Friday, June 29, 2007

I've Got Your Sleeves Right Here

Ooh that Mrs is such a funny little shit. Crossing Guard Kruse made sure that I knew that the rules apply to me too. 'No unsupervised children in the infield'? Better bring Skibby Jr with you next time Buddy Boy or Hall Monitor Sickboy will rat you out to Bob.

Getting Cards And Letters From People I Don't Even Know. And Offers Coming Over The Phone.

This ad is in the current issue of Urban Cyclist. So buy Banjo Brothers stuff and read Urban Cyclist and have coffee with Hurl. In other words, spend some of that money.

I Have To Take My Track Pictures Between Babysitting Sessions

I wish they all could be Kenosha girls.
I like Little Dubay because he races like I do...looking around at shit and waving to his girlfriend. Jeez, I hope Mrs didn't see me waving to my girlfriend at Black Dog.
I'd have to say I like it. Might like it even more if it were orange or purple.
Scott from Bare Knuckles Fight Club got really low for some of his camera shots. Regester (in second place) doesn't have to look at his id to check how old he is this morning. After hitting the deck on the far turn he knows he's 50.
I was hallucinating and took a picture of nothing in particular.
Now is the time on Schprockets when Bruce dances.
Mrs and Lynne and the scoreboard from the 1932 World's Fair.

Mrs Track Photos - Hans And Franz Win The Posedown

Franz (Ted) far right made his upgrade last night and then was in a crash. His head took a double donger and was bleeding from the front and back. I'll have Ma sew his skinsuit.

Track racing? Yeah ok, but they only need to watch a couple minutes of it.
Hans (Taylor) asked Franz if he could take a shot of his bleeding melon. You had to be there.
Girl, maybe Smithers will run one of his Radius nights inside Kohl's so you won't miss any shopping.

Sorry Skibby, I'm sure you're out there somewhere.

Lalla, don't get pissed at me because the officials change the schedule.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Black Dog Recap - I Need To Stop At Nieman Marcus For Sleeves

Official times from head official Flava Flav:

Timmer 14:16 (Cullen's got him at 14:14. I bet Cullen's right)
Casper 14:21
Jimmer 15:00
Drew 16:08
Skibbonator 16:17
Allan 17:54
Trench 18:49
Lynne 19:57 (may have been 19:47, didn't have my glasses on)
Louie (Allan's golden retriever) 22:00 (He went off the course after a squirrel)

Jordan 18:14 - All hail the future of Loon State
Me 19:07 - Casper told me to go fast and watch for boats
Kristy 19:12 - Happy belated birthday. She was born 4 months before Mrs and I got married. Damn punk kid.

Black Dog was a load of fun and I even shaved a minute and eight seconds off my best time. The officials at the finish line told me that I needed sleeves on my shirt so I'll have to rethink my wardrobe. Other than that the high points of my race were:

Accidentally shifting the front derailer into the middle chainring - I wish you could've heard the sound that baby made at 20 mph. Kinda like a wristwatch in a blender. Makes you want to lend me your bike, doesn't it.

Road obstruction - Had to navigate around some guy and his boat parked in the road near the Cedar Ave Bridge. Then he got out of the truck and I almost hit him. Right before I went around him I hit some sand in the road and the rear wheel of the bike started to slide. I rode it out and thought about how cool that was.

Benita's reaction to the term Princess Dragger - Don't worry Benita, you're not a princess, you're a roller derby girl. I'm sorry I passed you but I had someplace to be.

Hung around with Hollywood's entourage after the race. Hollywood ordered pizza and we all had a hell of a good time. Since Hollywood made me more aero I'm sure he enjoyed a restful night on the couch falling asleep to Double Live Gonzo by the Motor City Madman.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Dog Day Afternoon

Time for my bi-weekly 7 mile ride on Black Dog Road. I've been keeping an eye on my rivals and have mixed feelings about my chances to beat their times. Jordan cranked it up to 18:47 after his dad added the aero bars. He recently did repeats on some damn hill a gazillion times. We'll stand a better chance with him after he gets a girlfriend. Kristy's last time was a 19:13. She trained last weekend by drinking beer in Milwaukee with Hollywood. I expect her to be fast tonight in spite of the recent brain cell purge. My last time was 20:15 and since my last race Hollywood has modified my bike by cutting the handle bars down to make me more aero and has lower the bars to get me in a more racey position and make my big butt a little more aerodynamic. I think I'll mark some trees today as a warm up for the Dog.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Debbie, Call Me If You Need Anything From The Store

Mrs believes that our old golden retriever Sadie pointed the way to Wu back in 1994 and that Wu will point the way to the next dog. This young man was bred in California by a breeder who specializes in breeding white golden retrievers. You could buy 5 Hed Jet wheels for what this little guy costs but those wheels will never greet you at the door with a wagging tail.

I'll Be Done Talking About Wu When I'm GD Good And Ready

The nice thing about having this waste of internet space is that I can use this space as I see fit. You can read it, not read it, whatever, I have one true fan and I woke up next to her this morning. No, not Snowy, she was on the couch. So, in honor of my biggest fan I'd like to convey a few of my favorite Wu stories to brighten her day:

Yes, I'll have the squirrel - Boy, did my Wu Wu love f-ing road killed squirrels. The one I'm thinking of was a dead squirrel on the Parkway who'd been there all winter and looked like a black rubber chicken when Wu found it. It was spring and I didn't have gloves on so I wasn't about to wrestle this vile black rubber chicken looking thing from her yap. She ate the whole thing and didn't get even a little sick.

Get outta my yard - We pulled up in front of the house and the gal down the block was walking her dog past our house. Wu dove out the window to check this dog out. It kinda scared the gal which was funny too.

