Monday, July 31, 2006

Crotch Pot Cooking

Made it out Saturday night with mademoiselle for a ride. What the hell, the power went off at our place at about 5:45 Saturday afternoon and came on for a minute a couple of times so there wasn't much to do. Don't go there. I know what's going on in that deviate little mind of yours. So, we headed down River Road with the mandatory stop at the Holiday gas station on Franklin for refreshments. After refilling our water bottles with Gatorade (no Accelerade available) we rode across the Washington Ave Bridge to Dinkytown slowing only to chat with some 12 year old on his mountain bike. I told the kid to do some tricks and then called the ones he did 'girly'. He flipped me the bird and when I caught up to him I asked him if he had flipped me the bird. He sheepishly said yes. I reassured the little shit that I wasn't going to throw him off the bridge or anything like that and he rode with us to the end of the bridge. He wore a helmet which I complimented him on and we said 'see ya'. Lights still off at home when we got back and house starting to heat up. Sweaty boy is awakened by fan in room at 1:41 am when power comes back on. Television still on. Major effort required to get up and turn it off.

Sunday Dragger ride for breakfast and the Hopkins loop was a resounding success. Not a whole lot of people out riding. Can't say that I blame them. I just hate sitting inside so I ride my bike instead. Watched Syrianna upon our arrival home which I'll have Bolstad explain to me some day and then rode lime green bike to return movie. Mile roundtrip to video store turned into a 10 mile ride. I figured the clothes I was wearing would be all sweaty anyway so what the hell.

Note to my boy Josh: Get your ass in gear for the upcoming race. I know you haven't done shit yet.

Note to Super Rookie: WELCOME HOME

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Do You Feel Cooler Now?

If you're hot today then just look at the picture to cool off. This is one of my Stuporbowl photos from this year. If I remember right, the full face mask wasn't necessary that day or today for that matter. Hiawatha ride was fun this morning. We went out to Eagan I think. It all looks the same to me in suburbia. One big hill which was just enough for everyone including Jim who was pulling his daughter in their Burley kid dragger.

Errands this afternoon include a dog food stop and laundry changeover at work. Mrs and I might go for a little ride this evening after it cools down to 90. I'm jones-ing to ride my fixie. Saturday Night Ride is a long shot even though I think some newbies might be out this week. New blood always fun on the ride.

So, stay cool. Ride your bike but don't piss and moan about the heat. You'll be looking for those arm warmers and wool socks before you know it.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Either Zip Up That Zipper Or Add A Gold Chain To The Ensemble

I Believed In Skibby And Now I Have A Gift Certificate To A Restaurant On The Canadian Border

I'll get this one autographed for you. And you know who you are.
Race instructions. Bruce has flip up sunglasses because you never know when you'll have to catch a fly ball in the infield.
Posted this one twice by accident further proving this isn't the New York Times. Edit html? Tried that and it came out even more effed up.

A finely conditioned highly motivated athlete just trying to get in a little shut eye.

The DS looking rather studly with his new Peacock Groove track bike.

I've got at least 10 captions I could use for this one. Save up some strength so you can help Little Timmy move this weekend.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Bjorn Selander? He's A Fucking Brat. He's Flunking Social Studies.

Heat stress? You're going to be really sorry for that attempt at humor. If I were you, I'd find a place at the rail as far away from me as you can find tonight cause I'm going to rip you a new asshole.

One of my bike benefactors took his bike I gave him to Erik's in Bloomington yesterday. I accompanied him so he wouldn't be afraid. Back brakes weren't working too good. Brakes over-rated anyway, right? Mechanic on duty knew me from the Hiawatha Cyclery ride and blogging too, I think. Long story short - brakes now work well and little if any money was exchanged.

Hot weather in Minneapolis and the rest of the country I guess. Blah, blah, blah. Once again, I absolutely dream about weather like this when I'm sitting in my chair at 5:20 am in January knowing that I'm going to be riding my bike in 20 minutes and freezing my fat ass off.

Raymond Sr died 40 years ago today. I think about the man I never got a chance to know quite often. Not sorry for myself. I just hope he got everything in that he wanted to, in what now seems like a short time on this planet.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Your Call Is Important To Us

Bullshit!! Your call to my work voicemail doesn't mean shit to me. Nice attitude. Here's a couple of items that may or may not amuse you.

You leave a message with just your name and phone number: Hey dipshit, if it's a tree you want me to look at, then I'm going to need your address. I don't want to play phone tag for three days. These people are rarely called back.

You tell me in your message that you've lived here 50 years: So, you deserve special treatment because you've lived here forever. Not the fucking case. Don't much give a shit that you're 85 years old either. I will however treat you better when I find upon my arrival at your house, a dog.

You tell me you called last week too: Yeah, you and about 300 other people all wanting immediate fucking attention to their problem. Mother always says, 'Rome wasn't built in a day'. Try to remember that.

