Ironman Or French Toast?

It's rainy and kinda shitty today. Well, rainy and shitty since about 10:30 Friday morning. Today's weather is the primary reason I didn't ride the Ironman. I've got too much bad ju ju from the last time I rode the Ironman. Hungover and weighing a biscuit over 300 pounds was not the formula for riding 68 miles out in sticks. No thank you although my thoughts and prayers are with a petite young lady on her Klein mountain bike. Ride on baby. I'll think of you when I douse my french toast with syrup at the Wienery.

Rejoice ... In Thy Youth...

So You've Decided To Steal Cable TV

Good news on the Surly 1 x 1 bike. Tyler (Freewheel) e-mailed me yesterday to let me know he'll be able to get the On-One Mary bars I want so bad. I didn't want to deal directly with On-One and change money and have them shipped a million miles.

Tree planting drags on. Like nails on a fucking chalkboard. Speaking of trees, I wonder if the City of Saint Paul has ground a fellow blogger's stump. No links or names mentioned.

This format is what we call Super Rookie style even though this rambling thought pattern existed in me long before Timmy was born. I don't care if the topics relate or make sense. This isn't the New York Times. It isn't even the Benton County Enterprise.

Rain coming for the weekend? That'll clear the trails.

Hey, I'm not totally clueless. I watched the news last night and found out that George Bush is still president and the entire country is struggling with high gasoline prices.

You're So F-ing Money

Way to go girl. Walking a mile with your Addie cart full of groceries is phenomenal. You could've taken the car. If it dies, leave it in the middle of the street. It'll get towed. But next time don't walk past the eyes and ears of 19th Avenue. I could buy you a piece of shit white Bonneville that I hear is coming on the market.

Opus Lives

Sorry Cat Sixers, can't make it tonight. Ride fast but obey the rules of the road and those of gravity for that much. Tuffy, it's going to be a little chilly tonight so don't forget your arm warmers. I'll miss the posse back on the Greenway. Damn, Sick Boy was going to introduce me to Skibby. You'll have to wait to get a shitty photo of me Steve.

Not Much Of A Rant

An anonymous commenter took a shot at the Parade Bike status of my red Crosscheck. Maybe a little background is needed to put things in perspective. I always wanted one of the red Crosschecks because I love the color. I procrastinated and Surly eliminated the blood red color and replaced that color with the dark forest green. So I built up the black one even though the red one was the one I coveted. Very happy with the way the black one looks. Originally, I just wanted the red one to be a single speed commuter type bike. A set of the Planet Bike Freddy Fenders would be good enough. But Tyler at Freewheel suggested that I needed one bike with real bike geek fenders on it so I bought a pair of honjos for it. I pushed hard for the coaster brake even though it was going to be difficult to make it work. I wanted the coaster brake because I wanted the handlebars to be clean without brake levers, a computer or even a bell. Like the fixie kids ride except I'd be able to coast. The finished bike came out better than I could of ever dreamed of. The day I picked it up I knew that it wan't going to be my every day commuter bike. My buddy Big Daddy has a 55 Ford that he drives occasionally and keeps all shined up. He's not alone in that respect. There's good china and church shoes and all kinds of items that are special. My red Crosscheck is the nicest item I've ever owned in my life. I don't give a damn about my house. It's my wife's house. As long as there's a place to park my bikes and shelter for my dogs, her and I will get along famously. She can paint the walls or change the carpet or do anything she wants. That's what makes her happy and I'm glad about it. I won't ask her to let me display my red Crosscheck on the living room wall. That's a little over the top.

Draggin E

Me, my Salsa and E's trailer from last Monday. Her mommy was with but we don't have a picture of her. Next time.
E looking sporty in her helmet. She doesn't really like to wear her helmet. Can't say that I blame her.

That Was Tough

Mrs called in sick today. She's actually sick. I stayed in bed as long as I could before getting up and packing my bag. Warm cuddly woman on one side of you. Warm cuddly dog on the other side. Me, warm and cuddly in my spider man jammies. Stay in bed or get up and go argue with half-wits. Once again, that was tough.

Weekend was great. Some bike riding. Best Buy replaced the defective camera. Hung out with Ma. And no yard work was done.

