Angry NFL Coaches

Listen to Horseface because he played football

I have my own favorite cross racer, Timmy

My favorite tween's hero

One of a kind...

This is a private sight

Dear Snakecrotch,

So I stopped at CRC this morning and Uncle Hurl fixed the brakes on my clown bike and set me up with a set of neato keano lime green grips and come to think of it I never paid for the 12 cups of coffee either.

In other news my neighbor (not the crotchety prick) is going on some kind of mountain climbing extravaganza to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of same activity even though the dumb shit has 3 kids under 6. Even I'm not that GD goofy.

Dogs barking at me to go for a walk even though the crazy bitches have been allowed to graze in the front yard. Stop the madness.

Reblogging here is fun kinda under the radar.

Take care homeboy.

Ray

Because nobody cares

I may start posting some stuff here again.

I may detail my job search which would be very short.

Post photos of me vacuuming.

Photos of breakfast, lunch and dinner and it would still be more interesting than half of the shit you waste your time on when you're at work on your Facebook page and Twattering.

I expect the Poofter to leave a comment on this venue some time today because he's a savvy internet guy with a 3 button shirt for casual Friday.

Sweet Home Chicago

Anybody heard from Junker?

We have fled the Matrix and have landed on the planet Lovetron (see Darryl Dawkins) and will be writing all kinds of zany bullshit. Come with me if you want to live.

Why are you here when you should be HERE. Go ahead, click the mouse...I dare ya.

The time has come for us to part ways...at least at this location. It's been fun. Everything ends. I know this for a fact.

Mrs and I have been married 28 years today. I had my knee operated on for the first time 29 years ago today which is the day I met her. Debbie and my mother are the two best people I've ever known in my whole life. You can't say much more than that.

Cancel the three ring circus

I'm going to give cross racing a break. Since I'm not allowed to pay my 20 bucks and have fun...do a lap and stop to chat without the race official giving me shit and getting e-mails the next day...wink, wink, go away honey...I'll just take a break. I'm going to do everything possible not to break my streak of not driving to work which started in April of 2005. Commuting is life and bike racing is for shits and giggles...or at least it should be.

Father Flanagan left a message on my cell phone tonight

I stopped to talk to some hecklers out in the woods but they really weren't much for conversation. It might have been because I told a couple of them 'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on' earlier in the race.

Mrs says she also works on her grocery shopping list during the race

If you know anyone in these pictures don't say anything

Lovie my Lovie

I know from my stats that I have some people from Chicago checking this thing out. So I get home from Wirth and turn on the Bears game and they're trailing by 9 so during a commercial I check out another game eventually coming back to the Bears who have miraculously scored 10 points and taken a 20 to 19 lead with 11 seconds to go in the game. They've just scored so they're kicking off. So Big Game Lovie has the f-ing kicker squib a dribbler so the Falcons get the ball at about their own 40. One completion later the Falcons are about to line up for a 47 yard field goal which of course they make to win the game 22 to 20. The Lantern understands because he and his wife are sports fans. The rest of you roadies need to go ride your trainer and eat a Clif bar or some shit.

Wirth Cup Classic

I did the C race and went home. My sweetheart had to put my after-race shoe on for me and tie it. Something in that knee is not good right now so I didn't feel like walking back to the race area and stand on it more. I can skip the B and A race bell ringing once a season.
I like this kid. I hope he sticks with it.


I asked the boy why he was so far uptrack. He said he had a problem by the barrier with the seat and his shorts and went down. Shit happens.

Wirth Classic Cup

Congrats to Kristy and Jay. Our bride deserves her very own post. She's a sweetheart and I'm glad I know her.

I looked up Jacques Anquetil and here he is. He was on the Hiawatha ride yesterday too. Wirth Cup Classic today. Any hecklers saying the wrong thing will be draggeded into the woods and have the piss beaten out of them...except for Meow who can say what she wants to. She brings baked goods and I'm a total whore when it comes to sweets.

Monte tells me that Fausto Coppi was on the Hiawatha Ride this morning and I guess I'll take his word for it.

You may never...

get mugged by a pack of wild dogs over a cheeseburger.

