Thursday, March 30, 2006

I Didn't Need Dessert

Dinner tonight at Famous Daves was great. I had the catfish and Madam had the chopped pork. I could've gotten by with what I ate but someone who hasn't ridden their bike in a week talked me into the bread pudding. F-ing peer pressure and you thought it just existed with drinking. I'm going home. I'm putting my Spider Man jammies on - yes they have the feet in them - and I'm going to lie on the floor like a beached whale. I couldn't ride a GD bike right now if you put a gun to my head.

Two parties on Saturday. My neighbor across the street is retiring and her sons are having a party for her at the Richfield Legion. Hopefully some of the other neighbors will be there too so I at least have somebody to talk to. Wait, I've got no problem talking to strangers.

The other party is for one of my co-workers who has cancer. It's a fundraiser to help with medical costs and other assorted items. All the boys will be there and this thing has major drunk (for them, not me) written all over it. I'm going to do my damndest to make sure none of these goofy bastards gets behind the wheel after they've been drinking.

Chicago family : I want real birthday cards delivered to my home. None of that e-card bullshit. I don't care if I get the cards 6 months from now. Do you get a paper birthday card from me? GD right you do. I've got all your phone numbers. I'll go to Ma's place at 5 am and start calling you. You can't get mad at her. Am I making myself clear. Aah, fuck it. Don't send nuthin. I'm just shitting you.

There goes all my readers and links over a little foul language. Hopefully, not you George. I couldn't handle that kind of rejection.

I Am Banjo Brothers' Favorite Field Tester

A blurry picture of my new Banjo Brothers bag. Some of the photos came out worse than this. Camera training tonight. Be there. Action pics will be coming after current camera "person" gets fired. Don't worry doll, I'll still sleep with you. Aren't you a lucky devil.

Raining right now. It started as I pulled in the lot here. The Rain Gods spared me this time. When you ride to work every day the weather kind of evens out. Oh wait, if you were out on your little bike at 7:41 am you just got really soaked. Ride faster and it won't seem so bad.

Mrs and I watched Big Love on HBO last night. It's about a polygamist in you guessed it, Utah. So, the guy's got three wives and basically three houses and loads of kids. Sleeps with a different woman each night and from what I've seen of the show is expected to be a prime time player every night. Yes, I'll have a cheeseburger, fries and the Viagra milkshake. Imagine getting turned down by three women for sewing. Three houses, three lawns to mow. Major bullshit!

I found this guy on Jill's (Up In Alaska) page yesterday. You know, everybody loves Jill. Anyway, he's absolutely hilarious and even more full of shit than myself. Don't get shook up by the foul language. I won't tell Mom on you.

My birthday is Sunday. 48 years old. I remember when phone numbers were listed as AL2-4229. But you're getting older and I'm like a vampire.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Thanks For Trimming That Piece Of Shit!!

What a great ride in. Mrs still not feeling so hot so I'm still solo. Old messed up knees felt great this morning. 14 miles in 56 minutes. I don't have a commuter pace. I'm not all that fast but I try to ride pretty fast all the time. I saw a few more bikes out after work yesterday. No fenders with that stripe up the back. Not cool. Need to get to CRC so I can pick up my Banjo Brothers bag that Mike has dropped off for me.

Now that the snow has melted it's evident that some lazy bastard did nothing with his leaves last fall. It should bother me but it doesn't. Debbie, that's a good job for you. Snowy? Wu?

Hey, I can get more trees trimmed in Minneapolis than in Richfield. I called recently because Ella thought the tree on their boulevard was a loser (technical tree term). The City of Minneapolis inspector who not only lacked the charm of the Richfield forester but was also vertically challenged turned down the request for removal. Now, they're trimming every tree on the block including the piece of shit in front of E's house. Me, I'd mark the GD thing and get rid of it and then plant a replacement tree.

