It's F-ing Epic Because I Said So!

Kruse was muddy but I think he had a good time.

Spiderman also had a really good time playing in the mud. Us Cat 6ers specialize in making good poses at bike races.

You know, I went to college. I don't need to ride in the mud when I don't hafta. I kept Manda from Vello Bella entertained as long as I could. I spun my tire in the mud and asked her if she saw it. She said, 'Yeah, it's on my face'.

I gotta believe a little lawn work's gonna be necessary after today.

Talk about the big fat fanny!! Oh that Mrs is such a funny girl.

Award ceremony. I didn't win anything but Sone gave us her major award (cycling computer)that she won in the drawing. Thanks Linda, it will be put to good use.

Leg washdown in the ditch. I had a great time and got to see Red Lantern and Doom but no Skibby. Two out of three ain't bad. I think I finished last in my category but my mommy took me to CRC for coffee and a cookie anyway.

What do I wear?

I'm the anti-bike racer sometimes bike racer and I'm draggin' Mrs to Orono so I can play for 30 minutes and jump over stuff and ride my bike some. The highlight of the day will be if I see Skibby, Red Lantern and Doom.

The Babysitter

Snow has these for sale on her blog

Here's our man Dan

I borrowed this one from Lizzie's blog. This is my great nephew Daniel. Hopefully, I can bootleg a shot of him when he's a bit less slimey.

Escape From Wisconsin

No work today. I could ride to meet Tuffy for lunch but he's busy educating. Mow the lawn? Nyet. Organize my sock drawer? Hmmm, might be on to something.

After escort service I was stopped by a couple of guys in some shitbox Dodge by the Government Center asking where the police station was. I pointed to City Hall and told them to stay on 3rd and take a right at the next corner. Pretty simple, right? Wrong. I continue on 5th Street (whichever one parallels the LRT tracks) and low and behold a couple of blocks down here come the boys driving down the train tracks. Some pedestrian points out that they're on the tracks and they take a right onto Marquette, me thinks. Moral of the story? They had Wisconsin plates on the car. But, one of them had a Brett Favre jersey on.

I'm not getting as many comments as I'd like and hits are way down. Some days I feel like walking away but then I remember how much my Mrs enjoys this bullshit and I continue on. Expect more You Tube videos.

Hopefully we'll have Internet service on Saturday because I changed local phone carriers and added internety stuff to the phone line. New home phone service has no long distance, no caller id and no voicemail. It just rings endlessly. F-ing A right!! Call it right now and you'll see. The number is 612-724-1917. Mrs was concerned about no caller id and identifying solicitors. I told her to learn how to get rid of them. I'm like a cat with a mouse when it comes to solicitors on the phone.

Alright Crosby, I'm blathering on. It's Farmer's Market knockwurst time. Chesterfield Cross Tour For Panhandler Smoky Treats makes a stop in Orono on Sunday. The next breakdown of my Las Cruces will be the last. Then we move on to my 1 x 1.

My mother-in-law told us to enjoy each other

Seemed a little chilly this morning or maybe it's just that 2 days ago it was pea soup humid. I wore a winter type hat and shorts with knee warmers.

Mrs will be attending a wedding on Saturday with a group of girls from her work. I'm really glad I don't have to go. Most married men hate being forced to go to weddings unless they're like the father of the bride or groom and even then I bet they would prefer some type of elopement.

I marked a tree at a house being sold and left a message on the realtor's office phone. He called back and we talked about the tree and then he asked me if I was a liberal. I should've asked him if he was from Minnesota because that would've been a pretty bold question from a native Minnesotan. I am a liberal because I need to hear all the information before I make a decision. I'm somewhat in awe of conservatives. They know they're right. I'm still amazed by the fax machine.

After watching the Cullen boys splat practicing their cyclocross dismounts I have come to the conclusion that for the class I'll be racing and the amount of effort I plan to make...learning dismounting is a waste of time for me. I will, however, find a hill in the neighborhood to run up with the bike over my shoulder.

Is The Princess Ready For Her Walk?

