Wednesday, April 30, 2008

No Mr Squirrel, I'm Not Kidding

Mr Squirrel (Snowy Jr) was astonished when I told him/her that some cyclists in town don't stop for stop signs's a Minnesotan's birthright to run red lights from a half a block away in their car and soccer moms have Jesus's ok to have their cell phone up to their ear every moment they're in the f-ing car.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

For bad girl Golden Retriever

It could be more in-depth

David from Cat 6 the regular guy's bike racing team filed this race report. We don't call him the Poet Laureate for nuthin.

Kids and dogs

One of my co-workers brought his yellow lab puppy in this morning. I could have sat on the floor and played all day. The puppy (Macy) is going to spend the weekend at our house in early September. I think her owner has a wedding to go to. Auntie Snowy will love her.

It's gonna go from 40 to 90 overnight and you know it.

Leaving at noon today. Sears coming out to repair the stove. Hopefully they'll be early and then I can get some riding in.

Just wonderin' if my lawnmower will start. My neglected lawn is going to need mowing before my neighbors. Not fair.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Rosenberg's blogs blow right now so I've got a special link for those of you desperately in search of street cred.

Spread the wealth

Two of our bikes are at Hiawatha and one is at Freewheel for repairs. Jay's got some winter hats for me and I need more stickers from Hurl. According to our President we're in a slowdown and not a recession.

Congrats to Frye on a 2nd place finish at Excelsior. Beats the piss out of lawn work.

Safety tip to bike commuters: Not all motorists are using their headlights in the morning. They're saving them. As my step-father used to say, 'they want to send their cars to the junkyard with working headlights'.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Come on 'em who's boss

So, you married folks will soon have 1200 dollars appearing on your doorstep courtesy of your old buddy Georgie. I'm going to sign mine and give it to Mrs. She pays the bills and all I do is spend money on bike shit and jerseys and the occasional stocking cap. I couldn't tell you how much money is in our checking account.

But girls you need to come up with a place to dump this money. Some place the old man will delight in taking you to. I'm hard pressed to come up with two better options:

Ikea: The name just rolls off your lips like butter baby. Disposable furniture at its finest. Do-dads, chachka and plain old crap. Add in a maize like setting and a you can't get there from here mentality and all you need is a welcome to Hell sign. Maybe, just maybe, she'll show mercy on your soul and buy you some Swedish meatballs.

Bed, Bath And Beyond: Get your cattle prod and air tank cuz I ain't f-ing goin'. The kind of place you have those cold sweat nightmares about. Just too many towels, small appliances, bedsheets and chafing dishes in one location. Cackling women and screaming children...God take me now, please.

Mrs loves me. She won't make me go to either venue.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Wide load comin' thru

Jim at HC lent me his rikshaw to take my Crosscheck (broken crank arm) and Mrs' Long Haul Trucker (re-do drivetrain) to HC. It's a blast to ride. Handles like a truck and hauls a bunch more than your Big Dummy. I need one.
Oh I'm chunky.

Reluctant Spring

We stayed up to a whole 11 o'clock last night watching LA Confidential which is my favorite Kevin Spacey movie. If you're out riding your bike which includes racing your bike then bully for you. I ditched the HC Ride for later sleep and gallons of coffee. Snowy goes to see her groomer today and I might/maybe/probably not try to take our bikes in for some repairs. Let's not go overboard.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Bike Snob NYC? Who?

Every once in a while one of the Cat 6 folks will link to some guy in New York who's like Mr Style when it comes to bikes. Today's treatise (love ya Hurl) is about this pocket protector dealie that goes on the wheel. I guess I'm supposed to take it off my new plastic tt bike to be cool. Eff that. I'm going to leave it on forever only to have it taken off so it can be buried with me. Never conform. Rebel to your last breath.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Snowy says McCain puts her to sleep

Mrs has converted me to a Hillary Clinton supporter. She says it would be good to have her as President for shits and giggles. Something about Bill as First Man.