Off today. Stop at Ma's. See what hi jinks the Rosenberg boys are up to. Pay off my brake pad debt to society. Stop at Lickety Split. Pick up Mrs at the big hospital. Oh well, time to walk savage beasts.

Swagger Thursday

For Super Rookie

Missed her by this much

A woman ran out in front of me (running for her bus) and I yelled - 'Holy shivering sheep shit honey' which got her attention. I had 'er cranked up too and she would have been knocked back into the house. I told her - 'Have a nice day and remember to look both ways'.

I sure the hell hope Obama, Franken and Ashwin Madia want to raise my taxes. I have a war and a bailout to pay for. And you thought the stadium tax was ridiculous. Remember too, execs at places like AIG and Lehman Brothers need to go on a retreat on your dime to discuss how fucked up the company is and who gets what for severance packages.

Iceland may be going bankrupt. If we didn't have all these financial problems we could have bought Iceland.

'Raymond, you still have a lot of shit at the old place'

I need to go over to my old office to move the rest of my junk out. Let me know if you need any 10 year old packets of mayonnaise. We'll be renting the building out to the contractor rebuilding the Lyndale Bridge over 494. My boss says they'll rebuild 494 after they finish all the bridges. And you thought traffic was bad now.

I really love the way my dogs look at me when they discover it's raining when we leave for their walk. It's like..."Hey shithead, did you know that it's raining?"

My hometown baseball teams were 1 and 6 in the playoffs. If you take out Michael Jordan, the'85 Bears and the '05 White Sox you don't have much to celebrate in the way of Chicago sports. Don't matter to me. I'll take my allegiances to my Chicago teams with me to my grave.

Best of the best

They call me Tater Salad? Wow, my name is Kitty and I'm running for Assembly.
Yeah, I guess light grey isn't the best color for cross.
I guess the frosting is the best part.
T3 looks good running through the sand but nobody liked it. I don't like sand, stones or other assorted shit in my shoes. And one insect bite is too much. Let's all thank God I'm no longer drinking because Pudges would have had a visitor during the C race.

Dancing With The Stars On Tape Delay...Mrs Pissed

More of Mrs's's's fine photography

The Low Spark Of High Heeled Boys

He just defines sexy

Win the A race? No problem. Win the B race? Easier yet. He's a great man and a great blogger and makes it all look so easy.

More pictures to come tomorrow. It's 8 o'clockish and I'm going to bed for seepy.

Hudson Cross

Corcoran where everone comes home with schwag

I don't think I'm a bad person just because I'd like to crease some civilian coming out of the crapper.



Martin and Lewis?

Lenny, do you like the rabbits?

Todd should be home studying

That's all you get for tonight. I'm riding my bike in Wisconsin tomorrow so Mrs and I will be leaving soon.

Oh, hi there

Corcoran Cross - Crossniacs Set

Corcoran Cross - 1st set

Thank you God for a dry beautiful day






Jessica taking her milk money at the run up.

Better

Corcoran Cross Race In Omaha

Convert from pdf to jpeg? No problem. I'm piss-my-pants-excited as usual and look forward to the cross re-debuts of Skibby ,Love Chunks and T3. Mrs is cooking a nutritious breakfast and I've limited my wardrobe choices to 5 items excluding the mu mu which has been shipped to the Smithsonian.

It's always comforting to know the public is more concerned about the pittance payed to support City services than a 12 billion dollar a month war.

Don't take candy from strangers

I didn't attend work yesterday. I'm going to take every Wednesday off on the weeks I'm supposed to work 5 days in addition to my weeks that I have Friday off. You're more important at work than I am. Did you know that I remember when the President was murdered and life continued without him? So, I guess you're not all that important.

Ghost Bike Ride

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Ghost Bike Memorial Ride to Honor Fallen Bicyclists

Minneapolis / St.Paul-October 2008 - This Saturday, the bicycle community will come together to honor the memory of cyclists who have been killed in recent accidents on Twin Cities streets. A memorial ride will visit the sites of three of the most recent crashes, where "Ghost Bikes" have been placed as a memorial to the victims. For more info on Ghost Bikes please visit http://www.ghostbikempls.org .

