At Least January's Out Of The Way

Not really sick of winter yet. Hasn't been much of a winter to this point. Just wanted to post a couple of pics for y'all who need a little reminder that warm weather isn't that far off. The longer days are what I really like. Now I have more daylight on my afternoon commute. Rode home with my sunglasses on last night. Still had my blinkies on. Geez, I wish she hadn't fed me those paint chips as a child.

Trying to extend my afternoon rides to cut into that winter blubber that has materialized. When I lost the 100 pounds a couple of years ago I did it with a low carb diet and shitloads of biking. Never followed the meat only part of the whole Atkins thing. Don't see where a diet of beef and bacon could be all that good for you. I just need to cut out the sweets and eating out. No more stops at those City Hall candy dishes. Them girls really love their sweets.

Waiting to hear from Bolstad about the whole Army thing. I cleared his debt with Hennepin County which was the last stumbling block to enlisting. I think the military is going to be good for him because of the structure they'll provide for him. He must of thought he was out of options. Can't wait to see a picture of him in uniform. I'll frame that one.

I Sure Miss Mowing My Lawn

Way To Go Jim

I don't read much of the paper because of my adult ADD but I read this article this morning. I'll summarize the article in case you're too lazy to click on the link or if you've got a dial-up connection. Star Tribune columnist Laurie Blake did an article about winter bike commuting. She featured a guy who rides to William Mitchell College of Law in Saint Paul every day. He has a two mile commute. I'm going to try and not be sarcastic. Don't get me wrong. I applaud the guy's effort. Winter commuting is tough at times whether it's two or twenty miles. It's just that I hear she did an exhaustive search to find her subject. The guy has a white collar job so I guess that beat interviewing some peasant who really needs to ride a bike because he or she can't afford a car. I just think she could've found someone with a longer ride every day. Not me! Somebody interesting such as this person (the blogger, not the messenger). Personally, I could ride two miles through a hurricane. No, that's not being cocky because I know lots of people like that.

I'm too f-ing fat and now I'm pissed off about it. Restaurant food, donuts, 50 lb bags of M & M's and not enough riding. Good thing that tanker truck of whiskey is no longer parked out in front of the house. I refuse to give up the Wienery under any circumstances so I better start riding more miles on the weekends.

Elmo's In The Crapper

We stopped at Toys-R-Us yesterday hoping to find a fake moustache for the Stache Bash. No luck. Since we were there we looked around for a while. There's a dancing Elmo. Ella has one of those and it scares the shit out of her. There's a lazy city worker Elmo who drinks coffee and leans on a shovel all day and then there's my favorite. Potty Elmo. That Elmo comes with a sound track that includes a toilet flushing. Not much I can say about that except Debbie and I played with the thing for about 15 minutes. There were so many neat toys to play with. We must of been in there an hour. No fake moustaches though. I did find a little license plate that reads I Am Loved on it. Not sure which bike I should mount it on.

Moustache Ride was fun. I didn't participate in the obstacle course extravaganza. But we must of rode about 10 miles before the awards ceremony at Town Hall. I took the long way home and was in bed by 2 am. For the billionth time. Much, much, much easier to be out riding at that hour sober instead of after 50 drinks.

Somebody in the family is going to get a new bike. Somebody short and cute. I have to call the guy in California about the fenders. He and I have a language barrier. It's English. That's cool. My Japanese is really shitty.

I See You Brought Your Swagger With You

It's a damn pair of socks, for God's sake. If you're riding a bike of any kind then I think you're cool. That is, unless you're riding a brown Magna fixie conversion. Way balmy this morning with a decent wind from the south. Who rides south in the morning? Me and the Q people.
According to the dealy on the Bicycling Magazine web site my jaunt to work burned 833 calories. That's why I ate three donuts. It would take 17 hours of sexual activity ("of a vigorous nature") to burn that many calories based on the CalorieLab calculator. And you thought "that" was exercise.
The reason they've dialed up the cuteness is that I'm sitting in my chair eating.

Riding with the nut jobs from Cat 6 tomorrow night on their annual Moustache Ride. Not sure what I'm going to wear yet. Have a nice weekend. Support your local bakery. Call your mother. Ride the shit out of your bike. Burn off some calories using an activity that will put a smile on your face.