There a little deal titled Because You Ride in Bicycling magazine every month. If this thing has 1000 calories in it, then my ride this morning would allow me to have one but no fries. Sorry if you've already posted something about this George. I know donuts are your area of expertise.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

They're Not The Kind Of Guys Who Write Letters - Elwood Blues

I composed a quick letter back to my buddy at boot camp. Don't mind the foul language. This is pretty much how the boy and I talk to each other too:

Dear Fuckerhead,

Thanks for the letter and postcard. You write much better than most Richfield boys. How's the chow? Everything you thought it would be. How about the uniform? I need a picture of you in it. I bet you're sore after 10 years of inactivity. Wish we could play hoops like the days at the Basement. We sure beat the fuck out of each other. It sounds like you're doing OK. Don't shoot your eye out, Ralphie. I'm OK. Still sober. I'm better off this way. You are too, asshole. So, fuck you as usual. I'm proud of you.

Love Ray

PS - This letter will be on my web page right above the contents of your postcard.

Dogs Of The World Unite

Miss Debra still not quite feeling up to bike riding so I'm solo in the morning. I like to ride at least 13 miles so finding a route that long and making it to work by 7 is a little tricky. Who am I kidding? I could give a shit if I showed up at 9. Today I rode down the Parkway to Lake Harriet and almost once around to Penn Avenue. Penn Avenue south to beautiful Richfield for 13.5 miles.

Can't forget to mention a couple of safety issues. These mornings like today are notorious for refreeze on the trails. I felt the front wheel start to squirt on one spot this morning. The other item is about cars. Remember when you looked down the street and could tell when a car was coming all winter because it had its headlights on. Not always true these days. Some type of headlight saving campaign, I guess.

Wendi, if you're still reading this junk then please contact me at to let me know if you'll sell me the kiddy trailer aka Kid Dragger. There are children in south Minneapolis who need to be taken for the ride of their life. Need to be taken to fine establishments such as Freewheel Bike, The Wienery and CRC Coffee to meet interesting characters. Come on honey, I bet it's just taking up room in the garage.

Monday, March 27, 2006

I Just Feel Safer Knowing That Bolstad Is Armed

My buddy who joined the military sent me a postcard. He wrote about how sore he was from all the marching, climbing and other strenuous activities. He said that boot camp isn't all that bad as long as you keep your mouth shut. I can see where that might be a problem for him. Was good to hear from him. I hope he makes it through boot camp soon. He owes me money and there's always bike stuff to buy.

I've Been Drinking Gin Like Never Before...

My tax accountant's car. I told him I'd steal some hub caps for it if he wanted.
The office may look dis-organized but it's not. Kevin is very thorough and I trust him completely. That and he's really funny and has Girl Scout cookies of every flavor. I think we owe like $760 to the feds and will be getting a small refund from the state. Better than last year when we owed $2000 to the feds and $1000 to the state. Boo f-ing hoo, right.

Since 6 am Thursday morning to right now I've ridden my little bicycle 172 miles. Not sure what's gotten into me. Better stop this shit.

A couple of commenter's inquired about my former drinking career. Near the end (3 or 4 months) I was spending 200 bucks a week on alcohol. About 150 of that was spent at bars and the rest for home supplies. Crown Royal was my drink of choice but at the end quantity was much more important than quality. I guess I saw a problem when I would have a half cup of coffee and a half cup of whiskey at 8 am on Saturday and Sunday. I did add a packet of Splenda. Just for flavor. So, I know I can't have one drink. That's not what I want. I want a three week bender that has bartenders in five states smiling from the generous tips. One drink. What good is that?

Friday, March 24, 2006

So If We Figure In The 200 Bucks A Week From Not Drinking And The 25 Bucks A Week From Not Driving To Work...

Good Morning Hurl. Do You Like My New Gloves?

A Warm Welcome To Lincoln, Nebraska On Swagger Friday

Our family biker girl was camera shy this morning. She called in sick again today. A second day of flipping through the channels trying to find something decent to watch. Law and Order is on 24 hours a day on Lifetime, doll pants.
We call it Swagger Friday at work because this is our supervisor's regularly scheduled Friday off. Very mellow around here. We may even stop at Caribou for a $5 cup of coffee. These socks and my machismo will ward off the inferior cold/flu germs of Miss Debra.

