Forester Ray Servin' And Protectin'

Happy Halloween From The Mumu Of Death

Have your A game ready tonight because you just never know who's going to appear at the door. Doom, I had the bibs on underneath. Represent!!

Buddy Guy - Sweet Home Chicago

Lightning Round

Escort is the most loving thing I do for her.

The first rule about Speedfix is we never talk about Speedfix.

Carol Channing may hand out candy on Halloween.

I wonder if Red Lantern mows the lawn in that outfit.

I blame your need to overanalyze on ESPN and CNN.

Can't you find a 'saucier' position closer to town.

Mrs picture above at 28th and Hiawatha. Not considered the hood.

Ma introduced me to some other lady as 'my bad one' on Saturday.

The Mumu of Death takes no prisoners.

The City's new spam filter works good. As my boss said, 'I didn't know so many people were concerned about my pecker'.


13 miles to work in 58 minutes.

Vanilla Ice

Keys In The Song Of Life

As part of Smither's continuing quest for knowledge I'm posting a picture of my keys and an explanation. I have 8 keys total on my key rings. There's a car key to a 14 year old car. Sometimes, if I'm just running in someplace I'll leave the keys in the ignition. Four doors to enter my house and four different keys. There's a key to the front door at work and a key to God knows what and a key to a Master brand padlock. Not sure where this padlock is located. Those are two Crown Royal key chains and my medallion from treatment. There you have it, Smithers. Andy Rooney would be so proud.

Northfield Photos Before Mrs Camera Died

Have a better joke prepared for Bassett Creek


Hold your line

We should have had a fire in that fire pit

Nobody got run over coming out of the porta potty

Hey Rosenberg, I took the DFL just for you

I've met a lot of computer geeks through bike racing

Sorry I almost ran you into that building, dog

My grandma wouldn't have fit in that mumu

Never roll a bicycle across the field of play

No, I'm not on the lead

The hood's got your back

More fun than jumping on a bike with the seat missing

If all the pictures didn't load, then tough shit. So, a couple of college kids took time out from beer pong to put this race together? Sweet!!

Northfield Cross Race

Blogger won't let me load any pictures right now so eeee gads...I have to write something. I'm gonna show y'all how brief a race report should be.

Ate a big sweet roll on the way with a plethora of coffee.

Went down in the Pinwheel Of Pain warming up much to the delight of the Cullen boys. Jackals!!

Start race, ride some, push bike up big hill, go through rocky section in woods, Pinwheel, high grass riding area, fall on corner by running open sewer, big hill, almost run St Olaf boy into building on accident, fall on corner coming out of the woods prior to almost hitting spruce tree ( I'm the tree expert, remember), hit head on 2nd fall (ok third fall, jerks) and then escort my millstone Andy (chef at St Olaf) around the course because he's an incredible weenie to the finish line. Ok, that race report was too long.

Put on a red dress (size 18) and a pink wig and rang a cow bell at the top of previously mentioned bullshit hill for the B's, Linda's and Jessica race and then the A's.

Went to Casper and Sone's after racing for pizza and lively entertainment by the Cullen boys and some kid (Jake, seasoned time trialer) they brought with them. If memory serves me the Cullen boys did a medley from their new album which is still in the studio.

Mrs'sssss' camera died after C race so there. Pictures tomorrow. Great course, great people and fabulous weather day. Sometimes a half an hour can be a really long time.

MG, BG, We're Great. Better Than Great.

Will I have to change money when I go to Northfield cuz it's a long way outta da hood?

Back To School Cross Tomorrow

This is part of the course at St Olaf in Northfield. It don't look like fun and I hear it's long.

This is something called the Pinwheel Of Something Or Other and it looks like a load of fun. I really liked the loopty doopty at Boom Island and can't get over the fact that I fell in it. I got cocky and had too much speed when I was almost out of it and the front wheel slid out on the wet grass. Advantage on this part of the course goes to people like Super Rookie and (dis)pencer. Former messengers have some mad skills when it comes to bike handling, skidding and trackstanding. My handling skills come from screwing around like I did yesterday waiting for Mrs to get off work. There's a set of picnic tables that I ride between. Riding through the small trees at WCCO is another good place to practice.

Halloween party out in South Suburbia and need to be in Northfield by 9 am. C race starts at 10. I'll be fueled by sugar from the party.

