Saturday, May 31, 2008

I said extraterrestrial, not extra testicle

Sorry girls, don't hate me because I'm beautiful

I think Ebert probably sums it up for most of us. For the record, I would take Mrs but she loves me and quite frankly my mu mu is a little snug these days. I'm not going to allow comments on this post. What would you say? Let's face it, on your best day you're not all that witty.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Intervals in the face of death

Now when a woman honks her horn at me (when I'm on my bike, Einstein) I just yell: 'I really like what you've done with your hair'. And if a guy honks then it's: 'Yeah, I know my ass is pretty sweet'.

Following Waataaja's (gee, that doesn't look right) advice I am now commuting faster so I'll improve my times at Black Dog. I did a 75 foot interval and feel faster already.

Made a daring rescue of a Golden Retriever in rush hour traffic last night at Nokomis Parkway and Cedar. Some woman aided in the rescue but couldn't hang on to the other dog which was some kind of white fu fu something-or-other. Hopefully the little shit made it ok.

God on judgement day: Are you the guy who can't say 10 words with at least one fck mixed in?
God: Are you also the guy who made sure all those stray dogs were returned to their owners?
Me: Yes, on both counts
God: Ok, you're're in charge of the lawn

Thursday, May 29, 2008


It just looks like rain

Went over to the new garage yesterday. That's one big building. Pictures later when I take Duane over for his approval.

Looked like all were asleep at MFD Station 7 this morning. Should've hung around until breakfast.

Smithers doing cross is just wonderful. He's already getting pointers from the College of Coaches.

I spent 3 hours edging my lawn last night and feel really good about myself today.

The Clown Bike (Rollo fixie) will soon have a 7-speed internal set-up on it. Mrs didn't like the internal on her Long Haul Trucker so we changed it to a 9 speed which left a hub and wheel available. Enter the Clown Bike. Now, I'll have an extra wheel. Like Mark from the HC said, 'I buy bike frames to get rid of extra parts'.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Who's in charge? Well, I am.

I'll be assuming command of Minneapolis Bike Commuters Inc. It's ok, I'm ready. We've got a lot of new commuters out there which is awesome so let's start thing off with a mixer at Bike Center on the Greenway. I choose Snakecrotch as my first lieutenant because he lives in South Dakota and appoint Rosenberg as Chief Cook and Bottle Washer.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Whatever dude

Flat tire at hospital. Walk. Flip asshole driver the bird. Train. Walk. Call boss. Be there when I get there. Pet Snowy which is always good. Change bikes and ride to work.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Happy Memorial Day

Former Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara used the term 'hauntingly beautiful' to describe Arlington National Cemetary. We're still sending dead bodies home from Iraq but yet we piss and moan about the price of gasoline. Take a moment today to reflect and remember.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

This is my Uncle Steve. He was one of those larger than life type of guys. It would be an understatement to say he had a profound effect on my life.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Hold the wheat germ

Look at the fleur-de-lis and then look at the yolk on my sandwich. Now do it again. Rachel Ray couldn't carry my spatula.

Baloney, egg and cheese on whole wheat with peanut butter?

Snowy and I are cold chillin' and plotting our next meal. After escort service I endured the headbanger music at Hard Times so I could have the big vegan pancake. I like it because it's big and grainy.

It's colder outside than it looks but I still rode 20 miles through the U, downtown with a stop at CRC where the lovely Carl was caffeinating the masses.

Still need to stop at Hiawatha to get my tires I bought at World Cycling put on my Salsa. After all these earth shattering events I'll stop at the hospital to meet Mrs and ride to Freewheel's Bike Center on the Greenway for coffee. This economy ain't rebounding by me mowing my f-ing lawn.

Ok, so Snowy's giving me the hi sign which means it's time for more food.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Mrs calls this one her 'urban wilderness' shot. One of modern man's true talents is pouring concrete.

I doubt that the conversation was about bike racing

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


That would be cool...

if Bill "Big House" Gaines showed up with his entourage at the Dog tonight. I see he put up an 18:34 at Mr Personality's Charity TT on Sunday. Only 46? Puppy!

Can I describe the congestion for you?

