Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Last Of The Opus Pictures - I Promise

Honey, stand down, I was taking the dog's picture.
This kid's mom makes him a really nice lunch/dinner. How could I tell he didn't make it himself? Because my mommy makes my lunch every day. I didn't see any peeled hard boiled eggs.
Skibby's cool. Of course he's on the pole position.
Tuffy, if you see me wearing the outfit the guy on the right has on - please go get your car and run me over.
I just need the race official patch. I already have the Dockers and the short sleeve oxford shirt.
See, the sky in my world is blue after all.

Opus ended last night. Will have to find another activity for Tuesday nights. Lawn mowing? Nah.

Alert The Media!!!!!!!!!

I found my library card!! Yippee!! Not that big of a deal I guess. I can read but choose not to. Have a hard time making it through newspaper and magazine articles. Continued on page 12? Oh shit, you lost me. I have a college degree although it's hard to tell by my writing. Library card was last used to scrape ice off windshield of car two years ago. Put down that book. Go ride your bike.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Now That Mrs Has Been To Opus - Cat 6 Will Dominate Tonight

Kids, Bikers (Harleys) And One Rather Well Done Muffin Top

No, the cops didn't have to be called in.

Go ahead punk - make my day.
Looks like somebody needs to put his fork down.
Guess who got hit in about two seconds.

I have two buddies who live across the street from each other. Party at Big Daddy's on Sunday and the leftovers were still hanging around Potter's garage trying to drink themselves sober from his Saturday party. I spent the day alternating between the two. Fun with kids and water at one. Fun talking to bikers about motorcycles and soccer moms at the other. Got a sneak peek at lime green Sunday. Waiting for hubs. I think I"m going to like this bike a lot.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Whatever You Do - Don't Mow The Fucking Lawn Today

There's a million bicyclists out in Minneapolis today. No shit, I counted. It's going to be in the 80's today. It was 38 degrees on Tuesday morning. We don't have much of a spring. I still expect it to snow one more time. I'm out on the Sasla and having one hell of a time. Party at Potter's house today. I'm going to stop and see him while he's still coherent and then ride back tonight with Mrs. No Dragger. She will be riding her Long Haul Trucker and looking GD good doing it.

Yeah Tuffy, I saw you're little discreet bird you shot me when I was taking the picture of you and the guy adjusting his willy. I don't do the little against my head "finger". When I give you the finger I want it to be loud and clear. As if to say, FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON. Sorry about the horse reference. Mrs and I watched Brokeback Mountain last night. You want my feelings about the movie. Take me for coffee some time and we'll talk. I will tell you that I'm not a homophobe if that means anything.

What does a $150 haircut look like? I know because I have a picture. I was told not to post the picture because someone wasn't happy with HER coiffure. I'm not married to this woman. She's threatened to never speak to me again if I posted this picture. I'll just hang onto it for teasing purposes.

Iliff: Don't wear your helmet when you ride your bike. See if I give a shit.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Coffee And A Smokey Treat - The Breakfast Of Champions

Last day of work for me today. Four days off. Yeah mon. Hurl and I hope to see you bright and early at the Cars-R-Coffins Coffee Bar on 34th and Lyndale tomorrow morning. I'll be waiting outside the door at 7 am like a bad dog that ran away and stayed out all night.

This weekend is the one year anniversary of the drunken period that prompted treatment. Don't get all nervous on me. It helps to write about it. Highlights/lowlights include:

Wednesday before Memorial Day: Turned down several ride offers to ride my bike home from Houlihan's. Went over the bars on the Parkway. Landed in the grass. It took several truckloads of dirt to fill in the depression.

Thursday: Had two beers before work. Backyard Grill with the boys after work. Drunken dialing from 11:30 pm to 12:30 am. The way I used to do it was dial your number and let it ring twice and then hang up. I'd go through the entire phone list on my cell phone. Then I'd put the phone on the coffee table and see who called back. I never answered your call back.

Friday: Hammered all day. Had to take dogs to the vet at 5 pm. Had to try hard to keep from passing out as my vet did his examination. Take nap. Meet friend at a bar to hear band. Get cut off by bouncer really fast. Walk down street to another bar for shots of Jack Daniels.

Saturday: A day completely lost from the memory bank except that I stopped by Big Daddy's with a bottle of Redbreast in the evening.

Sunday: Party at Big Da Da's. Nobody leaves those things alive.

Memorial Day: Ride bike for first time since Wednesday night crash. Just enough drinking to ease pain.

There. That covers it. No comments allowed on this post. Only God Can Judge Me. Have a great weekend. Hurl, see you tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I'm Not Touching Them

What does the forester do? He goes out to your house to look at caterpillars. I told the lady that if one suddenly fell on my head I'd be running for the car to go take a shower. Yep, I'm a real primadonna. She named one of them Gerald but I'll be damned if I can remember which one he is. Sure hope you're not eating right now.