OK Lincoln, here's a few items about me just for you guys. I'm 47 years old and rode 15 miles getting to work this morning at an average speed of 15 mph. Yeah, that's right. I'm both old and slow. Currently have five bikes and a Surly 1 x 1 frame (lime green) waiting to be built up. Two dogs, no kids and an 11 year old Toyota Camry. Quit drinking on June 10, 2005 after 30 years of partying.

Although her birthday isn't till Sunday, I'd like to wish a very Happy Birthday to my friend Kris. Have a great day.

So, this should be old news by now but let's give it a shot. Have a great weekend. Support your local bakery, bike shop and favorite bartender. Ride your f-ing bike and stop making excuses. Wish me luck. We get our taxes done tomorrow. There's a reason people like me wait until March 24th to get their taxes done.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Yes, We Have A Question In The Balcony

Spent the last two days at Bethel University at the Shade Tree Short Course. There were some interesting speakers and some pretty forgetable lunches. The hall where the general sessions were held is a pretty fabulous "room". I think the guy on stage in this picture is talking about nitrogen or something. I don't remember. I was too busy taking pictures.
A really shitty quality picture of some guy across the balcony who was enjoying a little nap. He had his jacket pulled up as a blanket. This guy ranks as one of my all-time favorite sleepers at tree school. I took about ten pictures trying to capture the essence of this guy and this is the best I could do.

Met Mike from Banjo Brothers yesterday at the 8th Wonder of The World (CRC Coffee Bar). We had e-mailed each other and I had seen him on tv. He's much taller in person. He's hooking me up with a new bag. What a nice guy.

Mrs called in sick today. I think she's actually sick and not faking it. I wanted to call in sick today after I saw some guy on the news who just retired after working 75 years and never calling in sick once. Thank God there's people like that gentleman who balance the universe for lazy bastards such as myself. Only God can judge me.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Have A Great Day At Work

Some guy got all pissy because he'll get to work 10 seconds later because of me this morning. He raced past me and then had to stop for the light at Chicago and Minnehaha Parkway. Didn't make eye contact with me. Didn't stop me from talking through the window to him.

I took a nap yesterday afternoon and dreamt I was babysitting 20 kids by myself. It was a zoo and I woke up sweating and laughing. I think I'll stick to watching kids one at a time for now. Kids who's mothers have a good stock of Girl Scout cookies on hand.

I hope by now you've taken a little time to stop and see Jim (Hiawatha Cyclery) and Hurl (CRC Coffee Bar) at their new business ventures. You can get all buzzed up on coffee and then ride the 5 miles or so to Hiawatha Cyclery.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

I'm Sharp As A Bowling Ball Today

Only I think pictures of the same snowman from three different angles is interesting. A day later I'm not sure I'm all that interested.

This is Tyler's (Freewheel) neato keano brand new track bike. That isn't Tyler holding the bike. Now you want me to use the head shot, don't you Marcy? For y'all who don't much care about bikes, this bike is raced at a velodrome. No brakes or kickstand. Worth more than my first three cars.

I stopped to buy Girl Scout cookies because it helps their fundraiser and I knew this picture would be available for the asking. I like this picture. It reinforces to me why people have children.

My Wu Wu is lumpy bumpy and feisty as hell. Not as feisty as Ma. Thank God.
Happy Mrs after Duke covered the spread.

This is Baxter. He lives directly across the street from us with like five kids. Snowy and Baxter check each other out through the windows through some of that Jedi mind shit.
Everywhere I look are those GD leaves.
The family bike mechanic fixing a flat right before the Saturday Night Ride.

With the parking ticket I received, breakfast at the Wienery came to $43. I saw the meter maid on Cedar as we drove away. I wished him a pleasant day as I drove past and he acknowledged my greeting. We're talking about 5 minutes here. &%$#ing prick.