Rain gods spared me but it's raining right now.

No word yesterday from God's crabbiest creation.

Had ass chewings from residents two blocks apart for shit I had no part of. I always appear in person rather than phoning them. They aren't as bold in person.

I think sometimes people don't do bike races because they're afraid of looking bad. That kid with the kickstand at Opus Tuesday night sure wasn't.

Are you liking the All Rosenberg Network?

I hope you liked the postcards. Not that you can stop me from sending them.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Snakecrotch - Slapdickery Personified

The Lion Of Flanders??

I don't follow bike racing so someone will have to explain the lion of flanders to me. I know where Flanders bike shop is in that yuppie neighborhood. I also know that Debbie thinks Hollywood needs a good meal. Roadies have a f-ed up view of how normal human beings are supposed to look. That's why they take every opportunity to remind that I'm overweight.

Chip timing, online registration, blah, blah, blah...Skibby, can't these fuckers just ride their bikes

So many little time

Some day, when I'm awfully low, When the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you...And the way you look tonight.

Go Tiggerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Go!!!

Boy King Dominates Opus 2

Master Cullen (scrawny 12 year old on the right) won everything in sight, gave Painman wardrobe tips and still found time to leave the course and pick me up some coffee. Remember to clean your crap out of mom's car and to fill the gas tank.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Job well done

File photo courtesy of CNN

Congrats to my friend, neighbor and on-call computer geek Sickboy for his 4th place finish at Durand, wherever the hell that is. Andy also has a really nice lawn and a pair of HED Stingers that I may get to use at the Dog occasionally. Don't let that broken crank arm bother you, Andy. I saw 3 Stay-At-Home-Moms pushing their bikes with broken crank arms just yesterday.


The old gal that's our next door neighbor has probably lived there for 30 or 40 years. That's a long time to listen to diesel engines and back-up alarms at 3 in the morning. I inherited Ruby from the garage foreman when he left. When Ruby calls I come runnin'. She wants a tree cut down on a City-owned vacant lot next door. She's worried that it may fall on her house. No problem. I told Ruby we'd be leaving in a month or so when our new shop is done. Her smile turned to a frown. How often does the train go by? So often you won't even notice.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Don't call us, we'll call you

Yeah, the links are gone again. You'll get by without a link to your're already getting by without a sex life, wink wink. Your input via comments has also been terminated. If you're lucky enough to have my e-mail you can contact me through that mode. Blah, blah, blah...nothing new.

Postcard list is just about final. If you haven't received a postcard I either don't have your address or don't like you or both.

Almost forgot, if you want to, you can shitcan the link to my blog off yours. Go ahead and do it. It will give you a feeling of power.

Skibby says that I don't have to come to Opus if it's raining, threatening rain or has rained within 24 hours in a 200 mile radius of the Opus Office Park.

Obviously...a major malfunction

I guess after 15,000 miles or so even pretty good crank arms may fail. This one is an FSA. That stands for Full Speed Ahead for you non-geeks. My man Hans is pretty proud of me right now.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Cash is king

It's Johnny Cash in his famous rebellious pose. A birthday gift from Hiawatha Cyclery. If you break into my house don't steal the bikes...steal Mrs dining room table.

For Love Chunks

Yeah baby! I Want Your Sex is another great one.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Let's get some runs

Win Ben Doom's girdle

Cat 6 doesn't have their new band uniforms yet. Christo must be busy these days.
Louie the golden retriever is ok. Allan is following him around with a baggie to see what he ate to make him ill. Louie and I operated a chain of dry cleaners in the late 70's. We sold and ultimately founded The Hair Club For Men.
The fresh faced kids from Speedfix Racing have added Zubaz as a sponsor. Now Hans and Franz can look GQ at Dairy Queen after track racing. Alright Kruse, where's my schwag?
Yes Lizzie, I spent my own money on postcards and stamps and I don't spend 3 days mulling over what to write.
If you need Jay at Hollywood Cycles to work on your bike, please be patient. He's givin' her all he's got, Captain.
The 6 month old daughter of one of my co-workers recently had a mass removed which turned out to be cancerous. It really puts the chickenshit everyday little problems we complain about into perspective.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I'm impressed too