You're going to see this flyer a lot so sign up for the race. I'll bring Snowy at least once so you can have your picture taken with her.
Two weeks has gone by already? Do you want to hear about my head cold? I'll be there. The self-torture of bicycle racing escapes me. I haven't chosen an outfit yet.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Get Stupid Part Is What Working For The Government Is All About

Duane's talking politics...please shoot me

Who in Chicago is piss-their-pants-happy that I'm coming?

60 trees left to plant. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Shut up, pay the 80 bucks required to fill your gas tank and go on about your business. You're way to soft to ride a bike to work every day. Now, get out of my sight and don't come back.

All kidding aside...I hope we still don't need the heat on in June.

Monday, May 19, 2008

I bet he has a symbiotic relationship with his tt bike, too

312 forever, bitch

Since Lizzie has a new bike I better make a quick trip home. If Duane ever irons out his f-ing vacation schedule for June I'll be coming either the 5th or 19th. If nobody is around I guess I'll be on my own. But, I'm sure someone will be around. No side trips to Kenosha planned. Did you know that every single person from Wisconsin knows exactly which house in Kenosha was Uncle Earl's? I'll be driving. The TSA can strip search some other poor prick.

Runnin' on empty

We're still planting trees so more negotiating with women. Control what you can because you can't control that $3.69 gasoline.

Can we move the spot over 15 inches? What color does it turn in the fall for those 10 days of fall color? My teenage children don't give a shit about anything I have to say so I'm taking it out on you. I am woman hear me roar...

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Timmer won a race. I'll congratulate him by throwing him in the river.

Arriving at Freewheel's Bike Center. I'm the relief barista. You can have black coffee or black coffee.
An over the shoulder shot of Mrs.

Over the shoulder of mom skating with kid...nothing but net.

Looks like he's got a lotta shit in that bag.

Looks like a floral pattern of some kind, huh? It's a shot of Mrs through a small hole in my apple fritter at Scandia Bake Shop. Talk about your artsy smartsy shit.

You can't see it but there's a Curves next door to Scandia Bake Shop. Almost as good as the Country Buffet next to Weight Watchers in Highland. Girls, we exercise so we can eat pastries.

This ain't no party, this ain't no disco

I have my own I-pod which has Talking Heads, Aretha Franklin, Nora Jones, Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, Brandie Carlisle, Nazareth, Elmore James, Al Green and Nine Inch Nails on it...still need Cat Scratch Fever.

Have had a cold since the morning after Black Dog and haven't ridden my tt bike since.

Dragger day after breakfast. Nothing too far away and nothing too fast. And a coffee stop with the best riding partner in the history of the world.

Treasures from World Cycling's tent sale pictured above. Seeing Jim W was the high point of the sale. Blue tires will go on my Salsa Las Cruces.
Happy Birthday to my nephew Brian and Snowy who are 31 and 12 respectively. And congrats to my niece Lizzie who bought a new she put it 'new from a bike shop, not a garage sale or Craig's List. I'm not a Craig's List guy. I told her when I make my triumphant return to Chicago I'll buy a Magna at a hardware store so I can ride with her. Don't worry Lizzie, I'm not much of a bike racer (pain as a hobby?) but I'm faster than most SAHM's even on a Magna.
Why stay in college? Why go to night school?

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Hoop Dreams

Basketball this afternoon with Skibby and Skibby Jr. That was a blast. Skibby holds his own under the bucket for a scrawny little roadie. Skibby Jr's got game too. On the way home I gave a homeless guy five bucks. It was at Franklin and Cedar. He looked like he needed it. He wasn't dressed in Abercrombie. I sure hope he doesn't spend it on food.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Shoot the rock

Skibby, they're never going to Shut Up And Ride. Never. This is the whiny portion of man's existence on this planet. And it's not going to get any better. Basketball tomorrow?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Hi, my name is Kevin. I'm the head honcho, MF!