Prunes!! Oh Goody, My Favorite!!

See, mommy gets the food all over her face too. Actually, I had just taken another stab at feeding my good friend Ella. No, I didn't get any of it in her eye as her mommy had asked. It's not as easy as it looks and you smart asses who had children can just zip it. Her head's moving all around. Her arms are moving. Do I have too much on the spoon? Then her mommy comes in every so often just to give me shit about how bad I'm doing. Tremendous pressure. You people just don't understand. I'm not sure you ever will.

One of you eggheads (and I say that most lovingly) needs to calculate the force a 6'2", 215 lb (maybe more - I had a donut yesterday) man traveling 17 mph will unleash on the paper boy at 6:15 am when the dumb shit crosses the street without looking.

Runners on the Minneapolis side of the River Parkway beware. If a maniac on a really small black bike yells, 'Get out of my way', then heed her advice and move to the right, not the left. Violators will be shot by this crazy little shit on sight.

I'd Like To Address Your Comments

Yesterday's posting of pictures yielded comments. I like comments. I'm not really a sarcastic prick. It looks from the pictures that we have quite a few bikes in the basement. There's currently 7 bikes in the basement but the Green Giant is promised to someone so that will bring the total down to 6. Then Debbie will get her Long Haul Trucker and I'll get my Surly 1 x 1 and then we'll have 8 in the basement. It looks like we should organize the bikes better but Mrs insists upon having furniture in the living room. David commented about the lack of red fenders on the Parade Bike. Tyler (Freewheel) and I went for a shiny motif but if you're ever interested in selling that red Schwinn with the matching fenders I'll always be interested. We only have two dogs. I'd have more but my mommy won't let me. We have a lot of stuff. It looks like more because our house is so small. All the bikes and crap we buy are primarily because of two small items. A small mortgage payment and no kids. There. I answered everyone's comments from yesterday in a format I like.

As you can see by the picture above I rode the Salsa to work this morning. Orange bike good.

Why are poker tournaments on sports channels. Skill involved? Yes. Athletic event? No.

I fed Ella some of her baby food (applesauce) yesterday. Way cool. You have to be fast with that spoon. Glad she had a bib on. She also has some new toys. Also way cool.

Woke up at 3 today and couldn't get back to sleep. So I rolled around till 4 and went out for donuts and gas station cappuccino. May as well turn insomnia into something useful. Sleep when you're dead.

Hostile Takeover By Picture Blog

Stupor Bowl Weather

After all those warm mornings 8 degrees seemed brisk this morning. I froze my ass off yesterday on the Sunday morning Wienery, Washington Avenue video shopping ride. I was dressed for style and not warmth. Yesterday's wind was the kicker. Wore merino wool layer and heavy wind-proof layer with a balaclava this morning. Was determined to not have cold feet so I wore two pairs of wool socks, toe warmers between sock layers and toe covers. Toasty warm feet. How wonderful.

Mrs is very happy to have dry streets in Minneapolis. It allows her to ride her Crosscheck instead of the studded tire bike. She says she gets the next new bike. Can't argue with her. She likes the utility blue Surly Long Haul Trucker frame. Says she also wants a set of shiny Honjo fenders for it. Says she'll ride in inclement weather with her shiny fenders. I guess one "sunny day" bike in the family is plenty.

Missed photo opp of the weekend. The guy at the pond hockey tournament on Lake Calhoun walking to his game with his stick and skates over his shoulder with a smokey treat (cigarette) in his mouth.

Peace With Honor

I hear there's turmoil in the Mommy Group from little Ella's mother. Let's just call it a difference of opinion and personalities but not an outright power struggle. Why do I care? Oh, I care. Why write about it? Because from Day One this turkey is written to amuse me. Since the girls are having difficulties getting along I have come up with a method to get the group back on the same page. There is a nice girl (from the group) who occasionally reads this crap so maybe she can present my plan to the other ladies.

I think the girls or any group at odds would benefit from a night out on the town with myself and my good friend Big Daddy. This event is never taking place so money is no object making a grande time possible.

Here we go:

7 am - plane flight to Chicago. You can have fun in Minneapolis. You can really have fun in Chicago. No luggage required.