An Hour Of Sleep And I'll Be As Good As New

Looks like it's 3ish. I took a lot of pictures Saturday and Blogger isn't being cooperative. By the time I get home I'll have ridden almost 70 miles over Saturday and Sunday morning. Dragger run to the Wienery for breakfast in a couple of hours. I'll get the pictures to post. It's been a long day and I'm dying for at least an hour of sleep before riding with the lovely Debra. If you're up reading this before let's say 6 am then Good Morning.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Don't Make A Sound

Rode escort service this morning for Mrs. No side streets.

Coffee with Hurl at CRC. New dark cherry red Surly Long Haul Trucker color is nice but I still like the blood red Crosscheck color. Take good care of brown Bianchi B.U.S.S. You know who you are.

Watching Ella while her mommy runs some errands. Dog and I enjoying some Girl Scout cookies. No chocolate and don't rat me out Wendi. I know the dog is on a diet. Ella curently sleeping. Bottle ready. Just add water. Was it 4 ounces or 6? GD short attention span.

Cleveland Wok or bust tonight. I'll gain the weight back if I feel like it.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Let's Go Ride Tonight

Rode a couple of miles this morning with the best of intentions to ride some pretty good miles. Side streets suck and main drags not wide enough to deal with the weenies in their cars. Have spent most of the morning playing with my buddy E. Tonight sounds good for a better ride. Maybe they'll plow the Greenway and I can ride towards Highway 100. Of course there's always the option of the buffet at Cleveland Wok and then hunkering down to watch college basketball. If I choose the riding plan then keep the coffee pot on. Your liquor cabinet is safe these days.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Get A Job By Sundown Or We're Shipping You Off To Military School...

Today's biker girl was somewhat reluctant at 5:45 am to have her picture taken. Maybe her pissiness had something to do with what bike she was going to ride today. Madam returned to the commuter ranks this morning. She rode her studded tire bike and then was escorted to work on a route that didn't require studs. I stayed off the side streets myself because in Minneapolis, they're f-ing evil.

Riding a mountain bike on sloppy streets with no fenders is bullshit. I don't need to get splattered with shit on the front and back to prove how tough I am. I'd have fenders on it if I wasn't such a GD procrastinator.

Off tomorrow and Friday. No, you don't wish you had this job because you'd kill yourself after only a week of dealing with these whiners. No, I'm not crabby. I didn't get drunk and give myself a haircut.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Alright Already!!

Ok, biker girl searchers. This is just for you. Best I could do on short notice.

Did It Hurt?

If you rode a bike in the last 24 hours in the Twin Cities area and fell down, please report all the juicy details in the comments area. I haven't fallen yet in spite of numerous close calls. I rode the Rockhopper again today. Riding clipless in this weather is interesting. At least I've got the pedals set so they unclip very easily.

Mrs has been driven to work for the last two days. Better get back out there girl or I'm going to take the lead in the crappie flop contest. After the three falls last Monday she currently has a 5 to 3 lead.

Is it just me or does 15 degrees seem really cold after 50 last Saturday? I had to pull my ww's back out.

Any of y'all a school teacher who didn't have to go to work yesterday? Bag, Tuffy, aren't you teachers? Grade papers yesterday? E-Bay shopping? Watch the food channel all day?

I'm glad we didn't write tickets for illegally parked cars yesterday. I might of hit somebody.

Sorry if you came here expecting to find pictures of big-boobed motorcycle chicks. Try some of the other sites that the search brought up. Just be patient. It'll happen for you.

Monday, March 13, 2006

You Know You Make Me Wanta Shout

Drove Mrs to the hospital and then rode my Rockhopper to work. My boss is somewhere out on 494 in traffic. I'll remind him when he gets here that he's late. Driving a car wasn't fun but riding a bike was a blast. I feel like faking some kind of illness and leaving work to go out and play in the snow. God would this have been a fun day for Stuporbowl.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I Hate To Eat On An Empty Stomach

Met hereNT at Triple Rock for breakfast yesterday. Had to eat my Wienery breakfast fast so I wouldn't be late meeting hereNT. One breakfast is good, but two breakfasts a half hour apart are better. We took the south of the trails out to Hopkins against a pretty stiff headwind. The ride back with the tailwind was mucho better.

