Do you ride a bike? Why? No, don't tell me why. I don't care. I know why I ride and hope you don't care about my reasons. But since I had a good night's sleep due to modern pharmaceuticals, let's take a stab at this:
1)
My car won't start - Every couple of weeks I stick my hand through the window and see if it will start. Even when it's running, I don't drive it much.
2)
There ain't shit on tv - Once upon a time there was CSI and Law and Order. Now there's five of each of them and a thousand reality shows. Emmit Smith doing the cha cha? Not on my watch, homey.
3)
It gives me an excuse to ignore my lawn - See, I achieved my mileage goal for the year and suddenly last weekend I was raking/mulching/burning/basket weaving leaves. Remember though, I still love you fuckers with the honey-do lists.
4)
There is no #4. Move on to #5
5)
Bikes, bikes, bikes - Once you achieve geek status, one bike just isn't enough. Hell, five or ten isn't enough. All of them are different to ride. How many bikes do I need? The answer is x + 1.
6)
I tried rollerblading and couldn't fucking stop - There was the time, however, when I went down the big hill on West River Parkway near Franklin Avenue and was passing runners, bikers and cars. Came to a stop with a spectacular crash landing in the grass that created a crater that took 10 dumptruck loads of dirt to fill. I was a biscuit under 300 pounds at the time. Force = Mass times Acceleration.
7)
Sparks show - Don't much give a shit that creating sparks by dragging my cleats over the pavement wears out cleats and shoes. Mrs is impressed and as far as men are concerned, this whole life is about impressing chicks.
8)
Hitting 35 mph and over going downhill - Never gone at least 35 mph on a bike? Come to Minneapolis. We'll take the Dragger down the Post Road hill in to Fort Snelling State Park. We should be able to hit 35 on that one. And if we can't, we'll go to that Ramsey hill or Ohio Street in Saint Paul.
9)
Smokey treats, smokey treats, smokey treats!10)
The friendship I formed with my buddies on the Alan Factory Team - Remember, I got under their skin by following too close and then scaring the shit of them. It's better to give than receive.
If any of you geniuses have others, please leave them in the comments section but try not to fuck up the numbering system.
Hey
Snakebite, I think I went over my quota on foul language. There goes my link on
Minus Car again.