9 am - by this time we've arrived in Chicago and found enough limousines to get downtown. In honor of Big Daddy our first stop is the Billy Goat Tavern on lower Michigan Avenue. Don't try to keep up with Big Da Da girls because you'll be hammered in no time.

10 am - after just enough cocktails (none for me, Big Da Da will make up for my non-imbibing) we embark on a Michigan Avenue shopping trip. It's a classy shopping district so each lady will be given $1000. Aah hell. Let's make it $2000.

Noon - the shopping, plane flight and cocktails have made the girls hungry. Lunch at one of my favorite spots - Dick's Last Resort on Illinois.

2 pm - at this point the group members need to make a choice. They can either continue shopping or accompany Big Daddy and I to the Field Museum and Museum of Science and Industry.

6 pm - I like to eat early. I'm not much for 8 pm dinner reservations so we dine at the Berghoff Restaurant. Food's great, nice atmosphere, fabulous staff.

8 pm - Once again time to make a choice. Attend a musical at one of the fine venues we have in Chicago or go to the blues bar with the big man and myself. Either way you can't go wrong.

Midnight - flight back to Minneapolis. You girls need to be home to get a little sleep. Your little angels will be getting up early and expect a good morning kiss from momma.

Wow. Big man and I should run charter tours with this itinerary. I know Chicago and he's just so charming. Nixon said, 'the greatest title that can be bestowed on anyone is that of peacemaker'. I think he started bombing Cambodia right after he said that line.

Since this trip would be prohibitively expensive, we may have to stay in Minneapolis, shop at Wal Mart, eat at Perkins and go bowling.

Shit, I don't know. I think the girls should take a stab at working things out. For me, nothing in this life means a GD thing except for the people I've met. Not bikes or money or anything else. Don't forget about my dogs, though.

After reading this, are you confused? God, I hope so.

My wife has this picture in our bedroom on her desk. It's one of my favorite pictures of her taken on her birthday at Palmer's fire pit. We were on the Dragger that day. The guy in the background was a real classic. Nice ZZ Top beard too. That was the guy who asked me if I was CIA. I was dressed in black. Told him I was Secret Service. He bought it. I love the Palmer's fire pit. Not like hanging around the fireplace at Caribou Coffee. Not many conversations about stock options or time shares. Not sure why you like that picture so much Debra. Does it make you feel a little like a rebel? Nine hours later you were dressed to the nines for your birthday dinner at Axels. I think you're ready for a return trip to Palmers. You can be FBI this time.

Aaaaaaaarmy Training Sir

Bolstad (lying-bastard-alcoholic-buddy living in Missouri) called yesterday to ask a favor. As I was reaching for my checkbook he informed me that he wasn't borrowing money. He needed the phone number of the Minnesota Department of Education. Since he was a really lazy bastard in high school he ended up dropping out and later getting a GED. He needed a copy of his GED transcript. I asked if it was for a job. He hesitated and then told me he was thinking of joining the Army. I asked if they were on a kick to recruit 32 year-old lifelong fuck-ups. If you need a visual of Bolstad in the military just think of Bill Murray in Stripes. I don't know. Are we that hard up for military personnel? Don't get me wrong. I love the kid. Somebody has to. Now I'm going to dream about him showing up at my house in a tank.

Bring That Guy With The Cookies Into The Cockpit

Just purchased my airline ticket for my annual winter trip to Chicago. I could've flown home through Detroit, Cleveland, Buffalo, Detroit, Dallas and then on to Minneapolis but I didn't want to eat my weight in airline pretzels. I've got 7000 frequent flyer miles. Is that a lot? Can I turn that many in for a roundtrip flight somewhere? Vegas? San Diego? How about a flight with an emergency landing in a cornfield. First plane flight where breakfast won't be a double vodka on the rocks. I'll have some of the Girl scout cookies to pass across the rows to other passengers. Can't wait to go. Dunkin Donuts, pizza, Maxwell Street, Aimee and my brother's bike. Note to self: Bring enough warm clothes because you always freeze your ass off on Maxwell Street and have to take shit from your big brother about living in Minnesota and complaining about being cold. Hey, that was a run-on sentence that would make my college English teacher cringe.