I won't be attending. I've heard all of Kevin's stories...some of them twice...about how he pats Hannah on the ass when they pass him and Donimator at Chickwamagon...about the Arrowhead 135 and his unit freezing to his leg...about how he discovered Mark Little at a brothel in Amsterdam. Enough, already. I hear RT Rybak will be there and as much as I'd like to ask him who does his hair (breath) I have housewives in Richfield to argue with over tree planting locations but can't we all just take a minute to stop at Freewheel's new Green way location because they've been awfully good to me and the lovely Mrs and Wu during her messenger days not to be confused with the salad days of the mid 90's when Clinton made sure all our stocks were up. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Can I get an Amen, brother Snakebite?

And so it begins

Your spot sucks

We plant trees faster than any nursery and we have a higher survival rate. I just moved a spot 35 inches for some woman that I'd rather of duct taped to a tree. When did women start wearing the pants in the family? It's rhetorical. I don't care what you think.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I think the little tab on the picture says Dec 55 so Ma would've been like 32 and 3 years away from having me but anyway...Debbie and I took her to see her Parkinson's specialist out in Golden Valley. Dr Nance is cool in the way that she spells everything right out with more common sense than most doctors. She's not a robot and lets you ask all the questions you want. I even told Dr Nance that she was the only one of Ma's doctor's who was worth a shit. Dr Nance laughed but said she's still not good enough of a doctor to get me to take Ma out in 15 below weather. We had cancelled a February appointment on a brutally cold day. Not much Dr Nance can do for Ma anymore. Sometimes when you sit there and the doctor spells it out it really hits home. We're supposed to get the old girl moving more and get some weight on her. I'm glad I have Debbie to talk this stuff over with. Thanks homie for helping me today.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Peace out Freddie

My mentor in the tree inspection business died this weekend and word has filtered to me. The booze finally caught up to him...ulcers, internal bleeding. He was 61 which doesn't seem too old when you're 50. Fred was a fun loving guy who made me laugh and taught me a lot.

Monday, May 12, 2008

This is my scanner...there are others like it

January 18, 2004 and f-ing cold. I'll steal a car and make the trip.

Smells like Monday

Icky poo poo huh kids...back to work sucks.

Hurl, I rode the clown fixie backwards 15 feet in a straight line at a light this morning. I'd call that progress.

Will everyone soon have an suv and a scooter?

I figured out how to use the scanner on my printer yesterday so that's where the pictures came from. I think I was supposed to give that id back and probably my high school baseball uniform too.

I made my semi-annual trip to the grocery store with Mrs yesterday and goodness gracious are prices high. I didn't make a scene in the cereal isle in case you were wondering.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

20 years old and trying to look bad

Bustin' a cap

For Johnny Boy

Happy Mother's Day

I left home for good on Mother's Day 1976. Just the way the calendar and the school year worked out. Can still she Ma waving as I drove away. I had a whole world of new opportunities for me but it represented the end of an era for her. I cried as I drove away. She later told me she cried the whole week before I left. I was moving from her love and care into my brother Jim's apartment and only my brother John understands what that means.

Back in those days long distance phone calls were expensive so you wrote letters, yes letters, and Ma was a legend. She was writing weekly to at least 5 people. Ma taught me that people love to be remembered...on their birthday, Christmas or any old time. It's the most important life lesson she ever gave me. That's why I have the postcard list. That's why you get an e-mail or text message out of the blue from me. I don't need anything important for a reason to e-mail you. It's the most important thing I ever learned from my mother. Happy Mother's Day Ma...I'll always be there for you.

Friday, May 09, 2008

I told the driver to drive safely

Prominent bike racer's brother. Which one? A Hollywood Cycles winter hat (new) to anyone who knows.

The Key

Skib, I could improve my overall fitness just by shooting the rock at the playground. I used to play a full court version where I would fast break downcourt and take a 3 and drive to the hole if I missed with the rebound then turn around and do it again. It's not easy to shoot a basketball when you lungs are all blown up from runnin'. You said it, brother...athletes hit 90 mph fastballs, run 4.3 40's and dunk basketballs.

Flanders Guy Minus His Head

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Might be a problem

So, some plastic surgeon wrote a book for kids to understand Mommy's new high beam headlights. But, what if the forester drops dime (paints an orange ring around mommy's elm) shortly after Mommy comes home with her new ta ta's? What's Daddy to do now? There goes Junior's college education. I saw this on Maher but stole the picture from Smithers. We have different clientele, Love Chunks.