Were You Warm? No, But I Looked Good.

It's kinda cold but I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. I took the most judicious route with Mrs to the hospital and also cut down the distance after that. Riding in this manner cuts about 2 miles off the morning commute.

Aw hell, as if you give a shit! This is what I wore this morning and will be critiqued by Mr Blackwell on the Entertainment Network later.

Head: Craft beanie and Smartwool balaclava or baklava or whatever
Upper: Swobo baselayer, Perry Ellis merino wool sweater, Surly merino wool jersey, Foxwear E-vap lite jacket and blubber
Lower: MEC Polartec long underwear, Craft ww briefs (that's wienie warmer) and Hypnotic Designs knickers
Feets: Cars-R-Coffins wool socks, two pairs of Smartwool socks and Answer winter cycling shoes

You can stay warmer with less on? Good for you. The thing about this stuff is I make this shit look good. Sorry, that's from Will Smith in Men In Black.

My fellow Jedi warrior (E) returned from the distant planet of Milwaukee yesterday so I didn't get up at 4:30 am to walk her dog. Speaking of fashion, E was stunning in her black CRC one-piece and blue jeans. Representin' at a young age, aay BismarCk boy? Aw Christ, here comes another terse comment.

"Now I Can Be On All The Way Ray's Bird Page"!!

Thanks for the picture, T. Now go show a movie.

E's Still In Sconsin So I'm Getting Up Earlier Than Usual To Walk Her Dog

This is me with a half-asleep bird at 4:34 am when Mrs turned the light on in the bedroom to roust my fat ass out of bed. Isn't there someting in the Geneva Convention that prohibits this kind of shit.
Here's Harry at 4:52 am. He's very excited to be walked and then fed. This morning I made him eggs benedict and served them on some type of good china.

Oh, I Understand You Completely, Mike

Much thanks to field correspondent, Tuffy. Who's Tuffy? How dare you!

Hi Boy. We'll Take The Same Photo In February, But Only If It's 10 Below.

So what you're saying is, it's Bismarck with a C. Oh, excuse the hell out of me!

Day 2 back at work blows as much as Day 1. Yep, I'm going to piss and moan, whine and bellyache about having to be employed until I quit or I'm dead or any combination of the two. My boss has been off the last two days which has at least made coming back after vacation a little easier.

Stopped off at Ma's after work yesterday to bring her a piece of cake and pick up some money the staff was holding for her. She had claimed some one stole it and it turned out that it was just misplaced in her room. She's very forgetful and just not all that lucid as Bolstad likes to say. And seeing her like this is fucking killing me. Debbie, you know what I mean. You feel like crying when you leave.

Oh, don't get all sentimental on me or I'll derby the piss out of you. I got my Salsa back on the road last week. First with a loaner wheel that was somewhat controversial and then with an authentic Parts Washer-built-Raymond-can't-destroy-Velocity-Dyad. Black rim, black spokes, cop motor, cop shocks...fix the cigarette lighter. He also took the drivetrain apart, cleaned it, installed a new chain and new back brake pads. PW and Josh keep me on the road. Thanks fellas. Don't let that go to your head.

Pull out your woolies Minneapolis. Looks like you're gonna need 'em pretty quick.

Tuffy, Are You Sure This Isn't The Actual Team Kit?

I mean...I like pink and teal as much as the next guy...but...shit! I just envisioned Skibby in one of these. Sorry Skib. It won't happen again.

Still Can't Find An Uncensored Picture Of Mike

E entertains herself with her hat. I can relate. Snakebite knows this.
E's pal Marly (sp?) on the way to Mary Poppins. When the lady at Macy's told Mrs that the wait to see the Mary Poppins dealy was an hour and a half Mrs just replied - 'Bullshit'!
Yeah and it's even more fun when you can look down the track and see the train 100' away.
The breakfast, lunch, dinner, late night snack of champions.
Melo-Glaze, one of the official homes of the Saturday Morning Hiawatha Cyclery Ride.
The pride of Bismark, ND. So, Hurl's from North Dakota and Jay (Hollywood) is from Iowa. No comment.
Snowy representin'. I guess two pairs of free socks make you an official sponsor. Now I have three sponsors - CRC, Banjo Brothers and the Fairview treatment unit.