Duane and I are awfully impressed by the Pope's performance in Washington DC. The Pope only needed 97 pitches to dispatch a local team made up primarily of nuns and altar boys. Line on the Pope was a complete game shutout, 3 hits allowed, 9 strikeouts, 2 walks and 3 hit batsmen although I would have thrown quite a few beanballs at the nuns. The horror stories you've heard of nuns and grade school kids are accurate.

Pope to work on 3 days rest at National's Park today

Duane and I had tickets to the Pope's DC performance but declined to attend when we found out there'd be no beer sold during the mass. Somewhere my nephew Brian is now saying a prayer for me.

Spotlight on Duane

Three Years Of Livin' The Dream

Debbie and I started riding our bikes to work 3 years ago this week. At first I only escorted her part way to the hospital but was doing full escorts within a couple of months. I haven't driven here one time for work in 3 years. That encompasses a lot of different weather conditions. Leaving before 6 am every day is dark and cold for much of the year. Like I told Sone, I made my bones in this town riding a bike in the winter. Day in day out. Bike racing is just for shits and giggles. I have the profoundest respect for the people who ride to QBP every day because they have to go through Bloomington which is an evil place to ride a bike. Hats off to the commuters especially the one I get to ride with every morning.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Heal fast

I just found out that our Cat 6 coffee specialist Steven aka The Poofter has a bad owie from a crash last night at Tuesday Night Worlds. Now I need to find out if this crash was caused by another roadie. Then Snowy and I will enforce Cat 6 justice. Wu was actually a better dog for kickin' ass and we used to cross the street to be on the same side of punk hooligans in the dark but that's the old days. Wu, God bless her sole was the rare golden retriever with a bad attitude. Get well Steven. Fu fu coffee on me.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just like Kissinger

We trimmed some lilac bushes on the boulevard a couple of years ago so the street sweepers wouldn't hit them. I've dealt with the homeowner before and he went off on me the first time I met him. We're cool now. He has cancer pretty much caused by Agent Orange in Vietnam. I treat him really well. This lilac bush issue has been going off and on for two years. He seems to get wild about it on days I'm off and the boys fall apart when they deal with him. Yeah, I am legend. But now the boys have managed to piss him off at me too. He left me an angry voicemail which included - 'Raymond, you fucked me and your GD crew fucked me too'. These guys who work here just have a hard time relating to people. Nixon said that the greatest title that can be bestowed on an individual is that of peacemaker. Then he bombed the shit out of Cambodia.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Tuesday Night Worlds Open On Monday Afternoon

As expected, Red Lantern dominated the 4's and 5's Race, the girls race and the 1/2/3's. Additionally, he ran registration and served a shepherd's pie that would knock the socks off Regester's meat loaf.
Master Cullen wasn't able to race because he was returning from Ivana Trump's wedding. He's an A listed guest and has been seen skiing with the stars...Clooney, Depp and Doom.
I think it was Woody Hayes who said you shouldn't put down your pre-emergent on your lawn until the ground reaches 50 degrees. Or was it Big Jim the chief cook and bottle washer at World Cycling.

Spanky Gibson, United States Marine Corp. Lost a leg above the knee in Iraq and just returned for a second tour of duty. A man's man.
I love Opus because...
Kruse, don't e-mail me about this picture. I don't give a shit.
T3, I'm sorry. May I suggest a suppository.
Skibby kickin' some jerk's ass who tried to extinguish the Olympic flame that Casper was running through the Opus complex. Don't get lost Dan.

Start of the 100 lap Madison

Not the group you can bum a smokey treat off of.
I lost interest in this post long ago. I'm going to go pout because that bitch Ivana didn't invite me to the wedding. Snowy's pissed too and plans to shit on her lawn.

Sunday, April 13, 2008