Thursday, July 31, 2008

I smell an Oscar

All of a sudden I can't get any of my You Tube gems to post. Let's take a different approach. Click here.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I told you I was phoning it in

Roadie banter while waiting in line...what bullshit.
I thought the Tuff Guy Ride was last night.
I like my man's style except for the sippy cup.
I wish that dog had taken a hunk outta Greg's ass.
I rode a 19:48 which was ok since I was hot and hadn't been fed for a couple hours. In the photo here I'm texting away like a teenage girl.

Black Dog Wednesday

Registration starts at 5:15 pm. Fifteen bucks to race as long as you have a license. Ten bucks for a one day license. First racer goes off at 6:30. I'm riding orange tonight because I'm phoning this one in...not like the other times when I phone it in. I'm serious this time.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The why guys

It's beneath me to ask you to justify any part of your existence to me. I don't even use the word why at work. You can use the word with your children but shitcan it when they're adults.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Tuffy's on the road to freedom

I went to work today which always blows. I rode my plastic time trial bike and even hit 26 mph by Rob the 3 speed blogger's house where they have one of those signs that shows your speed.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Badder than Omar

So my mother-in-law in Chicago either sprained her ankle or broke it playing soccer or some shit and Mrs has been consulted because she's the ward secretary on a kid's treatment wing. My mother-in-law still has the pins in her leg/knee that were supposed to be removed after a break 20 years ago. She's tougher than any roadie, city worker or ultimate fighter.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Stick that chest out, boy

No ride in the rain for me...for once.

There are more closed door meetings at this place than you can shake a stick at.

I don't care what the critics say, I'm going to see the new X-Files movie.

The balaclava is dead as a fashion accessory.

We have one boss that moved with us to the new place who must stay up nights thinking on ways to be a prick.

Tonight we'll cover the all-important start in our series on cross racing.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

It's called a run-up but it's much more fun than that

Just wanting those who want to try cross to be exposed to some of what makes up the race. The hill at Powderhorn was pretty tough. I stopped the last time at the top for a bit of a breather. You can't count on much in this life but you can count on some asshole at the top of a run-up telling you - "You can do it". Yeah, I can do it but I don't have to enjoy it.

Just for Sven

If I wanted to clean up my f-ing videos then I'd go to film school and stop arguing with widows and orphans about their dying GD elm tree.

Love Ray

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Don't be scared of the barriers

This was my 3rd dismount ever. Learning to get off the bike and get over the barrier is easy. It's not a big deal and you'll need to be in good shape to at least finish mid-pack. The winner of the C race probably won't move up in class and win almost every week. This instructional video is for my one reader (Chad) who is new to cross racing. Most of you seasoned racers are good with the barriers so stuff a sock in it.

Who's the man?

Pretty much pinned down in the office under enemy paperwork. My boss and I each have a part in this project and we've delayed things as long as possible. At this point all e-mails to will be answered. In other news I have won the Cyclocross Racer Of The Year for '08 in the city-worker-over-50-over-six-feet-tall-mentally-imbalanced category.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It's clear to me

Besides being beautiful babies...Olive, Kiah and Snowy have something else in common. They're tougher than the drug-store-yuppy-Harley-riders out there. Don't worry girls. I got your back.

Monday, July 21, 2008

So you've decided to try cross racing.

Have you figured out what category you'll belong in? Have you decided what you're going to wear? I think I have more NFL jerseys than races I'll appear in. I won't be going to Duluth or Morehead but you sure can. Worried that your not going to do well. I see you driving a car and you don't do that well but that doesn't stop you.

Why talk about cross in July? Because this is my f-ing blog and I can post anything I want. Go on, get out of here. Go ride your bike or eat something.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

You guys ain't worth a shit when I really need you

So, if I buy those yellow cross tires at Freewheel that have been on the shelf since Carter was President...I'll need special wheels to glue (glue? Boy, how high tech) them on. And, and...maximum tire pressure is like 60 psi which is damn near flat to me. That's right bitch, cross season is coming and I'm getting ready.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

My senior field agent currently on assignment in Argentina sent me this photo of a stray dog near some type of eternal flame. I'll be down soon with dog food.

Glad I'm not middle management

I see the MCF brass are trying to streamline the cross categories for the Rider of the year stuff. I wouldn't take any criticism from these mopes to heart. People are just bitchers these days. Phil Gramm is on the money that we're a nation of whiners.

You pay 15 or 20 bucks in most cases, pin on a number and ride your bike and they call it a race. I bike race because it's fun, especially cyclocross. I try to thank all the volunteers who are the life blood along with the officials and other promoter types when I race.