Mrs has signed a 30 year contract with some chick to take Snowy for a half hour walk twice a week. I have not met the dog walker but I would tell her to make sure all my neighbors see Snowy being walked. And, what is the dog walker's name? Why Jesus-H-Tap-Dancin'-Christ, it's Debbie!

Anybody In Saint Cloud Have A Cold?

I have a head cold but I won't be a bitch about it. It did keep from from sleeping last night but not from biking to work. I'll be good as long as my co-worker Duane doesn't come over with all 50 playoff scenarios from Major League Baseball.

We have an addition to the family. My niece Lizzie gave birth to Daniel Brian Wroblewski on Saturday. He was 7 pounds 6 ounces and according to my nephew Paul who gave me the news...average height.

Hollywood fixed my bike last night so I guess I may attempt another cross race this weekend unless there's a good football game on tv.

Now that I've just about gotten over Clyde Drexler's jitterbug I see that I'll get to be mesmerized by Marie Osmond doing the samba. How bout a little dirty dancing?

Oh fuck, here comes Duane.

More from Saint Cloud

Casper wondering when Red Loontern will show up with his new Magna.
Here you go, Jon. Actually, it's always great to see you.

Kristy looking to Jay for instructions while Jim demonstrates the EPICNESS of cross.
Benita, I'm sorry I destroyed the drive train of my bike. I was really looking forward to racing against you.

You have to give it to Klauck, well you don't HAVE to, but he did give it a max effort.

Tuffy, your expertise is needed. I can't come up with an adequate caption for this one.

Doom's dog Zoe (like Joey with a Z, there buttercup). She's one big girl.

His Majesty finishing his mountain bike race on Saturday.

Previous three are from the mountain bike race. This is the rock garden. Mountain biking differs from cross in the way that mountain bikers look for ways to injure themselves at places like the rock garden.
Hollywood at the rock garden.
Here you go Kristy Kreme. Party on.

It's A Well Known Fact That Kids, Dogs And Debbies Love Me

I went to Saint Cloud this weekend with the idea of maybe doing the Pork Chop Challenge CX race if I felt like it. I spent Saturday night at the Doom's house playing with their children and dog and generally having a hell of of a good time. I love kids and dogs...and smart ass Debbies. I left the decision to race as a game time decision which was quickly changed to a definite yes when I ran into Hollywood and Kristy upon my arrival at the park. Here I am on my warm-up lap.

Still on my warm-up lap and seeing Doom with my camera I made this hill into a long run-up. Skibby, this must be the part of cross that you describe as EPIC. You know why those A guys are so fast? It's because tourist class (C's and B's) have beaten the course down to a super highway. I was all set to race when...

Obviously a major malfunction. Derailleur hanger broke sending some bike parts into the wheel. I put the bike back in the car and then ran into Hollywood who told me he could make a single speed out of my bike. He and Mike from Revolution made the conversion to a single and I lined up at the back with the C's. Jay's instructions were to make one lap and enjoy the day and to not put too much pressure on the pedals. 100 feet into the race the chain fell off and I decided to ditch.

Weekend in Saint Cloud was great and I met some really nice people. From my warm-up lap I learned that cross takes a really intense effort and it helps to have a lighter bike cuz you're gonna be carrying the damn thing.

These Are The Bars Your Dad Would Race Cross With If We Could Get His Ass Off The Couch

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through Interbike, son.

Stopped at the hospital so Mrs could drop off her gifts for the wedding showers and went up to her floor with her. She works on the Adolescent Day Treatment Program. That's 13-18 year-olds in case you were wondering. Her floor is pretty drab and institutional. There must be a reason behind this.
Where's Mrs in this photo?
Gone but not forgotten. The time is approaching to find a sister for Snowy.
Richfield Community Services Commission Chairman
Note to Mrs: I'll need a dozen hard boiled eggs for my trip to the Saint Cloud. Something about Hans and Franz. What's Harry Dean Stanton's line from Repo Man? 'Time to scramble those MFers hash for good.

The Bad Boy's Bad Boy

Hip Suburban White Guy: Sushi

Read the story. XO always expresses himself in such an understated PC kind of way. Gotta go. I'm gonna go mark some trees while listening to Love 105 in my old squad car.