Snow tonight. Not really happy about that. I'm sure I'll ride my bike to work tomorrow. I haven't driven the car to work since early April last year. I really like that.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Who Hid The Remote?

Decided to ride the Salsa at the last minute right before we walked out the door. Didn't have a better photo from the 800 or so pictures I've taken since last September. It's always fun to ride. Light, fast, responsive. Too many gears to choose from.

Riding with hereNT tomorrow. He wants to see how fast he's going with his spinney gear and he currently doesn't have a computer hooked up. Breakfast at Triple Rock and then more than likely the Hopkins loop. Nice straight-aways to get your mojo working. Hopefully it won't be raining too hard.

Have a great weekend. Ride your bike even if it's raining. Have a donut instead of a Clif bar. Has Ma called you because she seems to have gone AWOL.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Picture Of Biker Girls


Apparently, I 'don't mind riding in the rain as long as there's a tailwind'. You really know how to hurt a guy.

Let's Keep The Girl Scout Cookie Theme Going

Not sure (paint chip childhood) why I thought of this while riding to work today but anyway. Mrs and I dated in the late 70's when the man paid for everything on a date. Restaurant, movie, motel room. Has that changed? Just wondering. I'll have to ask some of the younger fellas I work with.

In a somewhat related note, Debra and I attended 7 weddings in 2003. So all of the happy couples will be married 3 years in 2006. None of them are divorced yet and I haven't had a tie on since 2003. Debra also mentioned something about a certain activity... and how it related to us when we were newlyweds at age 22. See girl, I got that in diplomatically.

Pictured at the top of today's post is the rotor I want to use for the disc brakes on my Surly 1 x 1. That's a bike frame for you pervs who put 'pictures of biker girls' in the search.

Can't forget to mention we trimmed a tree last week so a guy could get better reception from his satellite dish. And you wonder why they won't let me carry a gun.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

99 Boxes Of Girl Scout Cookies...

Had a great ride home yesterday in the rain. You know you loved it so don't bitch. I had the wind at my back most of the way home which may account for some of my giddy mood. It also helps when home is the last stop during a rain ride. Riding and meeting someone at a restaurant is a different story.

Miss Debra got back on her bike and rode to work this morning. Yeah, baby, yeah. She said her shoulder area was sore from her crappie flopping on Monday so I hauled her lock to the kiss-off point in my bag. What a f-ing gentleman. Remember doll, we wear our falls like a badge of honor. Try not to go over the bars. As Tommy Boy says, 'that's gonna leave a mark'.

Had to clean out my City vehicle so a couple of the boys could drive it to a school. Talk about a rolling trash can. Actually, I didn't clean it out. I just emptied all the shit into a large box which is now sitting next to my desk.

Latest whim is to build up my new 1 x 1 as a single speed (not fixed gear) with disc brakes and wheels that can handle riding off a cliff. I want a gear big enough to be effective for commuting yet ok for the times I take it on single track trails. Your opinions on anything but trees are always welcome.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Oh Shit!!

I bet some of you in Minneapolis found out how slippery it was yesterday morning. Mrs found out on the Greenway just about where it ends at Hiawatha. Luckily she had her new $8 helmet purchased from the Brain Injury people at Bike Expo. Her new helmet that I was too lazy to take a photo of has maximum head coverage. It has minimal style points and would be perfect for those limited to the confines of a padded cell. One fall would've been bad enough but she had more than one. I usually get up laughing after a winter fall. A second one isn't usually as funny. She's kinda sore today so she drove the car to work. Her bike came out of the falls in pretty good shape. Josh the family bike mechanic straightened out her fancy fenders and all was good except for a couple of bruises.

Speaking of winter falls. It seems that many people fall either in their driveway or shortly after leaving their driveway. Still asleep? Hungover? Too much MSG? Hard to tell. I better commission a research project on the issue.