Buy Girl Scout Cookies Or Deal With Tony Soprano

It's Girl Scout cookie time. I buy 'em so don't even go there. I do it because one of the guys at work has a daughter that is a Girl Scout. Don't like the cookies all that much. Love sweets. Giving up alcohol was easy. Giving up donuts, cake and other items like that would be very tough. So if you get up some morning and there's a box of thin mints on your doorstep, you'll know who put them there.

Stayed with Ella so mommy could run to the grocery store. She was happy for the most part but was crying when mommy returned. Crying intensely when mommy returned. Ran through all of my material and tried a bottle. Didn't work. I really hate when mommy comes home to a crying little girl. Mommy is always understanding but I still feel bad about it. Maybe that single tooth that's coming in bothers her occasionally. Teeth coming in means that pizza eating can't be far behind. Probably further away than I think it is.

Sov from Evil Cycling got hit by a car yesterday. The guy came too close prompting Sov to give the guy the finger. Then the guy stopped for an exchange of pleasantries. After Sov took off the guy intentionally hit him. Sounds like Sov is ok except for a bruised butt and a messed up back wheel. Probably doesn't pay in the long run to give motorists the finger. But with adrenaline and all that it's hard not to sometimes.

I Told Harry To Take Denver Minus The Points

Snowy eating Harry's food during my weekend dog watching assignment. My dogs are pigs and would eat until they're ready to explode.
Harry hadn't been eating until Snowy illustrated her piggyness. I'm happy to say that Harry resumed dining after his family returned home.
Ella's Christmas tree in her room. I hope her mommy allows her to keep it there year-round. I have a small Christmas tree in my room at home. It's there year-round. Notice in the lower left of the picture a copy of This Little Piggy. It's the story of an aging biker who thinks he can eat like a condemned prisoner just because he rides a bike a couple of miles.

Three day weekend was cool. New back rim for black Crosscheck Saturday. Ride to Wienery for breakfast Sunday. Rode with hereNT and Josh (Freewheel) Sunday night. Get chased by little blankety-blanks early Monday morning (1:30 am) and hit by snowball (in the arm) from moving car. Played with Ella and her new Christmas toys Monday. Such is the life of the 47 year old adolescent.

Could You Pick Me Up Some Toast At The Wienery?

Just got back from riding and I'm now entertaining Ella's dog Harry. Harry hadn't been eating since his brother Chester passed on. Then I brought Snowy over and she cleaned out his food dish. I re-filled it and Harry found his appetite. Funny how that works. Snowy is now in the living room trying to piss Harry off. She's really good at that. I'd take Harry over to our house but Wu would show him her ugly side pretty quickly.

Stopped at Freewheel and left with a new back rim on my black Crosscheck. Too many 17 to 0 stops? I've ridden that bike like 4000 miles since I got it last March so stuff is bound to wear out.

Must be fairly nice outside today. Warm temps and dry roads. So that's why there's a few roadies out to play. Most of them aren't wearing helmets. Whatever, it's their head.

I think I'm riding with hereNT tomorrow afternoon. Not sure what direction we'll go. Don't care what direction we'll go either.

Mrs Says Black Goes With Everything

Just got my new long sleeve merino wool Swobo jersey delivered by the UPS man yesterday. I also had ordered more Swobo stickers so if you're out riding your bike and see a Swobo sticker on a lamp post - I put it there. I may even have a Find The Swobo stickers contest for you winter bikers complete with a prize. Don't scoff. I'm not cheap so the prize may be decent. Both my Surly and Swobo jerseys have a tag saying that they're made in Fiji. Same factory, different tags?

Mrs called in sick today (flu?) so no escort service this morning. I took a roundabout journey to work which amounted to 12 miles. Colder and windier this morning but very tolerable considering it's January.

Dog watching/fridge raiding/porn surfing this weekend. Just kidding about the fridge raiding KK. Harry the dog is sad. Can't blame him. He just lost his brother Chester. I'll walk Harry and Snowy together. They're very similar in temperament. Only difference is one's black and one's white. Maybe some Fiestaware skeet shooting will cheer Harry up.

So have a great weekend. Eat a donut. I limited myself to three this morning. Ride your bike. Jank, it always warms my heart to read about you riding your bike. And keep your eye out for Swobo stickers. There could be a prize in it for you.

Konnichiwa (Spelling?)

