Portland looked pretty cool.

Some of you I meet in person think I'm such a hard ass about making people remove their diseased elm trees. I marked the tree in yesterday's post on August 15th of '07. It's not a real threat to spread Dutch Elm Disease until April 15th. It's a rental house. I left a carefully worded note explaining the situation. Word got back to the landlord who called my office phone yesterday afternoon and left a message. Time for the full court press.

Hey jigglestick, it said remove and dispose

Don't overanalyze

Hmmmmmm

I've noticed that roadies like to go some place warm to train for those mid-pack finishes and DNF's. I guess a break is needed from woofing on their blogs and message boards. I know, I know, I just don't get it.

Talk about a parade bike

I borrowed this from Mellow Velo who went to handbuilt bicycle show in Portland.

This blog will end with Duane doing Neil Diamond

I missed the swap meet yesterday because it was too cold and too far away. If you bought some crap from the Cat 6 table...thank you. I would've loved to see people I hadn't seen in a while, especially that Tegeder. Skibby? Are you sure about 100th best?

350 million smokers in China can't be wrong. That's 1 of every 3. Keep up the good work.

Yes, ride in was cold. I wore stylish shoes instead of boots and my feets felt it.

Are we in a recession? Not until they can pry our credit cards from our cold dead fingers.

Please race the crit series in June on the state fairgrounds. You know how much you kids love crits.

5th Annual Stache Bashe - Gravy Quest