Opus Pictures - Out Of Order And Not In Focus

The taco'd wheel of one of the kids from the U. He's off to the left surveying his bike for damage after his evening took a turn for the worst.
The woodgrain dashboard on Brett's bike.
The man, the myth, the legend right before doing battle. Hey, is that guy on the right adjusting his willy?
Aah, the boys discussing current events.
Sugar power for the ride home on the Greenway.
The boys from the U and the argument for planned parenthood.
Opus fans anxiously awaiting the peleton.
A rather spectacular oak tree.

A fun time was had by all, especially after the torture of their race had concluded. Nice ride on the Greenway home. I hung in as long as I could. These are pretty much the fastest guys I ride a bike with so I'm not embarrassed that they can blow my doors off any time they choose.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

This Will Help Me Locate My Bike

If It's Tuesday, It Must Be Opus Tonight

But before I watch the superstars of Cat 6 I have to live through another hellish day of tree planting. I left a stake on Friday at a house so the woman that lives there could pick her own tree planting spot. How's that for fucking democracy in action. I told her to pick the spot by Monday morning. Monday morning comes and the spot hasn't been picked. Luckily I have her cell phone number so I give her a call. I asked her if she found the stake. Yes is the answer. I tell her she's holding up progress. She said she couldn't decide. I use the brain surgery line. She laughs. We'll take another stab at it today.

Back to Opus. It's sunny right now but I can GD guarantee you it'll look like rain when I'm standing outside Starbucks at 5:20 talking to Tuffy about... Tuffy, of course. I've got the stickers in my bag. Don't forget the arm warmers and the trade-in stickers.

The Summer Of Tuffy? Yeah, I guess I can see that. Son, tonight we talk baseball. Bring your A game or the old man will eat you alive.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Red Headed Step Child Still Thinks I'm Too Fat To Ride Any Of His Bikes

Swap meet was pretty cool. My only purchase was a long sleeve t-shirt from Zito. I think you can also puchase them at Fields and Brooks Brothers. Came in handy on the way home. I was a little chilly and stopped by the Target Center to add a layer. Back in the day I would've hung out all day drinking beer and then wobbled home. Can't say I miss those days.

Watched a show call Baghdad ER on HBO last night. Woof. Our soldiers are sustaining some pretty nasty injuries from homemade bombs. I'm not going to give any political commentary on the war except to say that I hope like hell that our soldiers come home soon.

All the compononents have been selected for my lime green 1 x 1. Everything's pretty heavy duty so it'll take some doing on my part to destroy this one. Being built up as more of commuter bike than a trail bike. I'm sure I'll take it to Wirth occasionally so I can take a slow speed ride over the single-track.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

If It's In The Fridge It's Fair Game

Miss Debra and I are watching E tonight. Mommy and daddy went out to eat or bowling or some shit like that. I'm about to put a hurt on the contents of the fridge. I was told not to surf internet porn. What bullshit.

Swap meet at One on One tomorrow. Sounds like fun. Breakfast sounds good too. I rode 26 miles this morning on the famed Hiawatha Cyclery Ride and then 24 this afternoon. That's 700 miles in 20 days. Anybody got a spare syringe of cortisone.

Well, I'm off to the living room to make G-rated videos of Mrs playing with E. I want to be able to show them to her mommy so I refraining from my standard narration that may or may not include occasional foul language.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Calling All Bianchi Geeks. Isn't The New Color Of Lime Green House Close To Celeste?

Shall I Call You Or Nudge You

I picked up a biker chick at Freewheel last night and spent the night at her place. Here she is getting her shit together for work. I think I saw a 9 mm go in that backpack.
She rode a really cool bike with some kind of fancy fenders.
I escorted her to work.
I searched for signs of Bike To Work Day at the Bryant Avenue exit off the Greenway. Too early I guess.
Coffee boy must of still been in bed. I sure needed coffee and a Pop Tart.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Warm And Fuzzy


Great to read a comment from you on my blog. Miss you and look forward to seeing you again. Be safe.

Love Fancy Ray

It Happened One Night

Happy Birthday To Rasta And Snowy

We didn't sing Happy Birthday but we did have a candle lighting on a birthday cake. Well, a birthday Twinkie.
Snowy devouring her half of the birthday Twinkie. Since it would be difficult to ship a Twinkie to Chicago, I gave Rasta's half to Wu. She ate it in less than three seconds. Have a great day. Love always from your Auntie and me.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Ladies!! Don't Fight. Each Of You Can Take A Turn At Mowing

Cable TV Stealing Biker Chicks At Opus

Bear was very friendly and his owner was awfully cute too. One of the highlights of Opus is dogs. That and the ride back along the Greenway with da boys.
See Debbie, there's a definite Elvis resemblance. Not on you DS.
I can never get away from dead trees. I guess this kind of thing is pretty noticeable for me.
I must of gotten tired of petting the dog and charming his owner so I took a picture. I think that's a Cat 6 jersey coming down the hill.
Right before the start of a race. The tension is enormous. SickBoy, why does Skibby get to line up in front? Is it because he's old and he's not going to stay up front too long.