Judge Judy And Executioner

So you've read a bunch of blogs and thought...hey, it doesn't look all that tough. Next up is to register at Blogger and pick a template and announce yourself to the world. Even I wrote a first blog post almost three years ago. At first you'll have a shitload of topics and the blogging will be easy. Then, you'll kinda run out of steam and have to search for shit to post. I can tell when the bloggers who post almost daily are stalling. If you post once or twice a week I can't tell when you're having control problems.

Do you say you don't care how many hits you get? Come on, don't bullshit a bullshitter. You care or you wouldn't have a blog. I have followed Dr Smithers advice and defined my target market and try to post every day.

Who's blog do I check first thing when I get to work? Before he stopped blogging it was always Tuffy's blog. Then he quit blogging and Skibby took the lead. Now Skibby quit. These days I usually check Smithers or Super Rookie or Hurl first. Right after that I check your blog. How's that for diplomatic? Consider today's post my version of the prevent defense.

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I can't come up with a caption. Take a shot in the comments section. Come on all you anonymous fuckers from Osage, Iowa and Gillette, Wyoming and other garden spots...help me out. The chances that Snowy and I will hunt you down and rip your heart out are pretty slim.

Hi, I'm Pretend Forester Ray!

My performance at the meeting last night could only be described as scintillating. My boss poo-pooed my idea to appear clean shaven so I went for the Jean Reno look from Ronin. Only a couple of memorable moments:

Commissioner: My neighbor just had a tree marked for Dutch Elm Disease.
Me: Yes, where do they live?
Commissioner: Next door to me.


Commissioner: If all these elms are going to get Dutch Elm Disease eventually, why don't we just cut them all down now?
Me: One of you wouldn't happen to have a hammer, would you?


And now for something completely different.


I dropped Mrs off at Macy's while I dazzled the peasants so she could get a couple of wedding shower gifts. Gift registry? WTF! When we got married we gave our family members 24 hours notice and Mrs family threw her a shower like a month later. The gifts were stuff like toasters, crock pots and fancy potatoe (Dan Quail) chip bowls. I looked at the shit on this gift registry and it's $8 GD cake servers and stainless steel this and pewter that. At least there will be something worthwhile to split up in the divorce settlement.


A little bird asked me what I meant when I said bike racers are too serious in a recent post. Not sure if bike racers in other parts of the country are too serious? I work with guys who in some cases went to high school together and still talk about some goal they scored 20 years ago. Talk, I mean argue. Maybe it's just Minnesota. Some bike racers like to over analyze. Glad I'm not a bike racer.

Community Services Commission Meeting Tonight

I need to prepare a short dog-and-pony show for the citizens who make up the CS Commission. The only thing you need to know about these volunteer commissions is that they're completely guided by self-interest. I haven't given a forestry talk to these people in about 3 years so I guess it's about time. Highlights of my presentation will include but not be limited to:


A) Excerpts of my trips to HR where I was sighted for conduct unbecoming of a cheerleader.
B) Photos of my most recent trip to Chicago which will feature my favorite panhandlers.
C) A dozen donuts
D) Word association and an ink blot test
E) A pistol whipping from Mrs


I bet you wish you could attend but you're so wrapped up in Kid Nation or some other shit on tv that you couldn't possibly tear yourself away or maybe you're spending quality time with your Mrs working on her honey-do list that's really just a death march. Girls, today only...don't call the old man just because something popped into your pretty little head and you need to call right away to tell him. Do this for me and a box of stale chocolates will be on your doorstep when you get home. What's this got to do with the meeting tonight? What the fuck does anything have to do with anything in this life?

He Was Just Stealing Back His Own Shit

Obviously Cyclocross Fans

Photo courtesy of Senior Field Agent Tuffy.

Doom, how about if I come up to Saint Cloud, watch the race, entertain the kids and the dog, sleep on the couch and then leave. I'll bring a bike to ride around the block or maybe just leave it in the car. I'm housetrained which is a plus. I'll even bring you a pair of socks.

Skibby turned me against cross and Sone won't show me how to get off the GD bike and jump over the piece of wood.

People, places, things