Come Back Later For A Picture Of Michael Vick Flipping The Bird

Ma shown here on the phone with my bookie. Ma cleaned up on Thanksgiving Day by taking Miami over Detroit.
Here's Mrs before the start of the Hollidazzle Parade. Don't let that smile fool you. She got closer to the curb. There's guys doing 20 to life for lesser offenses than the tactics she used to work her way through the crowd.
I think this is how far Mrs and I have ridden this year...or is it how many miles between oil changes for the car. Cake cracked on the way home. Still tastes good.
Sell all your bikes and your Barbie collection and maybe you can get this purse. It only costs $5400.
This is the purse she ended up with. I talked her into buying it. It's a Coach and it wasn't $5400.
My Hollidazzle pictures of the floats really suck. This one isn't so bad. Of course, it's not of a float and it's hard to walk 40 mph.

Blogging From A Double Secret Location

Actually, back at Melo-Glaze again. Donuts on Day 2 were slightly more acceptable. Not fresh as the chocolate icing flaked off like wax. Opted not to have the hot waterish coffee which reminds me of the stuff my mother-in-law makes. My wife agrees that her mother makes shitty coffee.

E's leaving town today to be driven (against her will I'm sure) to the Godforsaken hamlet of Milwaukee for Thanksgiving. It's ok because her mother never reads this shit and even if she does, then who's going to give up the world's greatest babysitter/dog watcher because of one assholish comment. Which brings us to the fact that I'll be walking E's dog while she's out of town and since our car is currently DOA, I asked E's mom (a nameless, faceless woman) to leave me the keys to one of their three vehicles. I promised not to smoke in her car or let the dog smoke either although he practically chain smokes when their out of town.

True story as Johnny Carson used to say. The gang banger looking kid who just left typed way better than me. Little show-off, chain wallet MF!!

Not crabby yesterday or today for that matter. Just Surly.

From here the presidential motorcade will take a right turn past the... I think I better stop at CRC and salute the flag.

If you're from Milwaukee or anywhere else in Wisconsin... then please just chill the fuck out. I love Wisconsin and my favorite human (E) is like half Cheesehead because of her mother.

Peace out. Happy Thanksgiving. Love you more than my folks.

Gooooood Morning Lincoln, Nebraska

Broadcasting live from the Melo-Glaze Bakery at 28th and Minnehaha Parkway - home of the world's shittiest coffee. To continue this bitchie theme I just had an apple fritter that could double as a frisbie.

I rode 170 miles in three days, went with E to see the Mary Poppins dealy at Macy's and haven't done shit with the leaves on my lawn.

256 miles to ride for 10,000 for this year. Then, and only then do we eat cake like a condemned prisoner. No, no don't be envious of me. Be envious of Debbie cuz she's ridden 4000 miles. Yeah, you were outridden by a 4'11'' woman with a fabulous purse collection.

Enjoy work and go read somebody's blog who's doing something with their life. Besides riding a fucking bike.

Finally, A Warm, Sensitive Rebuttal To My Buddy Snakebite

Looks Like Only A Bag Or Two Will Do The Job

Jello Mucho Better With Aerosol Whip Cream

Mr Klauck, I'll Still Get The Hypnotic Designs Knickers If I Get A Good Deal

'How You Feeling This Morning, Jimmy ?' 'Like A Mean MF, Sir !' - From Apocalypse Now

Last day of work until Monday, November 27th. Yeah, yeah, blow it out your ass about how you have to work so hard while other people get so much time off. I'll get you a towel to wipe the tears.

Plans for next week? Probably try cutting down that 443 miles I have left to reach this year's mileage goal. I really would like to do something with those leaves, especially the ones in the gutters and valleys of the roof.

I should really get off my dead ass and get that car to a place to be fixed. Also need to get a computer desk so I can get that computer I bought in Chicago in August hooked up. Procrastinating everything except riding my bike.

The world of commuters welcome Mrs back after a two day absence because of illness. Yahoo!!!

Will be blogging under an assumed name next week at the Minneapolis Public Library where porn surfing is strictly prohibited. Hmm, where's that library card?

Debra Darling. What The Fuck Is This?

Snakebite Leading One Of His Group Rides

Photo borrowed from One Less Car.

Oh Debbie, Try To Contain Your Excitement!!!!!!!

I Can't Believe It! It's Those Two Assholes In That Shitbox Dodge.

On the way home the other day a roadie passed me on 12th Avenue and then he almost got hit by a car. It took a little bit of the starch out of his underwear. So I caught up to him and we rode some. He said the car incident was close and scary. I asked him if he commutes and the answer was no. I told him that incidents with cars is a way of life when you commute, especially in the dark. Not all of them are close calls, just closer than you'd like them to be. Cars coming up to stop signs that for some reason don't see that blinding blinking headlight on the front of the bike are what I hate most.