Re-centered

A trip to Ma's place is an exercise in perspective. Her place much like Saint Petersburg, Florida, is God's waiting room. This isn't the wing of the place with much activity. There are bed ridden residents and folks set out in the hallway in wheelchairs. Their ability to reason is gone. I was the only visitor on the floor the entire time I was there. I tried as best I could to comfort a lady who was crying because she just didn't understand that this was where she lived and she wasn't going home. I still get Ma to smile, usually by asking her about any gentleman callers or some other nonsense. Sadness also comes when I tell her I love her as I'm leaving and she says 'I love you too'. The look in her eyes tells the story. Your eyes are the window to your soul, aren't they?

Here's your lamp boy. Ma's had this lamp as long as I can remember. I can still see my stepfather playing with the fringe. That's what everybody did when they sat next to this lamp.

Later bitches

The fact that someone would read this post and associate the picture in a negative way saddens me so deeply that it's hard to express. It's human nature to look at things in a negative way. I think Big Jim is the best because he truly looks for the best in people. I try my hardest to do that too. We piss and moan about traffic and cheating at a cross race while assholes in Iraq try to blow up my man Bolstad with a garage door opener and some explosives. Get a fucking clue, people.

No Red Barn Cross for me even though I had a fun costume. We'll see how I feel about doing anymore bike racing period. Or blogging.

I'm riding my bike to see Ma today. If she had her wits about her, she would kick ass and take names right now.

Your children and your dog are sacred to me. With a handful of exceptions I find most of you self centered and mean spirited.

Quick question

Do you ride at night with no lights so that drivers can't see you? Thanks for thinning out the gene pool.

I'm not an expert on night riding but I believe in two concepts:

1) Drivers can't see me even with all the reflective stuff and flashing lights
2) Drivers don't care about me and kinda hate me

No worky today...who's the big winner?

Something smells rotten

I don't feel so bad about my lackluster cross career now that I've gone through some of the MCF results charts for the past years. Big names, horseshit results. If you want I can link to this stuff and name names. I feel pretty good about my effort so far. Even better since I looked up those results.

For Brian Crosby Who Is Still Getting An Allowance From His Dad

I like you Crosby...I'll let you live.

Keep it down

Mrs and I say Good Morning to you when we see you on your bike at 6 am and make fun of you when you don't even grunt back. Maybe if you knew me since high school and did a background check you'd feel mo comfortable.

We picked out our costumes for the Halloween party we attend every year. I still need a costume for Red Barn Cx but I've got some ideas. Saturday's gonna be busy with a cross race, a 40th birthday party and a Halloween party.

Jim W, the #1 man at World Cycling Productions needs to get in touch with me concerning tomorrow's Tour of South Minneapolis And Fundraiser For Stay At Home Mom's Lunch Bills.

Good God did I get Duane fired up on politics this morning. Just felt like it, I guess.

Hi Jules, you're a true homey. Thanks for all the support.

The master of the Telecaster

Mrs and I saw Albert Collins many times and he never disappointed.

Speedfix Racing hires their Directeur Sportif

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.



Try riding to work through the angry mob with a Franky Valli tune in your head. Even had some coward come about 15 inches from me on a sidestreet by the golf course. Some black shitbox. He had to stop at the stop sign by the Parkway so I came up behind him really fast. He didn't want to play. The ones who want to play roll the window down so they can be pulled out through it.



Picture stolen from Mr Cullen who's stolen a few of mine. That's me and Michael and I guess I'm supposed to feel bad that he's in front of me. I don't. Bicycling doesn't define me as a person. Being my mother's go-to guy does. I always ask Michael 'howz it going' when we're away from the maddening crowds. People baby people...only thing that makes this life worth a damn.



Are you racer boys and girls listening to the podcasts? You should be.



Olive has made it to her new home in Florida and is preparing Brett's lesson plans to teach science to little darlings.



At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you...Help me...I've got no soul to sell. Help me...the only thing that works for me, Help me get away from myself.



I wanna...

Mrs says she likes this photo. Anybody know who it is?

Olive sent me this from the road

My, that's a nice tree...let's cut it down

Take 2 minutes and 27 seconds out of your busy (yeah right) day to watch this. My Cat 6 brother and along with Kruse form my IT support team put it together.

Chilly morning made more chilly by not being able to find a decent pair of gloves. My room (just to keep my clothes) is a disaster area. Mrs can find my gloves. Mrs can find anything in that house.

I wish I had a picture of the lighting on the new Greenway bridge over Hiawatha Avenue. It makes it look blue and very classy.

Sun's out today. I think I'll make some outside time to look at some trees.

Dancing With The Stars Night And You Thought Cross Was Painful