Picking spots for planting of new boulevard trees. They have the option of moving the location if they disagree with my spot. I like when they move it 6 inches. Oh well, that's why they call it a job.

I have tried to post this turkey about four times and Blogger has been most uncooperative. It made more sense at 7:15 this morning.

Do I Have To Make Sense?

Jimmy Boy, did you give your mother this plant? She's killed almost everything else. It's never under 90 degrees in her apartment.
I'm not sure if Ma is still celebrating Christmas or what. I may light the Christmas tree again tonight.
Aah, theres Ma. It took me a while to get a smile out of her.
I really think you should be able to pick up chicks with the hula girl bike. Now that's what I call a cruiser.
I can see why the Banjo guys love Smithers so much. Look at the size of my ass.

Banjo 1 To Banjo 2 - Come In Please - Fat Boy Has A Good Picture Of The Bag On His Blog

Trying To Ride Off Massive Quantities

Hiawatha Cyclery ride this morning was fun. We had 9 people I believe. Jim our cruise director took us down to Hidden Falls or Crosby Farm or whatever the hell it is. It's in Saint Paul. That much I'm sure of. We stopped for coffee and danish at the coffee shop on 46th and Minnehaha. Jim had to leave to open his bike shop at 10 so we all pretty much split at that point. Good thing Jim doesn't subscribe to Pat at the Wienery's practice of opening 15 to 45 minutes later than the posted hours. That's cool though. It's one of the things I love about the Wienery.

Riding right now with Debra. She's at Best Buy returning my new digital camera she bought me for my birthday. Not working correctly. I didn't go with because the first kid that said : I DON'T KNOW MISTER - would have been taken hostage.

After Mrs endures Best Buy we'll be riding some more with a stop at CRC for coffee.

Note to God: I'm riding the Parade Bike this afternoon. Don't even think about rain.

What Kind Of Rotten Bastard...

Hi Rose, It's Swagger Friday

Good job Debra. I can see where it might be difficult to get the ink and socks in the picture.

We're doing this turkey in quick time Super Rookie get-in-get-out style. You want elaboration then I'll send you one of my college term papers.

Saw on the way to work that gas is like $2.79 a gallon. Awfully glad my car is f-ed up and parked in the garage with a full tank of gas.

Best way to gross my friend Kris out is to eat the chunk of apple her daughter (The Fabulous E) has dropped on the floor several thousand times and slobbered all over. Remember, dog hair is a condiment.

Rain gods showed mercy yesterday. Off and on rain was off when I rode home.

Bolstad called yesterday. He's counting the days till boot camp is over. I think he wrote me recently, "20 days and a wake up and I'm a gone MF". He got that from Platoon.

Soon it will be time to start pissing and moaning about mowing the lawn.

May try to make the Hiawatha Cyclery ride this weekend. I think KM is out of town but that's OK. It'll be fun. Please let me go with.

THE END

Will One Of You Please Introduce Me To Skibby

I've restructured my thinking about the shit I hump in my bag. That's my ultra-cool Banjo Brothers messenger bag. When I first started riding to work I had all kinds of stuff in it. Extra socks, gloves, a flask and other junk which served no purpose. No more of that shit. I carry the lock when I think I'm going to need it and only the clothes that are needed for work that day. You never mind that I've got two pairs of long-fingered gloves and two pairs of short-fingered in it.

Mrs and I started commuting one year ago on the 18th. My car has not been seen in the lot during working hours once in that time period. I owe it all to Debbie. She decided that she could ride to work and still pimp herself up when she got there. She rode all winter and only missed about 4 days of riding. She fell and got up and got back on her fucking bike. When I used to drive a car to work I always envied the bike commuters I'd see. Now I don't have to.

I love the Greenway and Cedar Lake Trail. Bike superhighways. Go as fast as you like. If you're ahead of me then I need to catch you. You ride all GD winter with no one to take a run at. You gotta love warmer weather. Sure the roadies blow my doors off but then who cares. Hurl, you might tell your boy Bear to get a bigger gear on that beige single. I almost felt bad last night. I said almost.

Picture Of Steve's Lime Green BIke

I bootlegged this one from Steve of Cat 6. I don't think anyone likes too many pictures of themself but I like this one. Bowling shirt, shades and favorite winter hat. Yeah, it was like 70 but really windy.