You called at 5 pm on Saturday afternoon: Don't you have one GD better thing to do on Saturday afternoon than call the City. I mean, it wasn't an emergency you called about. I can even accept lawn mowing as a better alternative to leaving a voicemail on my work phone and it's well documented how much I love mowing the lawn.

There's other little gems but the fucking message light is blinking. Gotta go.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A Message Board For The Cool Kids

The cool kids now have an official message board at I haven't posted anything there yet but it seems pretty popular. My friend hereNT who's quite the computer geek set it up. I look forward to drinking in the wisdom of the Minneapolis bike scene.

The rain gods spared me last night. Within 10 minutes of my arrival home it was coming down like a _____.

A couple times a summer I put in a tree marking offensive. Paint the town orange. Kick ass and take names. Use any ________ terminology you want.

Is National Night Out really next week. Oh goody. It's the one night of the year that neighbors speak to you. You can sit next to someone for an hour on NNO and exchange all sorts of ideas. But the next time you see these people on the street they practically ignore you.

So, check out the Minneapolis Bike Love Forum before you leave. If the link doesn't work then tough shit. I haven't received any kind of schwag in the mail from them so for now they're not an official sponsor.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Saturday Night Ride

The group socializing prior to saddling up.

Aquatennial fireworks. I got separated from the group and they seemed a little worried about it.
Refreshment stop hacky sacking. Who knew Burns was so athletic.

We had a good group and rode some miles at a good clip. Numerous catcalls from intoxicated little girls. I arrived home a little after 3 to excited dogs who know I stays hungry. Rode the Dragger with Mrs Sunday morning and only fell asleep once.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Mrs Is Shopping At JC Penney's So I Posted Track Pictures

Man In Black celebrating his win in the Kierin.

Winger was the halftime show. Who knew he was such a ham.
I'm going to wash Bob's car so that just maybe he'll let me ride the motorcycle.
Racer chick who rides too fast to get a good picture of.

Me and an unidentified Cat 6er discussing strategy or was it baseball?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Howdy Ramona - You Sexy Thing!!!!!!

I have a couple of observations about the Tour Day France too. Just like all my racer buddies who beat the shit out of the topic. First and foremost is that if you go to France to watch the Tour then it seems like you should be able to come home with a shitload of schwag. Schwag is free shit from wherever. You know, free goodies. Those cyclists are throwing water bottles away all over the place. Bike companies, clothing companies and the like must have booths set up.

Tour observation #2: Riding 100 miles or more per day with only two rest days for 23 (I think) days must be a real MF. People get all jacked up to ride a century (100 miles). Don't get me wrong. Riding 100 miles in a day is tough. Now think of doing it 23 days out of 25 which includes climbing mountains. I need a nap just thinking about it.

Observation #3: When those guys are riding 8 or 9 mph it must be one hell of a hill they're going up. Even tougher than Ohio Street.

Finally: Floyd Landis is being a real LTG (legitimate tough guy) by not blaming his hip for yesterday's problems. I don't care what anybody says. It hurts and it hurts fucking bad. Yeah, he bonked which is also part of it. Maybe, if he had a blog some young clean cut marketing intern would have sent him a sample of free Accelerade.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

And A Good Day To You Too Madam

While escorting Mrs to the hospital last week a woman honked the horn over near the Lake Street Cub Foods. When I inquired if the horn was for me she blurted out, "Fuck off, stupid". We caught up to her at the light where both Mrs and I (at my request) gave our new friend an appropriate gesture which she responded to in a similar fashion. Caught up to her again at Franklin Ave and said HI one more time. Nothing rude, mind you. I think I said, 'Well, if it isn't Miss Personality Plus'. Turns out she's a health care professional at the hospital.

Ran into two track racing superstars yesterday riding around in a truck near Birchwood Cafe. Discussing strategy? Scouting out new routes for training? Fucking lost was probably the case.

Big paperwork project at work. Boy oh boy, do I love f-ing paperwork projects. It's the main reason for my parents procreation. I was destined for this.

I love this hotter than a mf weather. I don't arrive at work with two blocks of ice for feet.

Time to take more pictures. Trying to write something blows.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Aimee came from Chicago and Ella came from around the corner and all was right with the world.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Take It Easy Kids

No, Bob hasn't 86'ed me from the infield yet. I was just funnin'. I've got family coming from Chicago tomorrow and I still need to mow the lawn, remove the Christmas tree from the screened porch and hide my porn and that's why my brain is mush. Oh shit, I mean my Star Wars dvd's. I may not be the smartest fella on the planet but I can see that Bob runs the fucking show at the velodrome. If Bob were to run me out of the infield I'd have to ask Skibby to get my press pass renewed.

Underwear drawer or spare messenger bag. Which place is a better hiding spot?

Gilby Wins Kierin, Bob Kicks Me Out Of Infield and Mikey Sports A Rather Fashionable Coiffure

Super Rookie Wins Handicap, Pete S Has A Fan Club Of One And I Keep Checking The Mail For More Free Accelerade