Family, friends and cyclists are invited to participate in this group ride. Organizers are asking that participating cyclists please wear a black shirt with orange ribbon around their arm or handlebars. Ribbon will be provided for those who need it.

What: Memorial Ride to Honor Fallen Bicyclists

13.6 miles for Twin Cities route (http://www.bikemap.net/route/89109)
14.3 miles extra for Blaine route (http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=2304032)
Where: Meet on the traffic island at Summit and Snelling Avenues in St.Paul

When: This Saturday, October 4th, 2008. The ride will meet at 10:30 am; depart 11:00 am

Contact: ghostbikempls@gmail.com or 612-276-1008

The ride will begin at Summit and Snelling Avenues near the ghost bike memorial for Virginia Heuer Bower. It will then head west down Lake Street to Excelsior and West 32nd Street, the ghost bike memorial for Jimmy Nisser. The ride will then head back up Excelsior/Lake, then northeast on Hennepin to the ghost bike memorial for Nik Morton.

There is an unrelated "group photo" event at 3pm at Gold Medal Park (the red square on the bikemap) and participants are welcome to continue on to be part of the "Unite Bike" group photograph: http://www.unitebike.com/

In the afternoon, another ride will head to Blaine in order to place a Ghost Bike at Central and Cloverleaf, where cyclist Dale Aanenson was killed.

Riders are expected to be orderly and respectful of traffic. If you are riding recklessly, you will be asked to leave.

More discussion on the memorial ride can be found on the community message board Minneapolis Bike Love: http://www.mplsbikelove.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=120680#p120680

Information about the victims of these tragedies can be found here:

Dale Phillip Aanenson - http://www.legacy.com/StarTribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=117902776

Virginia M. Heuer - http://www.legacy.com/StarTribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=118137017

Nik Morton - http://www.legacy.com/startribune/obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=118097033

Jimmy Nisser - http://www.legacy.com/StarTribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=117453438

I guess I'm not an engineer

Like you guys could ride 4300 miles in 9 months AND GAIN WEIGHT. Note: LC is Las Cruces. K is Kogswell. BC is Black Crosscheck.

This is some secret ass NSA/X Files shit and I know GD well they'll be knocking on the door soon trying to get my camera. F-ing Skibby is behind this.

Mean streets

We've had 5 cyclists hit by cars in the last couple of months which makes me wonder about our Twin Cities cycling culture (virus). If the Twin Cities are so great for cyclists then how fucked up is the rest of the country. We have a really good set of off street bike trails. Drivers here hate cyclists like everywhere else. Minnesotans drive a car because it gives them an opportunity to get pissed off.

Remember 2 thoughts I stole from someone when you're out in traffic on your little bike:

1) Assume drivers don't see you.

2) Assume drivers could care less about your safety

Ride safe. Wear your helmet. Make sure you have fresh batteries in your lights.

Stolen photos

Hello Monday

Remember the guy here who dreamed of straightening me out. I know...what bullshit. Well, he quit on Friday. His staff are all piss-their-pants-happy today.

Do you feel lucky?

Sometimes nuthin can be a real cool hand

Paul Newman died today. Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Verdict, Nobody's Fool...I've seen them all dozens of times. As a matter of fact I took the Pulaski bus to North Avenue and saw Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid at the Tiffin.

If your mom had turned your dad down like usual...

West Coast Bureau Chief Tuffy finally filed a report which included this picture. Nothing like a happy dog. America needs good teachers like Tuffy to straighten out our misguided youth.

Speaking of misguided youth I learned yesterday that the Utilities Supt. really wanted to supervise me under our re-organization when we moved to the new place. He did get Duane which had to count as something. I guess this guy would like to straighten me out. Good luck, employers have been trying to straighten me out for 30 years and they're starting to run out of time.

Off work today. Cross racing is in Duluth this weekend. I'm staying home to prepare for a double next weekend and visit Ma too.

On your left punk ass bitch

Sometimes you gotta blow the doors off people on the bike path...give 'em one toot of the horn as you're flying by or see them coming behind you and give 'er hell. That's what really sucks about winter. You're out there by yourself with nobody to chase.