Spandex-Clad-Clif-Bar-Eating-Traffic-Violating-Hooligans

Rode after work yesterday to Minnetonka to watch my Cat 6 buddies race in the Opus Criterium Series. The boys dominated the evening with top three finishes in every race including the women's race. Not really, but it sounds pretty good. Racing was cancelled by the Minnetonka Police Department because the boys and girls were told not to hog the road because it was still open to cars. They hogged the road and spit on the street and were generally unruly. I'm ashamed to have been at such an event. Glad we didn't have too many of your kind at Stuporbowl. Of course I'm shitting you. These are one-way streets around some kind of office park way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere. If you're driving on these roads it's mandatory that you're on your cell phone and pissed off.

I made it very clear to Tyler that Cat 6 was to lead me to the Greenway from this Godforsaken outpost. This they did in outstanding fashion. We rode fast (21-22) to beat the rain and I stuck with them for quite a while. Somewhere around Lyndale they pulled away from me. I know the way home from there.

The Banjo Boys should have showed up with their cameras for shots of their bags. I must of seen at least 10,000 Banjo Brothers bags.

Special note to the family bike mechanic/farmer/nanny: Yes, the coupling works great. Yes, it doubled the weight of my Salsa. No, I won't burn the Christmas tree in your yard.

I Like The Old Bag Even If She Says I'm Older Than Dirt

Stay out all night riding bikes with hooligans. Sleep an hour and ride the Dragger with Mrs on Sunday morning. No problemo. The real Terminator didn't need to sleep at all. At least I have something to shoot for. Sleep vastly over-rated.

E Hates Her Helmet. Join The Club Baby Doll.

Took E out in her baby trailer (dragger) yesterday afternoon. We took mommy with to deal with any immediate issues and to get used to dragging E. Her mommy pulled her first and then I pulled her with the Salsa. GD, a picture would really of set this post off but I didn't bring the camera with. I think Kris took a picture of E and I at one of the water stops. We did a 15 mile loop down River Road and circled around past the Birchwood, Red-headed-step-child's house and back up River Road. The trailer is easy to pull and can't wait to do it again. E hates her helmet as do most of us and mommy hates the seat on the bike I gave her.

Finding the right saddle can be difficult. Right now I hate that Brooks Professional on the Parade Bike and want to punch every person who tells me I'm going to love it. I think it looks good on the bike and that's about it. I ride both my Salsa and black Crosscheck with the same Terry saddle. It's got the I Still Want A Sex Life slot cut out in the center. This one works well for me. Trying out a saddle at a bike shop doesn't really give a true indication of how you'll like it. You have to ride enough to toughen up your ass.

On the topic of helmets, I hate my helmet. Yes Derrick, even the fabulous Lazer you wore to race last year. I've got winter skull caps, balaclavas, bandanas and enough baseball caps for an army. I would rather wear these items. I argue with people about wearing my helmet all the time. True, if I get hit by a semi it's going to be end game. I wear it so when I hit a hole or sand (ice in the winter) and go down my head has some protection. So E, we're in the same club. We despise our helmets.

Family Easter Portrait

Getting three people and two dogs to face the right direction and smile is no small task.

Everyone's A Fucking Artist (Quote From Family Bike Mechanic)

Saturday Night Ride was fun because it had something for everyone. Riding, beer and Chuck. I like Chuck's new hairdoo. The guy in the red is Burns. He hasn't been out in a while so it was good to see him. He's getting married next week. Best wishes to you, Mark.
So the ride went out to Saint Paul with the first beer stop at the falls. I took this picture while the boys were rehydrating. We then forged onward to the Mendota VFW for a more extended stop if that's possible. Then it was on to Saint Paul with another stop at Harriet Island. No fire this time. I think I'm going to watch the clock closer so the boys will be able to fit in last call at a bar. Deciding that a drink at a bar is needed 15 minutes before bar close just doesn't work. Arrived back home at 4 and was in bed by 4:30. Good ride with a fun group.

Hmm

Now it's almost 3 am and after following one of my referring pages back here, I believe I'll need a cold shower when I get home. I may be wrong but I think Rose is going to have quite a few hits on her blog.