Here ducky ducky - During a Wisconsin trip to the cabin Wu dove off the dock to pursue a mother duck and her ducklings. It was cool cuz there were only about 30 people who would've witnessed the carnage. Hell, there couldn't have been more than 15 children in the group. Snowy chose this time to sprint down the dock in the the direction of a yippee little poodle. Wonderful, we'll fight this on two fronts. In the end no poodles or ducks were killed and I didn't have a heart attack.

The puppy beater - When we first brought Wu home she was three years old and quite the energetic girl. When you'd take her for walks she play with other dog owner's puppies. I mean PLAY. She played rough and these dogs loved it. The only really small problem was that Wu kinda made a snarling sound when she was playing. That scared people the first time they heard it. Aah, Wu, the great puppy beater of south Minneapolis.

I love your short shorts - Wu hated joggers. Who doesn't. She especially hated them when she was young and out with her mommy for an early morning walk. The guy I bought her from said she'd be protective and he wasn't shittin'.

Just a dog? Yeah, then why is Ma the only person on her floor who has visitors on a regular basis? You can always find room in the parking lot. If people really were more important than dogs then that parking lot would be full every Sunday and not just Mother's Day.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Monday Already

The raw emotion of Friday has given way to a more general sadness. Reminders of the Wu Wu are everywhere in the house and yard as well as in every golden retriever I see on the street. Snowy seems lonesome and confused. Another companion for Snowy will present herself at the proper time. Our lives seem to be a steady trail of coincidences, or are they coincidences? Thanks for all the supportive comments on the Wu memorial post. Knowing people care about you is important.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

I'll Be Thinkin' About You

We brought Wu home on a pea soup foggy night right before Christmas 1994. She was 3 years old and a beautiful muscular girl with mostly blonde hair. On the way home I noticed she had curled up in a little ball and this put a smile on my face. Finally, I get my good car dog (Snowy is a terrible car dog). Wu had bit one of the kids at her previous home and was re-sold by her breeder. Hey, not all dogs like to be climbed on and have their ears pulled. She loved to swim and walk in any weather. It was never too cold or too rainy for her. For most of her life she was a fabulous watchdog. She was the hunting breed dog afraid of gunshots, fireworks and thunder. Like me, she loved to eat. It was her true calling. We have had the extreme privilege to have her company over the last twelve and a half years. You'd have to say she coaxed every bit from that body in her nearly 16 years on this planet. She was a loving companion right to the end. My words cannot touch the feelings Mrs and I have for her. Her passing has left a void in our lives. Time will heal these wounds to my heart and eventually I will remember only the great times I had with her. In the last years of her life Wu would bark (wu wu) in the middle of the night. She would wu wu until she was fed or helped up on the bed. Yep, she had our number. Last night the silence was deafening. I prefer to think that Wu has returned to her alien planet (dogs are the true aliens) and is currently running free and dining from a banquet of White Castle hamburgers, pancakes and pizza from aches and pains and lumps and bumps. Thank you Wu, from the bottom of my heart.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

To My Homeys Working Dilegently At The Military Industrial Complex

Get That F-ing Branch Off My Desk!

We stayed home and watched a movie instead of going to Saint Paul for the Nature Valley Grand Prix. Nice to get to bed early for a change. Friday is the Minneapolis stage of the race so we'll get downtown for that.

Best way to piss off the forester is to learn where his office is and go see him. Go see him with some kind of branch from your tree and you really get things warmed up. They invented the telephone for a reason, that reason being so women of all ages can yak it up every waking moment of their lives.

Track racing in Blaine tonight. Highlight of the evening for me will be the Cat 1/2 Keirin. The Keirin is the race where scrawny people on bikes with one gear and no brakes are lead by a motorcyle to a speed of 31 mph at which point the motorcycle peels off to jump 31 soccer moms' mini-vans while the scrawny racers fly around for a lap or two to see just who's the fastest. The key to the keirin is to not get behind those Grumpy's/LGR people and have to follow those ass cracks in transparent skin suits. Sorry kids, now that Mrs has verified this fact I have to believe it.

We need more rain. I miss mowing my lawn.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Ma Signed My Permission Slip For A Field Trip To Hollywood Cycles

Jay working the sales floor.
This is Jay's bike but if I really wanted one my mommy would let me get it as long as I promised to do the dishes for 100 years.

Not too early to start planning for Wimbledon.

Secret bell adjustments designed to help make me faster at the Dog. A fun time was had by all at Hollywood Cycles. Next week's field trip will be to the main Post Office.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day

Radius #1 - Regester Finally Gives Up His Prize Winning Meat Loaf Recipe

So Mrs calls me during the races to say she's walking to Kohl's to use the bathroom and she doesn't resurface for like an hour. This is file footage from Macy's but I'm bettin' a similar photo could've been taken at Kohl's. Throw in a free dessert bar and we may not see her until the store closes.

This official reminded Mrs of Jane Hathaway from The Beverly Hillbillies. I guess I can see that.

Little D and his son Ben. A woman bought him that hat. I'll be looking for a pastel camo hat for Ben.
Tuffy seemed to be having trouble with the whole baseball card in the spokes set-up.

Our beloved officials Matt and Bruce adjusting the short cut to the infield door by beating the shit out of it with a hammer.

Skibby checks to see if the refreshment stand is out of Perrier.
Kids make their own fun. Dogs do too but it usually involves the leg on a $300 dining room chair.
'No Tyler, there's nothing wrong with 2 men having identical tattoos'.
Banjo Brothers leaving on a fact finding mission to Vegas.