DS, thanks for that packet of jellified sugar. After you and Tuffy turned off I put the hammer down and caught up with the kids from the U cycling team. They were surprised to see me. I even got an invite to ride with them to some bar in Saint Paul. Had to pass. 4:30 am comes pretty quickly.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

At Least I Wasn't Wearing My CRC Socks

I watched my little buddy E on Friday so her mom could make an early doctor's appointment. Watching her this time would be different because I would have to feed her breakfast and change diapers. What follows are excerpts from an e-mail I sent her mommy yesterday about my Friday experience.

Wake up time: Little doll slept till almost 10:30. I went in there right away before crying. She's used to seeing her mother's pretty face so I didn't want her to be startled. I kept the light off and spoke very softly. I could see a smile in the darkness.

Cocoa Wheats: Made me think fondly of that bowl of wallpaper paste Addie (my mother) used to leave me. I added water, heated it, added water, heated it. Added too much water. She drank it with a straw. She makes the most yucky face after the first spoonful. I have a picture of spoonful #2 on my blog.

Diaper changing: First wake-up diaper weighed 30 pounds from pee pee. First poo poo diaper change showed that I didn't do a good job with the first diaper. Couldn't find wipes. Carrying naked E around and trying to use bathroom mirror to clean booty. Second poo poo diaper placed on bedroom floor. Back to bathroom to use mirror again for booty cleaning. Return to bedroom and step with heal in shitty diaper. Now I need to steady E on the bed so I can take my shitty sock off. Let's just say I learned a lot. Note to you smarmy fuckheads who think you're English teachers: I DIDN'T USE THE MIRROR FOR ACTUAL CLEANING.

Leftovers: Identified egg roll as coming from Chammps immediately. Ate it before my really dry pizza from Pizza Hut arrived. I hate the crowd at Chammps but will take you there for lunch some day so we can arm wrestle for the last egg roll.

So as my mother used to say,' there you have it in a nutshell'. It was fun and quite the learning experience. I threw my shitty socks away.

Monday, May 15, 2006

I'm Thinking Of Leaving My Bike Frame On The Doorstep

Under the heading of irony can be pretty ironic sometimes: The homeowner of this lime green gem called this morning about tree planting. He told me that he's going to repaint because this wasn't exactly the color he had in mind. He called after I posted a picture of his house. He said I can have two gallons of paint for touch-up purposes on my bike frame.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

E Says Her Mother Makes The Best Cocoa Wheats

This face was actually made after the second spoonful. There's a more unhappy face that comes after the first spoonful. By the third or fourth spoonful there's a 'hey, this is pretty good stuff' look on her face. I think half the bowl ended up on her jammies. She didn't seem to mind. I'm sure her launderer cared, though.
Ma subscribes completely to the Cat 6 doctrine. I hear next year's team kits will look a lot like Ma's outfit.

I for one am almost tired of riding a bicycle in the rain. Rain doesn't stop me or Mrs. Soggy shoes and gloves just kinda blows.

Have had a good weekend. Escort service both ways Friday. Hiawatha Cyclery ride and a particularly drenched ride Saturday. Out on the Dragger today to meet hereNT and Benjammin at the world famous Wienery for breakfast this morning and a stop at Ma's this afternoon.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

What'd You Say, Snowy?

Not to stereotype, but the searches for 'How To Steal Cable' and 'Biker Chicks' that lead you here come from the roughly the same geographic region of the country. No, not Lincoln, you crazy fucks.

Splendor In The Grass

I had planned on mowing last night but Debbie forced me to take her out to eat instead. With the 10 miles we rode the Dragger that makes 200 miles in a 5 day period. That could be my all-time high for 5 days.

It's kinda chilly out there this morning. More windy than chilly. If you're riding north in Minneapolis today, then you're not liking it all that much. Lucky for me I only had 4 miles of that shit before turning around at the hospital and heading south.

Mothers Day is Sunday. Maybe I can take Ma out on the Dragger. I said good bye to my mother and left home for good 30 years ago this Sunday. I can still see her waving to me as I drove away. Time flies by fast. Johnny Boy, George, TOB - you guys know what I mean.

Benjammin, set your alarm clock for 11:30 Sunday. I'll plan on being at the Wienery at noon. If you make it, you make it.