It 2:30 In The Morning - I'm Out On My Bike - Where The Hell Are You?

Couldn't sleep. Woke up at like midnight I guess and tossed and turned for about an hour. Rather than flop around I decided to go sit in my chair. That didn't help. TV sucks at any hour and I'm not really the kind of guy who can watch a movie over and over. So, what the hell. It's not like it's January. It's still 60 out. God, this posting would go better with a pack of smokes. Then I'd feel like Edward R Murrow. I don't plan on riding far. Well maybe. I'm going to return home by 4:30 when Mrs gets up with some type of pastry. There's only one person in the whole world who won't find tonight's behavior odd. She lives in Chicago.

I'd probably have worked harder at getting back to sleep if I had to work on Friday. I hope you don't have to either.

Ibuprofen Works For Those Sore Legs

Not sure what's caused it but I've ridden 181 miles over the last five days. Probably pissed off about the extra weight. Not going to give up everything that tastes good just to lose weight. Dessert after dinner is the toughest. My mother always served dessert when I was a kid so it's just part of my eating habits.

I think there's gonna be a trailer available to pull my little buddy E around in soon. Totally awesome. I'll have to watch it because if I stop at the CRC Coffee Bar Hurl might try to sell her a bike.

If you took your bike out for the first or second time in Minneapolis yesterday then I'm sure that wind kinda grabbed you by the boo boo. Going west was a real chore.

Looks like they've started construction on the Greenway between Hiawatha and the river. It's going to be really cool when that segment and the piece that connects the Cedar Lake Trail to the river are done.

The freewheel on my black Crosscheck is dying. I'm thinking about replacing the 18 tooth one with a 16. Then the two gears will be a 50 x 16 and a 42 x 16. A higher gear ratio for more cruising speed. Yeah mon!!

Rebuttal To Comments

OK. So you think you're funny. You know who you are. In honor of you comedians I'm going to turn the lights on the Christmas tree back on tonight and keep them on until I burn down the fucking house. Oops sorry. It was 1 pm and I hadn't taken my meds yet. All better now.

Are Those Chicks Back There?

Was going to ride a few extra miles after work on the way home. Nothing major. Instead of turning right on the Parkway at 12th Avenue I was going to turn left so I could ride to Lake Harriet. On the way to Lake Harriet I decided to do the Harriet-Calhoun-Greenway loop and then home. When I got to the Greenway I decided to do the Cedar Lake-Downtown-Freewheel stop-River Road route. I caught up to a guy on a road bike right by Hidden Beach and exchanged pleasantries. He didn't seem to mind me riding with him so I just kept up with his pace which was like 22 mph and chatted on the way to downtown. A fast pace and conversation. Right up my alley. We split off by the Target Center and I was off to Freewheel for water. Twins game at the Dome allowed me to dodge cars which is another of my favorites. A quick Freewheel stop and then off again. On the way to River Road I rode past the Birchwood Cafe where a shitload of roadie girls were just about to leave for their ride. I think Sascha and Gilby ride with them on their racing team. Now, I wasn't sure if the girls were going to ride to River Road and head south, but if they were, they were going to have to ride their little bicycles to catch me. They must of gone a different direction or the 3 miles I rode at 22 mph created enough separation. Whatever. I slept like a baby last night. 27 miles after work. 42 for the day.

No, It's Not A Fire Hazard. It Was Just Time.

I use a timer for the lights on my Christmas tree. Lights on at 5 pm and off at 6 am. Lights were on when I got home last night. I unplugged the extension cord from the timer at 6:19 pm CST. It was a little sad. I think I could hear taps playing in the background.
Those feet belong to my boss. A window from the lunchroom just fell out onto the sidewalk yesterday afternoon. Our building is a real shithole. Mice, bugs, mold and new shit brown carpeting.

First morning that I rode to work in shorts (no warmers) and a short-sleeve shirt. Even Mrs pared down to six layers so you know it was warm. It's the kind of morning that just makes you want to call in and keep riding. Right now I'd like to get back on my bike and ride it to Uptown Diner and order the entire breakfast menu and then ride some more. Would probably have a tough time riding after eating that much. Unless I skip the toast.