Don't worry about Rosenberg and his internet virus. One call to his wife and she'll take the computer away.

Strategery

Bush is going to talk soon about just how your trillion dollars will be spent. We're gonna smoke 'em out of their holes. Wait, that was about something else. The only thing you need to know about this is that you'll call the forester 15 times about a dead branch in your neighbor's tree but won't do shit about a 12 billion dollar a month war or a trillion to bail out guys who give you 2% on your savings and lend it back to you at 8%.

After gas consumption...

we'll get into the numbers of your sex life. Vision loss and hearing problems? How about the ability to cut a hole in a window?

Interrogation

So, if Mrs and I use $40 worth of gasoline a month for the little bit of driving we do...then how much do you use if you drive to work. Not a trick question. I know the answer for Hurl and Snakecrotch is zero. Don't be afraid to comment. I won't try to sell you insurance. Smithers won't care because he's in Las Vegas at Interbike taking pictures of the parking garage and telling prostitutes 'My wife said no whores'.

That 500 billion is like 100 bucks in real money

It sure is fun to argue with y'all in the comments section sometimes. Good luck. I will tell you I get paid to argue with people and I remember everything we've ever talked about and everything you've ever written about on your blog.

Driving to Saint Cloud this past weekend confirms just how bad y'all are at merging into traffic.

I missed my new commuters this morning. That rain won't melt you.

Like Bill Maher says, 'the next time I open a checking account at a bank I want a really nice fucking toaster'.

Happy Birthday Daniel

Our great nephew Daniel is one year old today. The City boys put on a little fireworks display to celebrate.

I'm going into The Matrix for a short time today

Some woman was heckling me to try harder. I told her to get her ass out here.
The Poofter and Timmy on the back 9. Shots of ketchup will knock out that cold, Timmy.

Wah is influencing me to bring back my soul patch.

Dag was grimacing as he came by...something about pool...well, not pool exactly...but definitely about balls.

Hard Dogger just looks like a bike racer to me.

I feel like I'm going to fall down if I look at this one long enough.
I think the Loon State guys should wear name tags.

On a clear day you can see Hans's and Franz's estates.

Without Stoker...Don is a mere mortal.
I see Dickey is still combing his hair with buttered toast. This may not be Dickey. I don't have my glasses on.
Crossniacs looked good, rode hard and lent Bush the 500 billion he's using to bail out the banking industry.

Like I keep telling you, when the dogs return from their alien planet (Planet Doggie Woggie) they'll be taking me back with them.

Porkchop Challenge

Photos courtesy of Jimmer

Master Cullen and I raced our bikes in Saint Cloud today. There were lesser knowns who raced and we'll get to their photos later. Thanks to Doom and his posse who put on an unbelievable race. Good course, good food and I was even allowed to stand in the vicinity of Daddy Mach and the St Cloud cool kids. Volunteers baby, they're the stars of bike racing. Oh, I almost forgot...congrats to Lynne who finished a gluten free beer in just under 2 hours.

HC Saturday Morning

A spirited group showed for the HC Factory Ride with Cippolini in the role of coxswain. Mechanical issues and political discussions aside it was a very fun ride especially the coffee stop in Dinkytown. Lord, don't strike me blind right at this time.

The votes are in

It's comical to read the assorted crap roadies throw around about cyclocross. Never before has a group taken something so enjoyable as riding a bike and beaten it into the ground.

I really love baseball and the playoffs and World Series are coming soon. I texted some other wise guys about one of the "major awards" (including leg lamp) that will be given out at seasons end. I asked Tuffy, Mr Flood and Ermisch if the National League MVP will be Ryan Howard or Carlos Delgado.

Mr Flood threw out CC Sabathia as a smart ass. Ermisch still reeling from his 21st birthday celebration picked Albert Pujols which proves that Ermisch doesn't know shit. Tuffy went way out on a limb when he picked Tim Lincecum of the SF Giants. Very interesting Tuffy. Yes, his 17 wins are exactly 25% of his horseshit team's total. Without him, the Giants would be laughable.