Having the new stat thingy has been interesting to delve in to. I bet the guy who put "pictures of biker girls" in the search wasn't looking for my blog but he had to look anyway. Yeah, like passing a car accident. Search MSN with the word "lunatic" and the number one web site belongs to yours truly. You just can't imagine how happy that makes me.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Who's In Charge Here?

Dear United States Army,

I sincerely hope that you are seeing that Private Bolstad's personal needs are being met. He likes to watch television so please schedule no marching during his favorite shows. He's fond of pizza so let's not overdue it on the shit on a shingle. Finally, after he finishes boot camp could you deduct $500 from the bonus you're giving him and mail it to me.


Lunatic Biker, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Bike Expo - Schwag Free

A young man in the test drive area. According to Sov (Surly) it wasn't completely free of crashes.
Debra enjoying the pee pee out of the festivities.
Family bike shop was well represented.
Freewheel boys were just giddy about the major award Aaron won for fixing a flat the fastest.
Antique bike display.

Nice track bike.

I had a Schwinn bike like one of these once. Wish I still had it.
Talk about a Parade Bike.
This thing looked really cool.
I didn't take anything out on the obstacle course because I was sure I would've crashed.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I'll Carry It Over Any Puddles

I took the Parade Bike out today for the first time in almost four months. It's like riding it for the first time again. It feels very light and the 47 x 17 (it only has one speed for you non geeks) is a great all-around gear. Coaster brake is awesome. I ride it differently so there are no 17 to 0 stops required.

We rode the Dragger (tandem) yesterday for the first time in a couple of months. It needed some drivetrain attention so we rode to Freewheel. PW hooked us up with a new chain and cassette and also fixed a couple of broken spokes. Stopped at Triple Rock on the way home to meet the Freewheel boys and also ran into the Watson boys who were warming up for Gopher hockey. Hadn't seen Larry since New Year's so we met him after his hockey game at Famous Dave's. The band was Chubby Carrier who played zydeco. What's not to like about a band with accordion and washboard players.

After I get home Debbie and I are riding the Dragger over to the Convention Center for the Bicycling Travel and Fitness Expo. Later. Ride your good bike today.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Can't Get You Out Of My Head

Who's Daily Grind Are You Part Of?

You know what I mean. Same people in the same spots on the way to work in the morning. I walk Snowy at 5:30. Down to the golf course and back. When we cross 42nd Street on the way back we see a woman who lives on the corner waiting for the bus. When you look down 42nd Street you see her bus coming. I had to make a remark to her about that this morning. She knew what I meant. That's why I take somewhat different routes to work. Just to see some new people waiting for the bus. I always say Good Morning to them and to other cyclists on the road. I say Good Morning to you even though we didn't go to high school together or live next door to each other for 25 years.

Added a better stat counter to my blog. I now know where my readers come from and what sites (Thanks Tuffy) referred them. Who the hell lives in York, PA? I figure readers from Europe just took a wrong turn because they never come back. Maybe you took a wrong turn today.

Off tomorrow. Debra is too. Lime green 1 x 1 frame is spending the day on the couch with two rotten spoiled dogs.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Are You A Hipster?

One of the family bike mechanics (red-headed stepchild) really hates this bike. Really hates the color combination. I bought it for the color combination. I don't like the color any more. Giving this bike away to one of the guys at work that I'm in the process of convincing that running isn't doing his ankles and knees much good. I should convert it to a single with a really big gear before I give it to him.

Picked out the components for my black Crosscheck with Tyler one year ago today. Picked the bike up on March 4th and have ridden it 4600 miles. I really love that bike the best. It's the perfect commuter bike.

According to Josh (adopted son and Freewheel baby jogger mechanic) it takes three things to be a hipster:
1) Ride a fixed gear bike with no brake
2) Ride with a messenger bag
3) Ride without a helmet
Having a blog is just icing on the cake. I only satisfy one out of three but I ride with a guy who better not take that helmet off and then there's coffee boy who's saved by that brake.