Biker Chick Demanding Food, Surly Long Haul Trucker and 1000th Playing Of Her Elmo Video

Lunch Time Fun

Rode to Eriks and test drove one of these. Stand down Freewheel employees. I'm not buying it. My knee hurts. I tried many times, unsuccessfully, to skid stop. I want a Frankenbike fixie. Not a ready made one.

Mrs Killed Our Car

My car knows when Mrs is driving it. Usually when it's going to have mechanical difficulties, it will be when she's driving it. The radiator is leaking these days. She had to stop at Holiday and have the clerk put some antifreeze in the radiator on Saturday. At least she made it home so the car is in the garage. I'll get it fixed some day. I'd rather spend the money on parts for my new bike.

Have ridden 2104 miles so far this year (outside, no f-ing rollers) and have gained like 10 pounds since mid-January. Not a mystery where it came from. Time to dial down the sweets and restaurant food. Not the Wienery, though. They can pry my fork at the Wienery from my cold dead fingers or something like that.

Rode 80 miles over the weekend including some Dragger time. Met Stacey (A Flower Called Nowhere) at Hiawatha on Saturday. He's building up a Long Haul Trucker and needed some stuff. I need to make the Hiawatha weekend ride. Jim and KM are great guys and are running a great bike shop. The ride sounds like fun. All the cool kids are going on it.

Are a male? Do you ride with a female on your own bikes? No tandem available. Do you get pissy and ride a half block in front of her like the idjit on 38th Street was doing yesterday? Stop that shit or I'll start the Mother of all Derby Campaigns. I've got the weight to do it.

It Must Be Sunny In Minneapolis

I checked the radar and it's not raining within 1000 miles of here. That's why the Parade Bike with the fancy schmancy fenders has been taken out to play. Those of you who read this drivel somewhat regularly are tired of hearing about the damn thing. Here we go again. Single speed (47 x 17), coaster brake, moustache bars and honjo fenders. Shiny, shiny, shiny. On a day you kids in Lincoln are out playing in the rain I'll probably not ride this one because the rain is too close.

Freewheel stop is still on the agenda. Probably visit Ma later on in the day. Dragger ride in the morning with yet another Wienery stop at 9:30 ish.

Bring Me A Toy Or Don't Come Back

This one vacated the premises last night. Probably the nicest bike I'd ever owned when I bought it. 2200 miles on the computer as of last night plus another 1000 when the original battery in the computer died. I get the fenders and huge mud flaps back. This just might be the last bicycle the guy I gave it to ever owns.
I watched the Princess of South Minneapolis (E) last night while her mommy picked her daddy up at the airport. We had thunderstorms last night so his flight was delayed. Chickenshit pilots were afraid to land in a thunderstorm. Good thing I'm not a pilot right. Back to the story. E was in fabulous spirits which included a really good snot bubble because she was laughing so hard. One of the 40 times mommy called to check on her was from Wal Mart. I told E's mommy to bring me back something. It didn't have to be expensive. But she was told not to come back empty handed. I wasn't expecting much for some reason. So when the bubble blowing toy was presented to me I almost shit myself. Not really, but I was pretty excited.

Have a nice weekend. I'll do my usual Freewheel and Wienery breakfast ride on Saturday. It's becoming tradition. I'm getting the impression that those leaves aren't going to rake themselves.

Incoherent Rambling

I work in a public building that has hundreds of people pass through it each day. I work with guys who come to work when they're sick because you can't waste leave time being sick. Hundreds of people with hundreds of cold and flu germs. I got a cold from a 9 month old girl. Cool.

When I posted some shit about Cat 6 yesterday I didn't know they actually had a pissing match going. Kiss and make up or I'll force all of you to come to work at the City where we take pissing matches to levels unequaled in the history of mankind.

I crappie flopped in the parking lot this morning. Yes, I was showing off. I fell on the side of my fancy Reelight and bent it but was able to bend it back. Given a choice I would rather flop in front of strangers than these f-ing jackals who'll still be reminding me about it when I'm 90.

Green Giant which was the bike that first got me back into cycling 9 years ago will have a new owner this evening. I bought it at Crosstown Cycle which was a lot like Freewheel. Someone may as well be riding it. New owner is very excited to be getting it.