I applaud Tuffy's pick but I think Ryan Howard with 46 home runs, 140 runs batted in, a .240 batting average and 200 strikeouts will slightly edge out another excellent season from Delgado.

Not interested in baseball. Well sporty, I sure don't give a shit what you think. Go away. Go to bed. Have a cream soda. Hang yourself in the shower. I never liked you anyway. Come on...you love it when I'm mean to you. You can pull that Minnesota Nice bullshit out and throw it back at me.

My boss told me...

it was too nice out to be in the office so I went out and layed my life on the line for Rosenberg and the other ingrates who live in Richfield. Is it layed or laid? Which one involves the good nightgown? Hurl, I really think you're the only one qualified to answer.

Everybody's going

I'm going to Saint Cloud Sunday for the Pork Chop Challenge. I'm going to ride my bike and eat some chili and ask Kyia Malkalenovichski where my Pimp Daddy faux fur hat is. And...I'm going to congratulate my friend Ben Doom and talk 2 minutes of politics with Mac Daddy. Cyclocross in Minnesota starts this weekend! Bully!!

I just called to say I love you

The City had a contractor lay new storm sewer at 73rd and 1st as part of a pretty big project. There's a weekly meeting with our Utilities Department, Engineering Department and all the contractors. Some trees needed to be cut down. The trees will be replaced. They called Duane during the meeting yesterday to get my cell phone number. He gave them my PERSONAL cell phone number. They got my voicemail. My voicemail message is: Hi, it's Ray, I see you figured out how to dial a telephone.

Easy Al, I hate those right wing motherfuckers too.

I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe.
If your girl steps up I'm smackin' the ho.

Hi there

My boss says I don't have to attend the Community Services Commission meeting tonight. He didn't give a reason but I have a few:

1) He's afraid I'll adjust Commissioner Rodney's tie

2) I'll show up pantsless

3) I'll light the conference room table on fire

4) I'll sit there muttering nonsense in pig Latin

5) He knows I'd miss Fringe

6) Snowy, Kiah and I will put on our version of Rent. I'm a man. I made it through Rent.

7) I'll play one of Snakecrotch's hard hitting interviews on Sioux Falls, SD's only tv station.

8) I'll bring Rosenberg

9) I'll come as Carmen Miranda

10) ?????????????????

Happy Monday

Big Z's no-hitter has put a little cheer in to Monday morning.

Happy Sunday

Ride your bike or not. Don't waste too much time on yard work. On second thought waste a lot of time on yard work because the world must be balanced for my lazy ass.

Went to see Righteous Kill, had a pizza and stopped to see Ma. The old bag who owns Ma's place would have a chicken if she saw this picture.

Mrs turned on the tv when we got up this morning just to see reporters standing out in Hurricane Ike. She really gets a kick out of that.

Shit, you bring a MF 5 bald tires and coffee and he still bellyaches. Just kidding boy. Next time we'll go see that reprobate Pakistani for some of his good cheer.

I think I have more FUN riding a bicycle than most of you roadies.

Trench, any time is good to thank me for ramming that removal down that school's throat and dealing with Father Schmucky.

Till you come back to me...

Mrs was off sick for 2 days so I drove her to work this morning ...in my jammies.

Many of my new commuters need to stop at a bike shop and get some lights.

I pissed a woman off so bad this week that she walked away from me. One of our guy's mother lives on the same block and says previously mentioned woman is a biotch.

It's hard to go against the grain these days with y'all so firmly entrenched in the matrix. Don't go outside the 9 dots...don't ever go inside them.

Are we safer today than pre-911? I sure hope the answer is yes. I would hope those 4000 soldiers killed in Iraq and Afganistan died for something. Advancements in medical technology mean more badly wounded soldiers survive as amputees. Not to mention their emotional scars. Take a moment today to TELL the people in your inner circle you love them.

Just for Trench

Tree marked. School is going to have my contractor remove the tree. I dealt with the school administrator and not the janitor this time. I introduced myself as the City Forester and some smart ass priest asked how many forests there are in Richfield. I don't think God would've minded if I had given Father Milton Berle a wedgie. I told him he needs a drummer for rim shots.