Have been adding some new links. Check them out. All better writers than me. In the future when I'm lazy I'll just leave a post that instructs you to go to the links section for good writing about interesting stuff. Not my dog post yesterday. That one came from the heart.

Is it illegal in Minneapolis to scrape the car's windows on a morning like today? Is it illegal to go around the block instead of turning around in the middle of the block with that back up, pull up maneuver that takes five minutes. It must also be illegal to exceed 20 mph when merging onto the interstate highway system.

I'll be riding in my first Stupor Bowl in less than a month. I'm as excited as a little kid on Christmas morning. I'm forming a posse. I'll try to ride fast. I'll pay for breakfast that day. Since I'll be sober I may even escort drunks home. I'll still laugh at your drunk ass when you fall off your bike. But you'll be guaranteed to make it to your house.

On the topic of Stupor Bowl, let's face it, this isn't the kind of weather we want for any out-of-town guests. Shit, anybody can ride this weather. I think a nice 15 degree day with snow flurries and a 30 mph wind would be perfect.

A big yee-ha goes out to my brothers John and Jim for helping convince Mother that a trip to Kansas City isn't a good idea. Thanks boys. She still likes me best. But, that's not new information.

The Circle Of Life

Debbie and I watched Ella last night. It wasn't for a pleasant reason. Kris and Joe had to take their black lab Chester to the vet for the visit all pet owners dread. He was 15 and had a good life with a lot of love. I took the picture above around Halloween. Kris wrote a nice tribute on her blog last night. I'll miss him. I know Kris and Joe will too.

Sitting there took Debbie and I back 11 years to the day we had to take our sweetie Sadie to the vet for the last time. How completely awful that morning was. I remembered how long it took to get over the feeling that I hadn't done enough for her. We both cried for days. That day will come again. But it's the last time you're able to show your pet how much you love them.

So Chester my man, enjoy eternal life in heaven. Hook up with Sadie, Dutchess and Misty. They'll take good care of you.

Your Mother Just Hung Up On Me

My brother Jim is having eye surgery on Thursday. Not the lasic kind that millions of people have these days. I think what he has is macular degeneration. My brother Jim doesn't read this crap even though I've given him the web address three times. I should call him. Maybe tonight. Ma wants me to drive her to Kansas City so she can support her son. I told her I can't. I told her that her son doesn't need his 82 year old mother hanging around. Besides, I committed weeks ago to a dog sitting/refridgerator raiding at our friend Kristine's house for the upcoming weekend. I've also got some bad winter travel stories concerning the Minneapolis to Kansas City trip. It may be balmy here now but if I make that trip I guarantee the weather will turn really shitty. Back to Ma. She called at 5:15 this morning and tried to convince Debbie to convince me to make the trip. I heard Debbie tell Ma that it wasn't a good idea. Moments later Ma hung up on her. Still feisty at 82.

Hey family members. How about helping little brother out. Somebody give Mother a call. Tell her a phone call and a card on her behalf will work wonders.

Thanks. I'll Be Here All Week.

Mrs dug out my old safety jacket yesterday so I'll be a little more visible in the dark. No, it's not a Pearl Izumi, Sugoi or Craft. While I can be seen readily in the dark it doesn't help when it's icy and your tire hits the seam of a concrete street and then slides out from under you. At the City we call that "crappie flopping". I'm glad Debra was there to enjoy the show. Smart-ass punk with her studded tires.

Was warm enough Saturday for the roadies to come out to play. I rode for a while with some Dutch guy. He was on his cross bike and was complaining about the lack of warmth his spandex provided. I didn't ask if he was wearing his WW's. That's a little personal. Rode with the fabulous Debra yesterday to the Wienery for breakfast. We both had hamburgers so I guess it wasn't breakfast. It was a little colder so no roadies were seen. She rode her Crosscheck and I rode my Rockhopper. The Dragger is badly in need of maintenance. Salt does a number on drivetrains.

Note to Freewheel Staff: Back to work. Clean bathroom. Straighten sock display. Order Craft skull cap in something other than L/XL.

Hi, This Is Ray. I've Got Malaria.

Life is simple. Talk Mrs into calling in sick. Call in sick after she does. Go to bakery for early morning snack. Make mid-morning French toast. Burn (is that what you call it?) cd at Electric Fetus which includes music from a wide variety of artists. Go to movie (Munich - Spielberg). Movie good. Not exactly cheerful. Early dinner and home by 6:30. Sounds boring? Yeah, well how was your day at work?