Later that same night I came up behind a runner on the River Parkway running with his dogs, neither of them on a leash. He had his headphones on and couldn't hear anything. He did see me when I pulled up right next to him and said sorry. I just said 'cool' and also told him that 'we don't run over kids or dogs - it's bad for business'.

Bolstad my buddy in the Army called this morning. I think he's cracking cause he told me the same two stories he told me Sunday afternoon. He also pointed out that I'm a call screening bastard and even though my outgoing cell phone message is quite cheerful that I'm probably just watching your name come across the screen and laughing my ass off. I guess the kid's got me pegged.

Only have a paltry 515 miles to go to reach my mileage goal for the year. I plan on getting it done by the end of this month so I can basically take it easy in December for some Christmas light riding and to eat some cookies.

Not One Of Mine, Yet

Part 2 Of State Championship Cross Including Skibby And A Dog

Skib, nothing but admiration for you. You worked your ass off.


Note to Mrs. GOLDEN RETREIVER PUPPY WILL BE NEXT. Fancy dining room set and hutch will pay the price. lr

State Championship Cross

Mrs Reaction To My Birthday Wishes

Happy birthday to Debra from me, Maggie and Snowy and the two assholes from the Alan Racing Team.

Partially because our car won't start Mrs has chosen to take the train to the Mall of America for a wild night of shoe shopping and fine dining at the food court. I have promised to pull a shirt out of the laundry and shave for the occasion.

Sitting in my chair this morning I couldn't help but notice the large quantity of leaves in my front yard. This problem was quickly solved by closing the drapes.

Apparently, I have been offered the job of infield whip at the track next summer. I guess my job will be to remind the racers that their race is coming up and they should proceed to the rail. Ooh, I'm piss-my-pants excited about this. But, will I get to wear a blue race official's shirt with a neato keano patch on it? I mean, all I'll need is the patch. I'll buy a shirt. Probably an Armani. Open to suggestions.

State championship cyclocross races at Basset Creek park tomorrow. I'll be riding with the Hiawatha gang including Snakebite and then hopefully riding out to Crystal for the races. Jeez, I hope my new friends from Alan will be there.

A Cast Of Thousands

Yar! Photo pirated this summer from SanDiego81.

No, I'm Sure I Left The Iron On

C'mon Guys - Don't Be Mad - We Can Stop At Birchwood - I'll Buy You An $8 Muffin

Riding home and enjoying the nice weather along the river last night I saw a couple of riders ahead of me. Let's take a look. Roadies almost never ride on the trail so I didn't think it was any of them. So, I caught them and maintained a safe distance behind. Sitting chilly. In the sprinter's lounge, if you will. There we go. Just the three of us. The boys don't have a clue. Oh, before I forget. They had Alan team kits on. I think they had every piece of clothing they were issued on. It was in the 50's. They were dressed for the 20's. Where were we. Oh right, just cruising down the trail. Totally fucking oblivious to their surroundings. So, pretty close to Lake Street I figure I'll wake the boys up. I clear my sinuses. Ooh, that gets their attention. The one riding on the wrong side hits his brakes and skids pretty good which makes me laugh. In a rather terse tone he says - "You think that's pretty funny, huh". I don't answer him. He's pretty pissed and gives me the impression that he'd kinda like to fight. I tell the other clown that I've been back there for 2 miles. He says, - "Drafting". I say, - "Not drafting, on my way home from work". End of conversation. I pass them and put the hammer down expecting a response. No response. I stop at the Birchwood turn-off to pull my pants up (Chrome knickers too big). They come by and I tell them to have fun. No response. I think they were cross racers. Maybe I'll see them Saturday at Basset Creek. I'll bring the muffins.

I Voted For The Transportation Amendment Because Tuffy Told Me Not To

Voted before work this morning. Our polling place is a Catholic church in the neighborhood. There was another Surly there when I arrived so I set up the bookend effect. Judging from the stickers the owner probably works at QBP. I chose to sit at a table to vote with the other people who don't give a shit if you look over to see who they voted for. The waiting line for a booth was too long. Stopped at CRC after voting for coffee and conversation with B-Rose.

Watched E so her moms could attend pottery class last night. E's a freak and loaded with energy. She's also a prodigious climber these days. You gotta watch her close cause she's climbing on every single item she can climb on. She was being bathed when I arrived so everything was all set. Diaper, jammies - all set. I think her mom had just about pulled away from the house when diaper duty beckoned. Now I haven't changed her diaper since the shitty socks episode. I usually have Mrs with who's a lot faster than me. The dirty diaper part is no big deal. What makes the situation difficult is the girl's squirmability. I made it through the diaper changing without having to throw a pair of socks away. I'm claiming victory.