Red Lantern, I'm doing great. I have a wonderful wife who loves the shit out of me. I have 2 beautiful dogs, 8 bikes which I'm healthy enough to ride and ribs for dinner. Don't get much better than that.

bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon

I think the whole Farmer's Market concept misses me. It does prove to me that Americans are piss-their-pants in love with their cars. Why else would you drive 20 miles in from the suburbs to save a quarter on grapes.It's not like they're driving in for BACON OR SAUSAGE. Who said BACON?

Friday, July 18, 2008

How 'bout I have The Cone put a cap in your ass

Hey, she wears the cone when we're gone because she won't leave that amputated tail stub alone.

Escort and can man ride went splendidly. What's a can man ride? It's just riding a bike with no particular destination...down alleys, sidewalks, bike trails and anything else you can ride on. You roadies need one desperately. I can give you pointers about how to dress.

North Minneapolis without the projects is just bullshit.

Riding a bike to work involves 3 things:
1) Getting there and home alive
2) Humpin' your shit, troop
3) Finding a level of funk (hygiene, GD, do I have to explain everything) you and your co-workers can live with.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Tree hit by lightning. Fire Department saves the day.

Bolstad's back from Iraq

He called from Fort Stewart in Georgia last night. When I asked him what time it was he said '2 hours before you have to get back up and 7 hours after you went to bed. It was 11.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Favre to play for Notre Dame

Mrs signed up for Simon Delivers and received her first grocery order. Last night we received an e-mail saying they were ceasing operations. That shit's funny.

May show up at the Dog tonight to schmooz and get medical advice from Big Green. Ankle area still hurts. Cross is right around the corner and you just can't miss that.

We had a meeting this morning. Most important topic was coffee. GD skippy!

Sometimes when Kiah gets disciplined she'll bark at you.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Her other car is a broom

I marked a backyard elm which our contractor will remove for a mere $4700. The homeowner was a younger woman and objected to the whole process. I told her to get some other price quotes. By the time I got back to the office the whole place had listened to a voicemail from this girl's MOTHER. Girls, if you're going to be an ass, don't be an ass on voicemail because everyone and by everyone I mean every swingin' dick will hear it. I called MOTHER back and she was the most condescending bitch imaginable.


limpin' around like Omar. I looked up Big Green's information and tried some ice last night which helped some.

Monday, July 14, 2008

McCain said it's inappropriate when what he meant to say was that shit's funny

It doesn't hurt here or here...

There's something askew in my right leg between the knee and ankle and hurts the most when I'm taking a step and my foot is in the air. Yes, I've tried to kinda shuffle it which is even worse. Maybe Kiah's vet can have a look at it. It's the leg with the girly tattoos so I'm hoping they don't have to cut it off. It only hurts marginally when I ride my bike. Yeah, you're tougher than I am but still not as tough as Ma or my mother-in-law.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

For The Johnny Boy

This is my step-father Gene. He actually developed his goofball personality as he got older. He's been dead like 7 years now I think. He had an unbelievably gifted mechanical mind.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

6:00 am - Get up for coffee and read paper

7:00 am - Mrs walks down to Collosal Cafe for breakfast carry out.

7:40 - 8:30 am - Watch Tour De France

8:30 - 10:30 am - Back to bed for nap...sorry, no good nightgown.

Beat that!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Twitter this, bitch

Power was off at the Grand Palace when I arrived this morning. Stand-by generator runs almost nothing.

Kiah has a vet appointment at 5 today to have the stitches removed from her tail. She's a good car dog and a scared thunderstorm dog. Wu was identical. Snowy is a really bad car dog and watches the lightning from her window.

Is it really time already for the Hopkins Crit? No, I'm not going. Crit racing is my least favorite to watch. My favorite to watch is cross, of course. I'm going to do as many cross races this fall as I can even if I have to have Mrs wire my knee together.

In answer to Snakecrotch I would rather stay up with removal of diseased elm to make the elm population last as long as possible.

In answer to Chubby I choose the gearing of my single speeds to work best for commuting. I favor bigger gears which means I don't have any really tough hills on my commute. Winter is another story. I tend to downsize for winter. I believe my new Kogswell is a 46 x 17 (26" wheels) which is perfect for my commute. I must have a 42 tooth cog laying around somewhere for winter.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Pick a habit...we got plenty to go around

I think flying to your destination should now be regarded as a luxury. Couple high ticket prices with luggage fees and the airport strip-down and travelling just isn't quite so appealing.