Initial review of my new Banjo Brothers messenger bag is very positive. I need to ride with it a while longer to formulate a lengthier opinion. I'm sure the boys at Banjo are all excited that the bastard son (Smithers is the favorite son) is going to offer some sort of drivel about their bag.

E Knows How Tough Cat Sixers Are

Had dinner with E last night. Her mommy made a steak salad and E had carrots and several gallons of formula. She's a lot of fun to play with especially for me because I don't have enough hair to grab and pull.

If I could get back to a lower carb eating routine I think I could lose some weight. That's tough because I think I crave sweets even more since I quit drinking. We'll have to work on that.

Warmer weather has brought out some new faces in the morning on the old commute. New faces who ride without helmets, blinkies or reflective clothing. I like to make an attempt at being seen in the dark. Most of those new faces won't be seen tomorroow if it's raining.

Hey Cat 6 brothers. Where were you last Saturday morning? Too cold? Not enough sun? According to 50 Grit you're all a bunch of "skirts". Those weren't my words to describe you so don't get your knickers in a bunch. Deal with him if you've got the nerve.

Please Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

My wife won two baskets of cosmetics at the silent auction Saturday night. Neither basket came with a trowel for application. Oh shit!! I just endeared myself to women everywhere. Get over it girls. I love all of you.

Not Much Of A Choice

When my nephews called me for my birthday Sunday they were shocked to find out that I planned to go to work on Monday. Well fellas, in honor of you guys I did call in sick on Monday. I watched E while mommy ran some errands. We watched baseball (her mommy's favorite) and played and had a good 'ol time.
I guess I could've gotten closer but this is the classic E and Harry shot. Harry is very tolerant of his sister, even when she's playing with his tail.
Rotors came yesterday for my new Surly. Patrick at Freewheel says I need disc brakes because of the way I ride. He understands because it's the way he rides too.
Cops were looking for someone in the neighborhood this morning. These two roughnecks would've found him. Two old girls who just love to beat the shit out of each other.

Had a great day off and even fit a Dragger ride in. I don't think I was missed at work.

It Took The Cold And Flu Germs Of Three Little Girls To Take Me Down

I have a touch of some type of head cold that the women (K, E and D) I know pretty well gave me. It's nothing much really. I'll shrug it off like a flesh wound. Raining right now in Minneapolis. The plan this morning was to ride the Dragger to breakfast and drop off a piece of cake for Ma. No fenders on the Dragger so we drove to breakfast (Uptown Diner) and I'm going to hold off on Ma's place. I don't want to give my 82 year-old mother a cold. I think she goes to church today. Hopefully, she'll pray for her son.

Mrs gave me yet another birthday present this morning. I now have a smaller digital camera to keep in my pocket when I'm out on my bike for whatever situations present themselves for a photo I can't live without. Stop giving me gifts, girl. I'll get the impression you like me.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I really love my birthday even though the calendar was one of man's worst inventions.

Special thanks to my little diva from Wisconsin for her drunken comment last night. I went to bed with a huge smile on.

I'd Of Taken Better Care Of Myself If I Had Known I Was Gonna Live This Long

Although my birthday isn't till tomorrow, Debbie picked up the cake today. I've already hit this baby. This thing is the stuff insomniacs dream of. Coconut, whip cream and shitloads of frosting.
Tires for my new 1 x 1. Mrs also bought me a Chris King headset. Thanks doll, nothing says Happy Birthday like expensive bike parts.
My pal Angie gave me a big paper pickle birthday card and mandated that I walk around the fund raiser we attended with it in my pocket. Thanks Angie. I take it you won't have trouble falling asleep tonight. Fund raiser for our co-worker Paul went well. We raised $20,000 to help him out. You won't meet a better guy your whole life. The boys drank 6 kegs of beer and show no signs of slowing down. Can't say I missed it tonight.

I have to take my hat off to the people at Freewheel. I stopped there today as is my Saturday routine and upon leaving found both cranks on my Salsa pointing down. Hard to ride like that. What made it funnier was that I got all the way out in the parking lot and tried to ride off before I noticed. Kevin, you must be pretty proud of yourself. You got me good.