Best part of story. Off tomorrow too. Don't try this at home. I'm a paid professional.

You Learn Something New Every Day

While paging through a couple of my old issues of Bicycling Magazine I came across some interesting information. This bicycling is actually EXERCISE. And I thought it was all about having cool bikes, clothes and going fast. Better cancel the subscription to Bicycling Magazine. It's putting the wrong ideas in my head.

On the topic of magazines, my wife Debra gets like almost every women's' fashion magazine and some of those ones like Woman's Day. I'm partially responsible for the glut of magazines she receives. She'll try to cancel one because she wants to replace the subscription with a different magazine but I tell her just to subscribe to the new one additionally and not in lieu of. I get three magazines. Bicycling, Flash (tattoo mag) and Dime which is a basketball magazine. I didn't pay the subscription to Dime for two years but they kept sending it. They finally got their money because Mrs took over bill paying about 6 or 8 months ago.

Wow! As of this week I've been writing this crap for a whole year. I like writing it and I was able to add links and pictures. By my blog posts my family in Chicago can check to see if I'm still alive. The counter tells me that I have a loyal readership of about 80 people a day. Thanks for stopping by. Through the comments I even have blogger buddies. Even people in other states. I'll try not to bore you with mileage totals this year. I just keep track of the miles because if I didn't I'd never ride at all. The whole goal thing keeps me going. That and going fast. Well, fast for me.

Am I Making Sense?

I keep forgetting to post the change I made to my black Crosscheck. When I stopped at Freewheel on Saturday to spend my gift certificate I asked Patrick to look at the back brakes. It turned out that the cable was just about shot. Since the freewheel was shot too I asked him to replace that and the brake cable. He also asked if I ever used the 34 tooth front chainring. Actually not too often except that hereNT has a talent at finding ugly hills. So we decided to replace the 34 with a 42. We kept the 18 on the back. I really like having a lower gear that isn't too low. Hell, I'd hadn't used the 34 in over a month. So, now there's a 50 and 42 on the front and an 18 on the back. Didn't convert to fixed. Sorry J. I'll buy breakfast some day and we'll forage the basement at One on One for a frame to build up as a fixie.

I explained the whole gear change process to Debra and then to my friend Kris. I'll explain it to Mother and then to my sister-in-law Carol and niece Lizzie when I get back to Chicago. Then I'll have five women I know who couldn't give a shit about a gearing explanation. I haven't tried the explanation on Ella or Aimee yet. I'm sure they'll be impressed.

Some Late Christmas Items

This is the best item I gave Debra for Christmas. It's a short-sleeve merino wool Swobo jersey. I guess I bought it because I loved the color.
My Craft rain jacket that I should've been wearing yesterday morning when I misjudged the rain. Also pictured are my Craft boxer briefs with the "WW" front.
My buddy Larry's Christmas tree. The only thing significant about Larry's tree is that it was decorated on January 2nd. Better late than never.

I also received a Smartwool balaclava, War of the Worlds dvd, Craft base layer shirt and two Krispy Kreme coffee mugs from Mrs. Ironically, we gave each other the same base layer shirt. My little pal Ella gave me a $100 gift certificate from Freewheel although I think Ella borrowed the money from her mother. Watch the vig on that loan E. I used E's gift certificate to buy a hat, socks, Craft short-sleeve base layer and another pair of boxer briefs with the "WW" front. Mrs got a back blinkie out of the deal.

I've been asked how far I'm going to ride this year. Will try to ride more than 8000. Let's get to 100 first and go from there.

Why Didn't You Wear Your New Jacket?

Escorted Mrs to work this morning and then toured north Minneapolis. It was raining pretty hard but wasn't too slippery. I have a new rain jacket that I got for Christmas. It would've worked really well if it hadn't been at home in my closet. I rode till I was soaked and then went home for coffee and really loud music. You really can't play the music at window rattling volume when your wife is home. I bet the dogs wish their mommy had been home.

At my buddy Larry's house debating if I should call in sick tomorrow. I'll probably go. Aaaw shit. On a positive note I only have to work three days this week because I'm off on Friday.