Found in a Richfield alley

That's gonna leave a mark

I returned to work for some reason today even though I couldn't find my tennis racket last night. It's a classic wooden racket that I used extensively when I took tennis in college. I remember a kid in class getting hit in his package during "volleying" practice close to the net. He doubled over in pain and our teacher asked what was up. I said 'Jeff just got hit in a personal area and the marriage nuptials are suddenly in doubt'. Jeff was getting married on the following Saturday.

Consider today a victory

I'm going to have Big Dave lead us up to the line and then I'll take over.

No work for Mrs and I today. Mrs isn't feeling too well. I told my boss today was cancelled due to a lack of interest.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom? Actually, a pit bull can't make Pop Tarts or start the microwave but I'm sure they can rack up serious minutes on their cell phones, too.

Put your mouth guards in Cub fans. We're in for a rough ride.

Lizzie, your Auntie and I are hooked on Mexican pastries.

A lot of the people I spoke to at work (besides my co-workers) seemed like they should've been institutionalized. I'm sure they said the same thing about me.

It's hard to work with conservatives when you're me. Less government is a pipe dream. Our legislators don't have a clue about what's going on at street level.

Today's goal for Mrs and I will be to sign our tax return and mail it in. Then, I think they'll send us our $1200.

I ran into one of my sponsors (Eric from Banjo Brothers) who told me there are liberals in Minnesota. Where?

I dreamt of passing a bike with cobalt blue tires that were actually silver when I looked down the block.

Do you think you could survive out on the street as homeless?

He's no candy striper

The gun toting nurse hit the nail on the head with this article. Bolstad and I prefer the company of dogs to most people.

I'm sorry, Tom

This is Tom Brady. I drafted him with my first pick in our fantasy football league at work. He played one quarter yesterday and then tore his ACL. I've been playing fantasy football for 14 years or so. Great players have a habit of getting injured or having off years when they're on my roster. Big Daddy always gives me shit about this fact. This morning will be no different.

I'm off to a secret location

The boys on the Cat 6 message board were discussing today's regularly scheduled training ride and how rain might impact their decision to ride. T3 replied with 'Pfffft, roadies'. See, we've got candyass roadies just like some of you on Cat 6. Not you, Morgan. You're legendary.

Yeah, I get Family Circle...what's it to you

I may be blogging now but I can hear the US Open on in the living room. That's a tennis tournament for some of you backward mugs. It's Nadal vs Murray.

The on-air personality on The Jewelry Channel, USA can only be described as slutty. If you're related to her I'm sorry but your sister/cousin/step-sister/nanny is a freak.

Mr Crosby (County Cycles) sold me the pedals pictured above for my cross bike. There was a time this week when the act of clipping out was quite painful and hitting bumps wasn't much better. I consulted the cool kids about the tires and bought this lash up from Alfred E Bike as recommended by The Lantern.

ET, phone home.

Rosenberg's out driving around with my lawnmower in the back of his mini-van like Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. If you see him, buy him a cup of coffee and tell him everything will be ok once we start chasing the Crack on the cross course. Yeah baby, cross in 2 weeks.

Fun starts with the Rosenberg boys

Speaking of paperwork...I better pay those late garbage bills. There's a 39 dollar late fee on one. I just cross off the late fee. I tell them I'll re-bid the contract if they hassle me about the bills. Tony Soprano would be so proud.

Time for Saint Paul to fold up the sidewalks

Well Saint Paul, you're 15 minutes are almost over. You can go back to being Kenosha on the Mississippi. Wait, Kenosha at least has Lake Michigan.

Jim W, is that you that I've passed the last 2 days? Today you were wearing a yellow shirt from the Ward Cleaver collection.

You would think that you could find 42nd and 20th from 66th and Penn without resorting to f-ing Google Maps.

I'm saving up for one of these

It's hard to work with rednecks. Security at the Republican Convention is a direct result of 9/11. 9/11 is the scapegoat for loads of extra government intervention. Not the outlaw forester. These are my opinions. What's this got to do with the Hanley Ramirez jersey? What's anything got to do with anything?