Our UPS driver caught me near our old building and had me sign for a package which turned out to be a bike rack. I think they ordered it from Walgreens.

This is going to be another kick-ass year for Dutch Elm Disease. My boss wants to remove diseased trees as soon as possible. His boss is an engineer and has a let 'em rot on the vine line of thinking. My boss says, 'let's run a good program for 20 years and then piss people off the last 2 years. That'll leave a good taste in their mouth'.

I hope the influx of new bike commuters will lead to even more bike lanes and trails.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Bridge was designed without ash trays - Tommy Gun

Glad to see the boys and girls at the paper noticed the influx of bike commuters on old pieces of shit. Hey, shitty bikes ride too but you'll enjoy the whole experience on a better bike. Mrs found that out. Some of y'all in the morning have brought the stress of driving a car with to riding a bike. Chill out and smile.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Let's make Sven happy

Sven asked me nicely to advertise the scavenger hunt he's running as part of the Bicycle Film Festival so here it is. I'm not sure if I'm going but if I do I'll be pushing Ma in her new wheelchair that I almost flipped over last Saturday...Ma wasn't in it at the time.

Who's in charge here?

Office restructuring announced today. Duane has a new boss. My job is basically unchanged. I'm in the office getting the handle on a paperwork project that needs to get done which means I'll be hungry all day long. Send donuts.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Could you send the fire department...preferably Casper or Sone

Kiah wears her cone when we're at work so she can't chew on her tail bandages. It would appear as if she used her head/cone to get into the bathroom after we left for work. I think she was in there minutes after we left because Snowy seemed to be looking toward the bathroom as we rode by the house.
At least Kiah had a roll of toilet paper to kill the time. Bathroom door will be closed tomorrow.

It seems like nap time

Back to work. Yeah, I know...same shit, different day. Rode new Kogswell to work. It rides nice. Gear's too big for winter. To answer the Poofter's question. This bike makes 8. Remember, I also get half ownership of the Dragger.

I'm not in any hurry to get out there marking trees but they're not going to mark themselves. Maybe I'll get some paperwork done and soak up some coffee.

Somebody brought in Guitar Hero. Heaven help us.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Black will always be the new black

This is my Kogswell which came about because of an extra wheel and a budget priced frame. Jim at HC dug up enough budget parts and the lovely Mrs popped for Relights so now I have another bike. It's a fixie in case you care. I always want to have one fixie in the fleet because trendy people have proclaimed the fixie as dead.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Tell P-Max I had a salad just last night

HC Ride today was even more of a family affair than usual and we picked up a perfectly good recumbent guy that somebody had thrown out. Mrs and I rode the Dragger even though Kiah was a nervous nelly last night because of the fireworks and didn't calm down until after midnight.
Mrs at Minnehaha Coffee with The Olivator. As we were leaving we ran into the GSCA youth, not to be confused with GSOC which is Gopher State One Call. Maxwell was scolded for not saying hello at the Dog. He gave some excuse about getting in character. Bullshit. I like the GSCA kids...well, Maxwell, the kid with the tattoos from my hood and of course, Redmond.
Fun time was had by all including some guy from Snakecrotch's set in SD. Time to go visit Ma and kiss her ring.

Friday, July 04, 2008

They'll be coming to pick me up, too.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

The height of ambition

Black Dog 5 GSCA 0

19:38 at the Dog for me last night which was 4 seconds faster than 2 weeks ago. Progress is progress, right? Times were generally slower due to the wind. It blew so hard at one point I was blown into the ditch and rode a half mile through the weeds. Jim (20:22), Bill (19:23) and Jon (20:46) from the HC Ride all had a good time but the star of the night was Painman's wife, Hollie, who did a time trial 7 weeks after having a baby.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I wonder if my Kogswell is ready?

Part of me wants to ride my cross bike down to the Dog but then I'd have to ride it home. Jim and Boone's Farm from the HC ride will be doing their first Dog as will Nicky from Cat 6. I guess since I never payed the union dues, didn't lift a finger for the State Fair Affair and think the jersey is hideous I'm not actually on Cat 6 any more. No biggie, I still love the team...especially Meow and her delicious cookies.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Couch Potato(e)

I took most of yesterday off to make sure the new baby didn't chew on her tail. I came in from 2:30 to 6:30 kinda like McNulty on The Wire. Mrs took the 2nd shift. Kiah likes the couch and works it from side to side like Greg Maddox. Debbie ordered a pizza when I got home because she likes her husband fat and sassy and Kiah moved in to prime begging position and Snowy let her know about it. Well, as vocally as Snowy ever gets. The gals are cute together.